WHAT A LIFE

I ordered the christmas trees yesterday, one for the garden so it can grow and one each for jays lot and us,  cant wait...... they will b delivered on 10th dec

I have now got to get one of the boys to go into the loft and get my decs down for me so i can sort them out and get rid of the rubbish ones

I seem to b throwing myself into things first the funeral, it had to b perfect then the garden then the house...... had to b decorated from top to bottom (that took a few months) now christmas.    the only thing on my mind at the mo is what am i going to throw myself into after that...... am i doing all this to stop me thinking ...omg i know i am angry inside and still not understanding the whole thing... the hardest part is not letting the anger out, i want to shout it aint f***ing fair i want to tell the world to go away,

 kevs bro had a heart op the other day and he is fine and i am happy for him butttttttt ......... no i cant say it

i want to protect my kids from anymore hurt, i would love to go to Nads school and tell them what i think of them at the mo you see if u just missed ur grade by a lil bit  they give u help and let u resit the exam but if u missed it by a bit more u have to get on with it and fail and after what happend Nads didnt do that well and has been left to one side, poor lil cow is still trying tho (she said she wants to do it for her Dad) but at the mo she could walk away from school and never look back

I know i should go to the docs about a few things butttttt..... i might just tell them what i think as well ... Kev had pain in his arm a year ago he had a ecg but they said he was ok ......ermmmm let me think ........   ok???   noooooooooo i dont think so

do i feel better for that rant   no... its written but not corrected anything

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