RACH AND HER WEIGHT

18:48:54 o'clock BST
Feeling Excited
Hearing Katy Tunstall

leaving home.

 

Hi again. Last night I was lucky enough to be invited to an open air concert in the beautiful Delamere forest, Cheshire...It's who you know..ha ha...but I have never been to one before and Katy Tunstall  was simply amazing, great voice ,great songs,especially 'Black horse and a cherry tree'. The crowd went wild and danced along.It was so atmospheric and probably the nearest thing I will ever get to Glastonbury.It didn't rain and most people had brought those fold up chairs and picnics.My friends and I lay on the grass because we were parked about a mile away and didn't want to lug chairs and blankets all that way.I am used to going to horse shows and taking chairs, but if it was muddy they would slowly start sinking into the ground until you were virtualy sitting on a piece of canvas..ha ha...Besides, it's more fun and we were near a hot dog stall ,so we had coffee and burgers.

When it was over, we were herded like cattle through the entrance and then the hike to find the jeep.Viki and I lost the others and it was slowly becoming like 'Whacky Races with cars pulling out of everywhere and all playing loud music, so we just followed the crowd to the forest carpark and nearly got in the wrong jeep,there were so many black jeeps there and I hadn't been in that one before.We could have used ours but Aneurin had a mishap with a wall the day before and knocked the lights out..lol...So eventually we saw the other two and started the hour long frustrating wait to drive onto the main road.There was a lady in front who kept getting out of her car and she seemed to be throwing car rugs on the back seat.We were right close to the dark woods and all sorts of strange thoughts came into my mind, like was she covering up a body!!! well. it kept our minds off the queue for a while until when the car in front of her moved,she was still bending across the back seat, so Frances got annoyed and nearly gave her a gentle shove!! We did laugh,but we were soon driving through the countryside towards home with Queen blasting from the cd.

So, that was my night of fun, it did me the world of good to get out and live a bit, instead of sitting by the log fire at night, although I enjoy that also because it gets really cold in this farmhouse at night. Aneurin was still up, he was watching his usual war documentry's.I had a glass of wine and switched to a comedy before going to bed.

So, this evening, feel quite tired,so will just chill out and have an early night.

See you soon.

luv

Rach.xxxxxxx

my scrapboard!

 

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18:18:08 o'clock BST
Feeling Shocked

Hi again, I am now somehow connected to broadband via wireless, so not sure if this will work.

We had a family wedding a couple of weeks ago,and my son was asked to drive the bride and her father to the chapel in an American jeep.It has been in the family for years and was quite an eye opener when it rolled up with the bride and her father..

as the chapel is along a country lane where tractors and horses are the usual ,but then when has anything been 'usual' here! there was an American influence in the family which I expect appealed to the happy couple. The weather was glorious,and they were lucky because the next day it rained heavily.

I haven't been doing much,although I did go to Cardiff with a friend last weekend. We went by coach and although the scenery was stunning from North to South, my legs were aching from sitting for hours. Cardiff has changed so much since I last went,it has so many interesting sights like ,the Millenium ...sorry cant spell it.. but a few weeks before my neighbour from the next farm was in the winning choir that sang at the M stadium in front of thousands of people as Wales proudly won the rugby and she said it was amazing when the players entered the field with the trophy.Prince William was there which also made her day as he heard her sing.I must admit, I recorded the whole thing and believe me  it gave me goosepimples listening to the choirs.Wales does produce some of the finest choirs...I saw Charlotte Church in the audience as she clapped loudly for her Gavin...

Now the weather is almost behaving as summer should, think the bbq can come out of hiding.We didn't manage one last year, so hope the rain holds off.My friend from America is coming on the 20th with her daughter and boyfriend, so a 'barby' would be fun and yet I think the wooden chairs and bench will need a bit of tlc as they have been out in all weathers, hope they haven't rotted..ha ha...

My weight is still up and down by a few pounds,as you know I am taking the hormone drug after my cancer, and it seems , whatever I eat, to go on my tummy, but everyone tells me that I am looking healthy,so although I am a stone heavier since my op,I don't mind.I still try to eat healthy meals and make an effort because I don't want to go back to the way and weight I was. I just know that I am lucky to still be here writing this.

Now I have this new technology in broadband,I can read other blogs without having to wait ages and ages for them to open.

Hope all are well and continue with your blogs as they are interesting and like meeting old friends

All for now

Rach xxxxxxxxxxxx

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09:12:51 o'clock BST
Feeling Happy
Hearing BIRDS IN THE GARDEN..

Hi, well it is here. the sun ,at least this beautiful morning. I took the rugs off the horses and they are rolling in delight after 7 months of wearing their rugs.

I haven't slipped into my tee shirts yet because it is still a bit chilly here in North Wales, but  maybe later when I take my 4 year old grandson for a walk up Snowden, well maybe a train ride because even I can't climb mountains at the moment..ha ha..So there will be no scenes  from 'The sound of music' but I do feel so much better after a few weeks of tiredness.I know it has only been a few months since my op but I am managing to do a lot more.

My weight? well that has been up and down, mostly up but everyone tells me I look healthier, and I still am trying to eat the right foods but due to the tabs, I am carrying a few pounds or more ,but my clothes feel tighter and so I lay down to pull on my skinny jeans, only to find I need to cover my tummy with a longer top...oh well..Look how lucky I have been,and to be here!

I haven't been on the 'net much, as have started to make my own films from old pics and it's great because I add music and clips and then burn them onto a dvd.Far more interesting than flicking through an album, and I have my name in the credits..so watch out Stephen Speilberg..lol

I had my old red car fixed so am speeding around the countryside..not really speeding, more like 20 miles an hour avoiding sheep and lambs wandering onto the lanes, and of course people on horses.I haven't ridden again yet but Aneurin bought me an American saddle, but he forget's that my three remaining horses are past it,apart from Bolero, and although he is half American Quarter horse, he is as stubbon as a mule, and will reverse rather than 'walk on.So maybe we will give him a fright one of these days and at least put the saddle on..

Getting ready for two weeks around the Med in June, can't wait, our tickets should be ready soon but not going to take so many clothes. I start to pack, then unpack, thinking I wont need them, then thinking I might, but I am def. taking my croc sandles as they are so comfy.

I hope you are all well and as usual I will now read your blogs, just to see how you are getting on.

Enjoy the weather,

love

Rach.xxxx

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00:53:36 o'clock GMT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing CHRIS NEEDS

Hi again,

Since my last entry,I have mourned my old dog and now we are making more of a fuss of Zac, because for the last two weeks he sits waiting for his friend...We won't have another dog yet,and if we do, it will be a rescue dog like Zac. It is hard to train a dog to be as good as Whoopie was because he didn't leave the farm and was always waiting on the lawn for me to return.He trained Zac who was rescued and had spent his life chained up.The freedom he has now ,it's amazing he doesn't wander far.

Health wise I am feeling fine,just recovered from the 'flu,but everyone tells me I am looking well.My weight has gone up,due to lack of excercise and the Tamoxifin tablets, but I thank God that I am still here.I have so many plans for the summer,want to take up riding again,swimming and long walks.Build myself up but watch my eating. I seem to feel hungry all the time and every tuesday i decide to visit WW again, something stops me.Tonight it was not safe to drive into town as the weather was gale force winds and we do have lots of trees around.I havent even driven since the op.but love the fact that so many friends offer to take me out.

I am the one with the black wig on at a fancy dress party.I also went to the farm next 3 fields away...ha ha..for Bryn's 50th. and as they were still lambing...not Bryn and his wife Rhian...ha ha. So Rhi bought about 30 take away fish and chips and had baked lots of cakes..didn't help my diet but i have to admit everymouthful was bliss as I rarely eat them.We had plenty of drinks, well not too much for me,we did have non alcholic wine .Everynow and again,the men would rush back to the sheep shed  to deliver more lambs.I dressed up a bit over the top,and my stilleto's sunk into the mud before I reache the door. Should have worn my wellies incase they needed a hand with the lambing.

It was so lovely to party again, and you would never guess that weeks before I had aggresive breast cancer, and there I was having such fun, Still postive and still here.

I saw EASTENDERS on tv tonight where the barmaid with the short hair had a cancer scare (can't think of her name,)but she did the wrong thing and burned her clinic appointment.That was such a silly thing to do because she is scared, but fear is common with the unknown ,but you can't hide things like that because although such a high percentage, lumps are begnin and it is a relief to learn that , but you have to have a test to give you piece of mind.I was unlucky that mine was an aggresive type and went on to have the op. It has saved my life and am in remmision.The whole hospital staff were wonderful and gave me the best care. I just now need to watch my diet and cut down from all the food I have been fancing.

I have just come to bed after an enjoyable evening beside a roaring log fire,knowing the horses are tucked up in their stables munching hay.and the dog is on the sofa ,he sneakes on but looks so comfy, wont move him.

All for now, getting tired. More soon.

Hope you are all well, this weather wont last forever and the sun will come out.

lots of love

Rachel.xxxx

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00:23:19 o'clock GMT
Feeling Sad
Hearing Westliffe

Hi...this is another sad entry because after everything that has happened , the cancer etc..and the depression , then the joy that I have been saved and now in remission, my most loyal friend of the four legged variety, Whoopie, my lovely black lab was put down last week.

We first bought Whoopie when our other old lad passed on and I never thought that I could love another in the same way that I loved JR. But Whoopie came into our lives as a bundle of joy,taking away my grief. He and I were inseperable, apart when I went away, but when we came home ,he would be waiting, those big soft brown eyes that melted my heart, the way he his tail would wag when we opened the car door, all the licks and cuddles we shared. How can an animal be such a part of a family, but he was...he and my horses were my family, and I had to watch the vet and my friend take him to the stables, his tail wagging, not knowing it was to be the final goodbye. I wanted to shout STOP..bring him back, so I can give him another chance to live, but his cancer had spread and unlike humans', he went with grace , able to face his demise with dignity..before he suffered. Hazel, my friend gave him Reike and I believe that he passed away as if he was sleeping, no pain, no last look, just accepting that the time was right.

I didn't cry, because I knew that the tears would never stop, and I know that he had the best life I could have given him, and as the end was near, I said my goodbye's. Zac, his friend, our other dog was with him as the vet said he would know. I love Zac, he is a lovely dog, but he is a man's dog, my son's dog. Aneurin's dog, but he was never 'my' dog, like Whoopie, who was my dog.Now he has gone, poor Zac is sad and I cuddle him , talk to him, but it will take a while for him to settle. His pic is on my side panel.I won't buy another lab, not yet, the time is not right. Labs are very greedy and Whoopie became quite fat, even when he was kept on a diet..he would find food wherever he could. I asked the vet if it was my fault but he said that the cancer was nothing to do with over feeding or anything we could have done.I just wanted to write this tonight, just to share my grief, to write is cathartic,remembering that puppy who bounced into our lives eleven years ago.

Goodbye Whoopie, you will never suffer, never feel pain, you are in the best place, and in my heart.

I hope this was not too depressing, but 'blogs' allow us to share and I have shared so much with you.

All for now, will talk about my weight, which is going up due to these Tamoxafin tabs, next time.

love

Rachey.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

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22:49:00 o'clock GMT
Feeling Sad

Hi, still here and now they have given me these tablets, probably for the rest of my life but I have been saved, and yet, why do I feel so low. I think maybe it is because  of all that has happened and all the hospital visits, and missing the feeling of being invinsible, that I was always so strong and never could imagine having  the 'C word.I am so grateful to everyone who sent me good wishes, prayed for me, looked after me and all this has had a huge effect that I feel undeserving because I am just one person who by all accounts have hope. I am honoured by so much affection and attention but it makes me feel so humble in the great scheme of things, where there is so much more suffering then what I went through. I am sure these tablets are having this effect because I want to scream out aloud 'I am so lucky'. I just want to feel strong again because so much needs doing,and I am weak!! This blog has now become personal and yet I want to share with you these feelings, because I know that in a week or so, I will be back to my old self and be really happy.

We enjoyed a lovely night with our friends from Llandudno, who made us so welcome and we watched our dvd of our holiday. I loved the comfort of their hotel,and we had lots to catch up on.Thank you Chris and Gaynor. Today the weather was beautiful, and this evening I watched the sun go down showing a myriad of colours which did make me so happy to be able to watch such a wonderful sight from my bedroom window. Now I am feeling happier, life will be good, and so so lucky..

Will keep in touch, and also, I am going back to weightwatchers to keep me on track.I seem to have added a few too many pounds but all those sweets......mmmmmmm

love

Rachey xxxx

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10:33:10 o'clock GMT
Feeling Happy
Hearing birds singing

Hi, I am so thrilled and happy to tell you my good news from the hospital visit yesterday where I sat awaiting my results from my biopsy. After all this time, and the major op........guess what....

I was given the good news that the cancer has been removed and caught in time. All I need are tablets and 6 monthly checks, no radiotherapy, yipee!! Feel like I have been given a new life and can jump for joy, because medical science has come such a long way and I have to be so grateful to the whole team who saved my life. I also have to thank all of you for your prayers and good wishes, because the doctor said I am a positive woman and if we are all positive,we can get through anything, So a big thank you to all who have commented and e-mailed me.

I am still tired, but that is only the healing process, and soon, like the flowers in springtime, I will bloom again. Still eat healthily,and look after myself.

The friends we made from Llandudno,Gaynor and Chris, have invited us to stay one night, at their hotel, so have lot of catching up to do. We can have a nice walk along the prom and maybe a spot of shopping. It's been so long.

Aneurin and my family are so pleased,and all  my friends and neighbours delighted, because they have been there for me all along this rough journey.I want to shout from the hilltops and i can if i can walk up there.Did I tell you about Hazel who lives opposite the farm/? she came in everyday, lit the log fire, made me delicious food and looked after me. She made me promise not to go out in the cold, but I saw my old horse looking over the gate and wanted to bring them in..the stable..not the house, so put on my dressing gown and sneaked out to get them, next minute, along comes Hazel with a big stick, shouting at me to get back in, Ha Ha, then traffic drove buy and people said Hi Rachel as if was quite normal to see me in pj's and dressing gown wearing pink wellies.That is how I am, , a bit eccentric..lol.

So, here I am writing my blog and thanking everyone for their love and support, and it is possible to overcome anything. Just believe.

take care.

love

Rachel xxxxxxx

 

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23:23:27 o'clock GMT
Feeling Anxious

Hi.when I was a girl, I never knew about Cancer, I was young and happy, but tonight as a woman, I am awaiting results of my condition.How sad you may think, but what a life I had...good family, good food and fun.. but as a woman who lost her mum not so long ago, I have had to grow up very quickly and realise that we, as women , have to check our bodies,I pray and hope that I have been saved, and if not, maybe a message to all of us to check our bodies.I lost a lot of weight and went on holiday, but I happened to check myself whilst putting on sunscreen.If you feel any lump or bump..go to doctor,s and get checked out. My doctor is my friend, but he said that we never ever waste their time, begnign or not, always feel that they are there for us. Never be scared to go to a doctor, after all they are not cancer related. I had a faulty gene, but please check yourselves and so you never have to go through this nightmare.Mum, cared more for her dog than herself, she was too late, but we are not. We must never care about what our family thinks, we must go and be checked out.If anything sinister remains in my body, I want others to know that the NHS will check it out.Tonight, I am positive.Tired, but positive that I caught it in time!! you know me. I will be back...with all my holidays and life in general. Thank you all for your comments...thank you for you for being there.

all my love

Rachey xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ps.....monday ..results day..and the pathologist report was cancelled due to it not being ready, so another week to go. Our hospitals have this awfull bug, so maybe staff are off sick. I feel stronger and although tired, so positive I am going to carry on with this journal until you are sick of reading it..lol....You don't get rid of me that easily...Had a great e-mail suggesting the NHS send all women on holiday in the sun, with suncream instead of cold mammograms...lol...really cheered me up. I need to see the sun.

Rach.xxxx

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02:21:04 o'clock GMT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing PAUL POTTS!

Hi, due to my holidays,It may of saved my life as i discovered which all we woman should check out for, and with mum/s medical history, managed to have major op last week. I am fine but so very very tired,so won't be writing much. I know that helping me lose weight helped but advice to all woman...please check ....life is so precious and if anything sinister is felt,please please go straight to docs...lets live this life and be positive

love

Rachel xxxxxxxx

 

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13:37:46 o'clock GMT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing DIDO

Hi again, have some catching up to do, now that the winter nights allow me more time in the house! and after finishing the last of my unpacking and washing, need another holiday back to the sun....if only...

Back to weightwatchers as I did over indulge on the ship, it is hard to be good when the food is so good.I tried to stick to my healthy eating pattern,small amounts and often, but even though I ate lots of fish and salads, I was always hungry when we came back from the theatre or the nightclub, so had sandwiches very late at night. I thought that walking the decks and going to the gym, climbing stair cases may have helped, but I managed to put on a few pounds. I think if we  went on holiday by plane, I would be more careful,but hate flying and love the ships. I always said that you can treat living on a ship like a health spa, but with so much to temp you, it would take a strong mind. I enjoy food,freshly prepared food and not full of preservatives that are hidden in shop bought food.At home I steam the vege and grill meat or fish. Now that Christmas is around the corner we weightwatchers must be careful what and how much we eat. I will still make Christmas dinner, steamed vege and turkey crown,because it is all white meat.I will make a fresh fruit cocktail for me and the family can have pudding and mince pies. I can have a mince pie, but don't always eat a lot of sweet things, as my biggest downfall is cheese! I love cheese and yet it is so high in fat, I can only have a small chunk, so I grate it and make it look more.

Since losing 4 stone in weight, last year.I have enjoyed being slimmer for lots of reasons.I feel healthier, my athritas in my knee has gone, I love dressing up and have far more confidence in myself as a person.When I was larger,and without confidence, I would stay in much more, refusing offers to parties at times, because never knew what to wear. Was always saying 'does my bum look big in this '? and it did. Life should never revolve around how fat or thin we are,it shouldn't make any difference apart from if it damages your health. We are all different and yet the media covers so much about what we look like.I lost weight for my own reasons and I can do lots more than I could before.If you have been reading my journal,you will see the difference.

I was 4 stone heavier in this pic, so must keep it near as I dont want to go back there, I feel good now, even though I am never going to be too slim, I am in a size 12/14 now and not a size zero, but I am happy this size and must keep my mind focused with all that Christmas brings,, and I hope that anyone who is trying to lose weight, will remember that you don't have to diet and go without anything as long as you watch the portion size. I think little and often keeps your blood levels high and you don't need to fill up on high calorie fillers.

So here is to a healthy, happy Christmas, and keep watching!!

luv

Rach.xx

 

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