Paul Daniels' Diary

It's a deliberate heading.  Storage Box.  I will even name names, it's a Spacemaker Storage Box.  People searching the net for such an item may well be put off by reading this tale of woe, and that is a Good Thing.

I thought it would be a good idea to get one and put it outside the house close to where I come in with the boat.  The cushions could easily be stowed in there, and torches and other lamps, picnic hampers and the like.

As usual, I went to the internet to see what was around.  I measured all the bits and found a Spacemaker Storage Box, which turned out to be made in Canada.   It came in a flat pack box and my first thought was that the box was not quite big enough to house a 6' x 3' box.   It was almost big enough, which makes what I am about to say even sillier.

I cut the box open carefully so as not to mark whatever was inside.  (See, I have done this stuff before and made that mistake before!)    I couldn't get anything to move so I tipped the box up and out came over 75 bits and pieces.  This number does not count the nuts and bolts and screws.   It also does not include the tools that you need to build it.  This, remember, is only to make a storage box with a lid.

I found the book on how to build a box and then found that all the bits were supposed to have numbers on them.  Most did.

I laid them out in sequence and started to assemble the bits.  In the past I have done quite a bit of flat pack assembly so I am not a beginner.  God help the beginner with this one.  I started at 2pm.   The design was awful.   The drawings are usually bad.  These were awful.   Fitting one piece OVER another in order to bolt them together was a ridiculous piece of information and design because such pieces were exactly the same size so to fit them one over the other needed a mallet.   I got the mallet.  Then the bolt holes, some of which were not slots, were by the very nature of what you were asked to do, out of line with each other.  You needed a round file to ream them out.  I got a round file.

Then I got a Phillips head screwdriver and my set of spanners to hold the nuts when I fitted the bolts.    Spanners did not work so I used long nosed pliers.   I got a tin of Elastoplast as well because the edges of just about everything were sharp, especially on the corners.

Slowly I worked at putting the base together.  I would have worked quicker but it was difficult sometimes to find the numbers referred to in the book.   I don't like having to go back and unscrew stuff so I like to get it right first time.   During this process, some of which was quite difficult to handle and tighten at the same time as getting it straight, I noticed that it advised getting a neighbour to help.  I never saw that in the advert!

When I had the base frame assembled I looked for a while for something that would make a floor.  There was no floor.  I never saw that in the advert either.  You have to drill the flat floor that you are going to put the box onto, and bolt it down to the floor but they don't supply the necessary bolts... they actually tell you what to go and buy at the local hardware shop!

I struggled on and then got very frustrated.  There were two bits definitely missing, but when there is so much to assemble you plough back and forth trying to locate them.  Debbie phoned the company in the UK and the very nice warehouseman said that it was no trouble and he would put them in the post and I would get them the day after tomorrow.  No trouble for him then.

Continuing on, seeing what I could make for when the other bits came, I gave up at 7pm because I found that something else was missing.   Another phone call and they promised to add that in as well.

Fair enough, I did get a day off and the stuff did arrive so I moved on to start rebuilding it again.  Once more I laid it all out and solved the mysteries of totally un-necessary construction if they had created it correctly in the first place.  Then I slowly started to understand why they didn't.  These pieces all came from a multitude of differing constructions that they had for sale and I don't think that they are stored together until someone buys one.  They are all stored on shelves and packed as necessary.  Why do I think that?  Because this nice new storage box for my cushions was FILTHY and Debbie spent a happy hour cleaning all the bits and bobs.

Debbie went out whilst I worked on and then I came to a wonderful instruction "With assistance, lay the......".   Assistance?  What assistance?  Oh yes, the neighbour that I haven't got!   I shoved the whole lot up against a wall, got a pair of old crutches and used them as temporary stands, balanced the lidagainst the wall on top of the crutches, and phoned the company about two more bits that were missing.

While I was on the phone I also asked why they put a packet of 6 long bolts in but only two locking nuts.  I therefore asked what I put on the others.  'Nuts' they said, and if you want them to lock, put two nuts on each bolt.

Right now it is still leaning against the wall awaiting the delivery of the missing bits.  It has been in construction for over a week.  I saw the first brown leaves yesterday so there won't be much of a need for this now until the Spring.

'Why didn't you send it back?' you all cry.

I couldn't get the damn bits back in the box!   And to think, I was going to buy another one.  No way.

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• #1 Comment from dwlshadow 
  10/09/05 23:17 | Permalink

  Goodness me! It seems such a chore. I had noticed a tendancy over the past few years for instructions for flat-packed items to get easier. Although it sounds like you've got the exception. And what an exception. How complicated does a storage box need to be?
  I would have expected pre-made sides, base and top with maybe a dozen fixings to bring the whole thing together.  Oh well. Good luck completing it. I think I'll not consider this company for my yard storage needs. I don't have an engineering degree and it sounds like you need one for the assembly!