Paul Daniels' Diary

10:04:31 o'clock BST
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16:32:51 o'clock BST
Feeling Quiet

As I write this it is late afternoon on Wednesday.  The Tescocompare.com advert has been seen by everyone but me and one nutter even phoned me up for a quote on a Mondeo.

When I dropped Debbie off in Southampton to go on the Aurora on holiday, I drove home and packed my clothes, my stage clothes, my washbag, computer, cameras and the stuff for my act.  It was my intention to stay away all this week and that packing is, believe me, not the first time I have done it.   So, having driven to Southampton and back, I then drove up to Doncaster, calling at Mam's on the way to make sure she was OK.   She seems to be more OK than me.

In these days of theft I had to carry all the valuables into the Travelodge, stuffing things under my arms and balancing them and me.   Why is it that Travelodge room doors have such strong springs on them.   Over the years I have developed a technique but this one was tougher than most.  I put down what I could, balanced on one leg whilst I found the key that I had lost in the 25 yard walk to the room, managed to force the door open and stick one foot against it whilst I pushed through and dropped the rest of my luggage.   I turned round and bent to pick up the bits I had put down as the door decided I was a pretty good target.  It banged forward to close, hit my arse and knocked me across the corridor to bash my head on the opposite door.

In my dreams this is the moment when the stunning blonde opens the door and kisses me better but the huge semishaven guy who answered wasn't amused by my 'Sorry wrong door'.  Thank goodness he wasn't gay because he could easily have pulled me in and that would have been the end of me, literally.

I fought the door again and spent a boring couple of hours playing with my toys.  I had booked in for two nights and the next morning did not have to carry everything back out again.   Les met me at the warehouses and marvelled at the amount of stuff I still have to dispose of.  Like most illusion stores the props need refurbishing before they go back on stage, but that was always the way with the travelling magicians.  I wonder if anyone wants to buy them.

After that I went to visit Lewis and Camilla and together with Martin and Jo we went out to a local pub for dinner.  Perfectly timed for me to get back to the motel to watch 'New Tricks'.

I thought that I would have a lot of work to do the next day but after measuring Martin's stools (no, it's not a medical thing, they are props) and visiting a financial advisor (why is it they never have as much money as me?) I set off for Skegness.  After a few miles I realised that I would then have to waste two days of my life so I turned round and headed for home.   The M1 was blocked.  Oh joy.  A lorry had jacknifed.  In such situations I think about all the people who are missing appointments, aeroplanes, holidays and so on and I always think that the person who causes the accident should have insurance to pay compensation.

I got home in the early evening and couldn't be bothered being a hive of industry.  Today I have cleared the site for my new shed (Yes... another one), cleared some sludge out of the creek, tested the new oars on my dinghy and bought some new rollocks.   ROLLOCKS madam, spelt rowlocks thank you.  And yes, I HAVE heard all the jokes.  I am in for a quiet evening and later might check all the props for tomorrow when I will be heading for the first night of the tour.  Wish me luck.

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16:05:56 o'clock BST
Feeling Quiet

This house is very quiet.  Nothing disturbs it but the whirring of a computer fan.  I can almost hear me breathing.  What difference to the last few days.   Keith and Sue, Martin and Jo, Lewis and Camilla, have all been staying here and our life has been a whirlwind of going to the theatre and the cinema as well as shopping, going to the beach in Reading, playing crazy golf and watching Camilla fly high in the air on a bungee jump.  We even went to Legoland and entered the world of log flumes and roundabouts.  Late at night we rode the river trying to see if there was anything in the way as I tried to remember the way it twists and turns.

Late nights and early mornings resounded to the laughter of conversation and television was ignored.   The first to go, yesterday, was Martin with his family and they were then quickly followed by Keith and Sue.    Debbie went into a flurry of ironing and packing and I washed up (don't tell anyone).

When Debbie dashed out this morning to do her early stint on Radio Berkshire it was my turn to sort out the myriad bits and bobs of my act and pack that and a week's supply of clothing.   Midday and Debbie came home, quickly changed and I drove her to Southampton to join the Aurora for a week with her family and then I drove home.

This house is very quiet.  I am the only one here.  Soon I will have stored the boat under the house, loaded the car with clothes and props and laptop and phone chargers and make sure the security and alarms are all active....

Then I too will head north for a week of sorting out the old illusions and tricks that I have in containers; meet up with financial advisors; head for Skegness, then Lowestoft, and start the Variety tour before picking up Debbie at about 1.30 in the morning of Sunday so she can go to the studios again.   After that, whilst I am heading for Southend, she will hear the silence of the house.

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10:03:16 o'clock BST
Feeling Cheerful

Almost 10 am and I have already been into Henley, parked, had a haircut, taken Paddington to have an eye check, and I am back again.

Paddington?   Yes, that's the nickname for my friend Keith who is married to Sue who was the small waitress in the comedy series 'Allo 'Allo and is now in the play Big Bad Mouse.   This is starting to read like one of those 'linking TV shows' that are getting more and more prevalent.

Debbie and I, and our good friends Peter and Jean, all went to see Big Bad Mouse last night in Windsor at the Theatre Royal.   IF you can get to see it this week, GO!  We spent a couple of hours laughing our heads off.   The play is very old and the couple who made it famous originally (it toured for 12 years) were a couple of comedians called Jimmy Edwards and Eric Sykes.   Sykes is a comic genius.

Of late two of the UK's top comics have taken it out on the road and Tommy Cannon and Bobby Ball did a great job last night.  They kind of control the play 'cos they don't stay in character and you never know when they are going to walk out of the set and ad lib to the audience.  Great fun, and highly recommended.  This is the last week of the run before Tommy and Bobby become part of the Variety Tour that we start on the 7th.

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00:28:07 o'clock BST
Feeling Naughty

When you write an AOL journal as a blog, it offers you a list of 'moods' to select one from to tell the world how you feel.  I closed my eyes, used the down arrow at random and then clicked and lo and behold - I'm naughty!

I thought I would post a few photographs to help me to catch up...

My Little Wooden Toolshed in the Garden

It's nearly tidy inside.  The cases are full of old props.

Our boat in the Rally.  No 'lighting' photos, sorry, too dark. She's 7.5 metres long.

This gives you a very rough idea of the lighting.  Thanks Bill for this one.

Dunkirk boats - can you believe they crossed the North Sea in these?

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23:57:44 o'clock BST
Feeling Thoughtful

Do you think that somewhere along the way the word 'whether' got changed to 'weather'?   "I wonder what it is going to be like tomorrow and whether we can go out..."

Showers, they said on TV.  A possibility of showers.  Debbie and I sat down to enjoy one of favourite TV shows 'New Tricks' and just as it started we got a phone call from Doctor John, our neighbour.   For some reason he had gone outside and said the sky was really black.   It was late dusk and despite the programme we decided to go down the garden to the boat and drop the side windows.   Half way down the garden we started to run for it and only just got into the boat when the lightning started to flash and thunder roared.   The storm broke as we frantically pulled at poppers and unrolled the sides with their flexi-plastic windows and scrabbled to connect them using those tent style zips.  In the dark that wasn't easy but we managed to do it with a minimum of getting wet.

Then we couldn't get back to the house.  The rain roared down for ages and the oddity was a swan came alongside and looked in, presumably to make sure we were all right.

Just a shower, I thought.  We really enjoyed that camping adventure and eventually got back in time to see the end of the show.

All in all the last few days have been great.   The shed is now all green and blends in.  Tools are stored away and so is most of the magic stuff I have to sell for Guy Higgins widow.   The new magic shop is just about ready to launch and thanks to Les, if you want a preview, have a look at www.pauldanielsmagicshop.co.uk but don't tell anyone I told you.   AND don't laugh at the graphic of me when you click on play on the home page.  You can even find this blog there in the future as it loads up automatically from here.   Now I have to start loading it up in a completely new way to the last shop as we are also acting as 'sort of agents' for foreign companies.   It's interesting.

Other than that, well, we have had a couple of nice days out on the boat (although I cocked up badly in a lock yesterday.)  Sue Hodges and her husband 'Paddington' have arrived for the week.  Sue is in Big Bad Mouse, the play starring Cannon and Ball, in Windsor.

I was going to the north but couldn't 'cos of lots of tiny commitments so that will have to be put back a week.

Showers?  Huh!

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19:47:39 o'clock BST
Feeling Exhausted

After the wonders of the weekend I was picked up very early on Monday morning and driven up to Elstree where I changed and went onto the film set, or should I say film site?    A beautiful home had been taken over by the production company and this first day was to be taken up with the second of two TV commercials.  Great lighting (Yes, they use lights outside) and lots of people involved.  A team from Tescocompare watched everything through eagle eyes and so did the director, cameraman, continuity girl, assistants, all watching for any glaring, or even little, errors.   Script changes were made even during the filming and it is odd how just changing one word can make your head so very confused and disconnected from your mouth.

I won't spoil the plot but it is a funny idea and should be on screens before too long.  As the second of the two commercials wrapped we shot a small 'card trick' type advert for the internet with MUCH less fuss 'cos it was just me messing around.

That night I was overnighting in London and Debbie drove in to keep me company and we had a nice meal together even though I could hardly keep my eyes open and when my head did hit the pillow that was it!  Zonked!

Another early pick up took me to Croydon where the crew had taken over a street to shoot the longer of the two commercials, which in fact will be shown first.   I felt sorry for the crew and security because the general public don't understand that they can't be in the shots for all sorts of legal reasons.   So, everyone you see in street scenes in films is an 'extra'.  Otherwise film makers might shoot, for example, a couple that don't want to be seen together.   It was a long day with many variations on the words and using aeroplanes and marching bands.   I got home that night even more tired BUT I woke up at 3.15am with my brainbox buzzing with ideas for Tescocompare.com concepts.

Today the lethargy set in again.  I was going to go to Doncaster but had to cancel as there was a bit of a mixup with a possible need for various voice overs to be re-recorded.  As it happens it wasn't necessary so I could have gone after all.  I'll have to do that next week now.

I caught up with two days emails, deleted the spam, corrected the problem with the blog I put onto my website and had a brainwave in the handling of a really well known magic prop.  Not a bad day, with lovely weather.  All is right with the world.

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22:33:41 o'clock BST
Feeling Relaxed

13th         When last I wrote I was on the way home from Southampton.  I would have liked to have gone to the Water Rats and Lady Ratlings lunch but I got home too late and too tired, so I just slobbed around for most of the day.   I went and filled the car up just out of curiosity to find out how much petrol I had used.  The journey to and from Southport had cost 41.50 pounds.   Damned amazing and I am so glad I bought the Prius.  It’s so much cheaper and more convenient than public transport.

14th         On Monday I insulated my shed with polystyrene and slung fenders along the length of the ‘quayside’ outside our house. Then I started a big ‘get ready’ for the weekend by experimenting with tiny lights in netting.   A bit of cleaning and tidying up on the boat and then went down to the Magic Circle to deliver a letter of support for a man called Jack Delvin.   The Circle is full of ‘politics’ and power struggles.  I don’t get it.  Magic should be fun, not serious.    I am supporting Ali Bongo for President and Jack for vice president because they have worked harder than anyone at the real business of performing as well as doing the backstage committee meeting boring stuff.   After offering a few thoughts on entertaining children Debbie, Graham and I spent some quality time having a meal in Prezzo.   Lightning fast service…not.

15th         Tuesday was a bit more work on the shed and then getting poshed up a bit to go to a meeting regarding a Tescocomparison.com commercial.  I had agreed to make the advert after a bit of investigation into how good they are.  It was a good meeting with a good production team and then Debbie and I went off to the House of Lords.  No, don’t get excited, I have not been made into a Lord (yet… fingers crossed) and we went into my favourite building in the world to celebrate the 80th birthday of an amazing man, Lord Greville Janner.  We had a nice tea and nibblies on the terrace and stayed on for a later meal.   Very famous people spoke in praise of Greville and Topol even sang a song with ‘altered’ words to suit the man and the occasion.   What a good time, what nice people, what a nice man.

16th         Up early with more work on boat and shed and garage, a radio interview before going to the local pub to have lunch with Graham.   He had come round to have a look at how well our garden is doing, and it is!

17th         More or less the same mixture as before, interspersed with some nice bookings coming in and then we got dressed up again to go the annual Bonhams Private view of The Henley Sale.   It’s a good job I gave up collecting oddities or I would have been bidding on all kinds of things.  Bill and Jilly were there and we all walked over the bridge to have dinner at the Villa Marina in Henley.   It was a good time but Bill seems to be developing a crock of a knee.   I hope it’s not serious.   Debbie’s Mum is suffering similar pains and the doctors so far have failed to find the source.

18th         The big event of the day was me going to get fitted for a Ring Master’s costume.  That was a bit of a lark and I had a lot of fun in the shop.               The rest of the day was spent on the boat and packing picnic hampers.

19th        Oh no… the day started rainy and cold so we delayed setting off for the Vintage Boat Rally, at Fawley Meadows just outside Henley.   Eventually we decided to make the best of a bad job and as we set off it started to clear up.  That started one of the best weekends I have had in a long long time.  Everyone was friendly and helpful; the shops were interesting and the boats, large and small and fascinating, were wonderful.  How can you not be moved by the parade of Dunkirk boats?  How can you not marvel at the trouble people take to dress up  in vintage clothing?  How can you not wonder at boats that are over 100 years old and immaculate because of nothing else but tender, loving, care?  The weather was fine and when it became early evening I unpacked the lights I had brought.   All day I had the sensors soaking up the light, mostly from sunshine and Debbie and I spread strings of lights in the upper structure and then the bundled netted lights went along the bulwarks.  I worried that they were not going to be bright enough and added some small lanterns with candles in them.  To hang them I had brought some coat hangers and I chopped them into S shaped hangers.  It was getting darker and they all twinkled brighter and brighter.  The boat looked great.  The effect was exactly what I wanted, delicate and faery like.   Bill joined us for the trip and it ended a perfect day.

20th        I went back the next morning, this morning as I write, and dismantled all the lighting and cleaned up all the bits and bobs.   Debbie was doing her radio show so I took the boat upriver and Hobbs were kind enough to let me berth on the same pier as the large New Orleans boat.   They were having an organized lunch with the chef JuanCarlos from the Caldesi Restaurant.   Debbie came from the studio and joined me, with Bill and Dee for this incredible lunch.   Afterwards we brought the boat home, collected the car from Fawley Meadows, and decided this had been a great weekend.   Tomorrow, Hello Tesco Team… and back to work.

 

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03:45:26 o'clock BST
Feeling Thoughtful

It's the middle of the night and I am in the downstairs office 'cos I needed a drink so I got up.   During my long drive over the weekend the radio was full of discussions on knife crime and I found it interesting that in all the opinions and the 'experts' not one mentioned asking the knife carriers what would have stopped them carrying knives.  Surely they are the only ones who really could come up with a definitive answer to the question: "OK, you carry a knife.  What could anyone do to make you think twice about taking a knife out with you?"

I might as well add my thought to the mish mash of ideas:   At the moment the carriers think they are being 'big' and 'heroes' because they can brandish a weapon and be part of the gang.   I would change the thinking on that and publicise through the TV shows they watch and through the rappers etc., that in fact they are cowards and chicken as well as being stupid.   Cowards?  Chicken? Too right 'cos they are obviously too scared to get involved in a real one on one fight.

I would encourage all the good kids to think of the carriers as stupid for not thinking the consequences through and get them to start a laughing campaign at the 'so called' bad guys for being mental.

I'm going to bed.

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23:32:12 o'clock BST

Hello again. It's been another busy five days. I spent the first couple of days doing the usual household and internet jobs as well as sorting out all the hotel accommodation needed over the next two months. I also started work on various methods for putting solar 'fairy' lights onto the boat. I still have not completely solved the problems of being able to put them up only in the evening and not have them on show all day. My latest idea is to mount them onto garden netting cut to size, but I don't know how I will 'fix' it to the boat.

I did a couple more radio shows about my visit to Exmouth to do a full evening show. The advertising started early and I hope that the local residents take note and remember to come along. The show is always fun.

I had never been to the Henley Festival before and I was not sure what to expect. We were the guests of Bill Alexander, the chairman and his lovely wife, Dee. We entered the large tented area and enjoyed a lovely meal at the Roux Restaurant and met the other guests. As you would expect they were very interesting and Bill gave into his hormones and spent the night ogling Rosemary, a beautiful girl singer from Barbados. The 'grounds' outside the tents were full of fascinating acts, mimes and mummers. There is a great art section, and small arenas showing off various talents.

Sadly for me, the non-music lover, on the evening we went there was only music on offer. After dinner we went to the main arena where we sat in the grandstand to view the large floating stage. The main attraction was 'The Gypsy Kings'. I saw them a few years ago in a cabaret room and I'm sorry to all the lovers of their music, I just don't get it. I don't get it as music and I certainly don't get it as an 'act'; the staging is terrible. Firstly they meandered onstage wearing gear from a Primark store and spent the show singing what appeared to be the same song about 5 times and between times talking to each other with their backs to the audience. They had sadly had charisma bypass operations and weren't all that bothered about entertaining us. Some of the audience got up and danced in the narrow aisles but many others just got up and left for other venues around the site. The only time the show really lit up was when they suddenly went into 'Volare'. The audience, in the main, joined in and I felt I was on a Thomson Holiday. Good bits? They did have a great lead guitar and a fabulous base player. Keyboard player was good too. I felt the rest were there to swell the numbers and their singing voices were of their culture. Festival organisers can't get it all right BUT what followed was wonderful.

The Ceremonial Drums of Dulsori really put on a show. The drumming was sensational and not only was the staging and presentation great but the organisers had put the nightly firework show behind them to add to the occasion. The Gypsy Kings were outclassed, and forgotten.

In a smaller marquee there was a good singer and music but it was interesting to see the musicians faces when Rosemary started to sing. This is a truly impressive singer as well as being a really nice person. Afterwards, at a party, I did some stuff and Rosemary sang. I felt outclassed.

The next day, as I had told everyone, I had an erection in the garden. I didn't do it. A couple of guys turned up with shed panels on a small truck and 20 minutes later I had a shed! Amazing. Debbie couldn't believe they had already gone when she came down to check. Since then, of course, this man has been in and out of his shed. It's what we manly types do, you know.

On Saturday I drove to Southport. Debbie couldn't come with me because once again she had to do her Sunday morning stint on the radio. The trip, although it was over four hours long, was easy until I arrived in Southport and all the traffic was jammed up by an Orange parade. As I sat there waiting I realised that these men, and their fans, were celebrating a battle from 400 years ago. When will we ever learn?

The 'show' was different for me. It was a private party and I wandered around chatting, having pictures done, signing autographs, and doing close up magic when asked. Then I set off to get part way south before turning in. I couldn't find the hotel and it was midnight. The address on the paper led me to completely the wrong place and it took me 45 minutes to find my bed. I slept in until 8.30am the next morning and hit the road south again and got home at 11am. Another day....another week...

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