It's me and this is mine

21:24:17 o'clock BST
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing BBC 1 The Mummy

Hi there hope you are all well, I can't believe that we are nearly 3 weeks into the summer holidays and that my niece TAMSIN has been ehre for that long and only had a matter of moments with her normally we have what is affectionatly called slamming door syndrome. but not this time TGFT is all i can say.

The boys have been swimming and done the usual summer things but the weather has not been upto much has it

aahh well of to the cinema tomorrow and then for burgers at the farm [ Mc Donalds ]

see ya all soon

Alison

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16:36:42 o'clock BST
Feeling Surprised
Hearing none

July 4th 2005

Well we have had an eventfull week, and today is the day my results are out and Marc has had a cancellation so he will start attending Bronllys today he has to be there by 2pm so he will take me to University to get results and then onto the hospital. He will be staying there Monday to Friday and home in the evening and then returning on the Sunday again till the following Friday this will go on for 3 weeks.

O.K. so I / we went to the Uni and there were my results on the board for all to see along with my classmates, when the course began there were 26-28 people in the class out of those 20 made it to the second year and from there 15 sat the final exams and handed in all of their work and out of those only 8 will be Graduating with a ceremony in October. am i one of them ..........

YES YES YES  I am indeed and what is more my grades were amazing well i thought so anyway 2 of my friends got better grades than I did but hey I did good with 4 distinctions and 2 merits.

Marc was so pleased he presented with me in the corridor a bottle of pink champagne that he had bought whilst we were in Paris, which made me cry lol.

He has now gone to the hospital and our boys miss him terrably already although we all know that it will make him better we wish he didn't have to go [ how selfish is that ]

will let you know how he gets on.

 

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15:20:01 o'clock BST
Feeling Anxious
Hearing MADDONNA WOOHOO age showing now i know

March 2005

Well the time has come and my final exams are here for the HND in Computer Science, the dates were given today and will take place in May. The last one being on the day after my Birthday on the 25th.

It has been so long since i prepared for exams that i have almost forgotten how to revise properly and with conviction. Thank God I have a young friend Ruth who has offered to help me and my lecturers are awilling to spot questions from past exam papers as well.

The plan to try and finish the assignments due as they are continuing and the last assignment to be handed in is during the middle of the exams. Then spend each day in the library gathering all of my notes together and looking for the information needed in my many books [lol] !!! I wonder if I could possibly gather any more than i already have if all goes well, and achieve the grades needed i will be asked to return in October for the final 2 yrs of the BSc HONS in Computer Science, hopefully by then I will have decided what to major in Data Forensics is very intriging at the moment but let's get the exams over with first. it has been a long and hard struggle but who knows it might just have payed off for once. 

I would like to thank a few people even though they might not ever read this journal. Firstly to Marc my guide and inspiration through all of the tough times and when I want to pack it all in and forget about it all. To both my parents and to Marc's parents who have supported me through it all and given all the enchoragement when it is and was needed. and to my bestest friend JULES whom I have been neglecting of late and I'm sorry, I love ya very much and only wish that we were closer than we are, [ milage wise not friendship ] thank you so much for all of your listning to my constant whinging and whining and grumbling when things got too tough, you were always there at the end of the phone or in my IM loft for that I will always be gratefull and thank you.  

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14:48:14 o'clock BST
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing can you guess

January 2005

The Shaw Trust put us in touch with a hospital in Bronllys [ 10 miles the other side of Brecon, not far from Hay-on-Wye] When we got there it looked like an old army baracks of sorts with lots of low bungalow type buildings scattered all over the land.

I had to leave Marc for his assessment it started at 9am and I had to pick him up at 6pm. This is a rehabilitation centre where they work with people like marc and others who suffer with chronic pain and also chronic fatigue. Apparently there are only a few of this type of centres in Britain and people caome from all over just to receive the treatment. The treatment consists of different types of stretches exercise and they also deal with the mental state of the patient. Group therapy and phycotherapy and all manner of stuff but nothing too much or deep.

Marc came out with a little twinkle in his eye when i went to pick him up he didn't have to say anything i knew that he could now see there was light at the end of the tunnel and that the centre had agreed to take him on one of their courses, the downside well there just has to be doesn't there the next available place on a course is not untill october the 3rd. well better then than never, we just have to sit tight.

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14:39:25 o'clock BST
Feeling Sad
Hearing again the YOGA STUFF !!!!!!

last October, I found out about an organisation for disabled people and knew from their website that they help the disabled then to get back to work and all sorts of stuff including retraining. It might make a bit more sense if I explain that Marc was beaten and robbed a number of years agoa nd concequently slipped into a coma for 8 days when he came round within hours he suffered a stroke all of this was at the age of 38. We had 2 young children one aged 3 and one aged just over 12mths old. Marc didn't give up but we went bancrupt and lost our taxi firm along with everything including our home, it wasn't much we were first time buyers and we were ding it up slowly but surly. Any hows over the year Marc lost his mobility walks with a stick and has no love for anything anymore and the sparkle has all but gone from his eyes. It has been difficult to watch but what Marc has been left with has no name and he is in constant chronic pain.

LO and behold the SHAW TRUST do know what it is and they can help us but they dont know how long it will take for Marc to receive his treatment and we don't know if he will be accepted on the program either. Here's to HOPE.

 

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14:30:47 o'clock BST
Feeling Surprised
Hearing New age yoga

O.K. so my friend Jules did warn me and now i am snared by the Scouting Movement and have become an assistant Cubs leader RAKSHA - the mother wolf.

That was back in Nov-Dec last year and have now completed 4 modules of my training. If there is anyone out there who has advice and help for a newbie it will all be taken on board and used. AKELA calmly announced during our AGM last month that he was stepping down as soon as I had completed my training so I can take over,this is somewhat nostalgic for me because it was my in-laws that started the Cubs and Scouts in this area over 50 years ago and since then several of my aunts and cousins have been AKELA for the sameScouting Group.

Jacob and James love it all and James has just come back from his first Scout camp they went near Blackpool and on the way home called into Camelot theme park which he thought was great.

As a surprise Skip also gave him his instructors badge because he taught all the other Scouts and not only in his own troop how to make scoobie woggles. SEE mums are good for something after all ROFL !!!

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14:24:01 o'clock BST
Feeling Ecstatic
Hearing New age Yoga Music

Well It's been a long time I didn't realise how long it had been.!! So much has happend so I think I will put them into different catagories, and as different journal entries.

Paris was amazing Marc was totally bemused and didn't have a clue as to where we were going until the call from the desk in all we had breakfast in Cardiff, lunch in Amsterdam and dinner in Paris.

It was a wonderful trip as we arrived and charles de gaul airport a taxi picked us up and took us to our hotel we had a quick wash and change and i made marc wear formal dinner wear which he was intreagued over, we welked under the eiffel tower and drank pink champagne and ate our oesters then off for a walk around the tower it was bitterly cold and marc found it hard to get from one end of the park to the other but he never complained and we took our time.

a taxi was booked and waiting for us to take us to the centre of Paris where I had booked the dinner of a life time for him. i had managed to get tickets to the Moulin Rouge show and dinner, [ that is why he needed the formal dinner suit, can't get in other wise] it was amazing and funny and to see the look on his face was worth it all when he saw the windmill and realised where we were headed.

Yep it is now official I do love him even though it is hard with him being ill, he is my best friend lover and soul mate.

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22:40:38 o'clock GMT
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing NONE

Well it's Marcs Birthday on Sunday 14th and I have just booked us into a little hotel for the night, it's just under the Eiffel Tower in Gay Paris I'm soooo exited hope he likes his surprise he thinks we are goin to Cardiff shopping where in fact we are goin to the airport ROFL !!!!!

I love this man so much it hurts, truly nothing slushy about it I have found my soul mate and I'm so glad that it is this wonderful person that I have fallen for. he is kind gentle loving thoughtful and the best thing is that he loves me as well for all my faults and warts he doesn't care.

whats more we have also been to the doctors and have been given PATCHES we have to give up smoking the both of us so here we are 24hrs on and it's not too bad to be honest with you i just hope it will continue like this.

Our boys are great and growing well loving cubs and so am I these last few months we have had such a busy and changing time it has been hard to find the time to write in here.

hope all is well with whom ever reads this.

hugz Alison

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23:34:41 o'clock BST
Feeling Ecstatic
Hearing none - Casualty BBC1

Well, what an eventfull week i have had and a truly remarcable one at that. I enrolled yet again for my course and my father has been waiting nearly 7 yrs for his bypass surgery and he had it two days ago. I can not explain the fear and relief that I am feeling at this moment in time, he is a strong man and whilst visiting him today he was making himself a cup of tea can you believe that because I couldn't. I was flabbergahsted and delighted maybe now in time I shall have my old dad back.

On the same day that my dad had his surgery I was seeing my own doctor at the surgery, I have a large amount of facial hair on and under my chin and have gained 3.5 stone in 4months to top this off I have not seen a proper period in nearly 18mths, all in all i have not been worried and thought nothing of it untill a friend of mine saw something on a medical programe and told me to get it checked out. i had all the usual blood tests but they all came back clear and so I was not on the change and was told to loose the weight. - GREAT !!!!!! I thought a smart arse for a doctor, then he offered me another blood test this time loking at my testosterone levels and there it is sure as hell I have got enough testosterone for a school full of teenage males lol anyhow the crux of it all is I have Polycystic ovary syndrome. if anyone reads this and also suffers from the condition would you please get back to me. thank you !!!

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23:02:57 o'clock BST
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing film on channel 5

As I look back on this past week I cannot help but think of the future and what it might hold and what effect my studying will have on my families life.

I have been told that I am an inspiration to my children because they can see me studying and will often bring out their own books to study along side me. I do not spend as much time with Marc as i would like it seems all my time is spent in front of a monitor, or with a lap top well on my lap.  He sais he doesn't mind but does he? would you? we don't do much as a family any more due to Marc not being well and my studying.

The phone rang on Tuesday late morning, it was the call I had been waiting for since my last exam on May 20th, My head of year with the results, did I want to hear them, YES... but did I really? It was a lot to take in i must admit I am not a clever cloggs and never have been, I had to work hard in school just to reach an average grade, it is not so different now, but to those of you who thought I would be a failiur I must be true to myself and admit that I am doing this for you all because i would dearly love to show you all that I am more than just a mother and wife, I can succeed and I will in building a new life for my family with a decent vocation and a better standard of living.

3 Distinctions, 2 Merits and a Pass, can you believe that I can't... guess that means I have indeed passed my first year and now qualify to do the extra year so that I will now get a BScHons so that can't be bad either can it.

Our youngest wants to know when am I going to have my Harry Potter Party ROFL !!!!! we went to see a friend of ours graduate and he thought it was all "Dead kewl", everyone dressed in black cloaks and moterboards. "So Mammy, when is it your turn"," Oh son not untill you are nearly 11", but one day I will achieve my goal and I will make my family proud.

ONE DAY, ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE.

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