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23:10:00 o'clock BST
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing Bachman Turner Overdrive
Culture with the gangsta and the brush
Like the man who tries to run from his past mine turned up and bit me on the arse , pocket and liver on saturday morning as two of my great mates , Pete da Gangsta and the Brushmeister visited Portland for a day and night of limited culture . Both lads were looking forward to drinking kidney shrinking levels of beer , taunting some fighting lesbians and enjoying a concert from a urine soaked entertainer . However our first task was to get down to the Chesil beach and cause some serious depletion to local fish stocks .
The big strategic mistake I made when selecting our "Killing Fields" for fish was to stop adjacent to the beach pub . We set up our rod and lobbed some dead attractive looking lures to the fish ... I have never gone fishing on this coast before and failed to catch but clearly this was going to be that day . Brush was the caster extraordinairre one of his casts actually missed the sea as it went straight up in the air causing gangsta and I to run for cover . basically we ended up throwing all my hooks and weights into the sea and going to the pub instead .... As Brush remarked later ... we did kill a few fish .. the ammount of lead we lobbed into the sea must get a few of the bastards . (in time)The only thing we did well was lob the fine pebbles that make up Chesil beach at each other . This is what happens when professional men get bored !!
A spokesfish for mackerel described us as hopeless clueless bastards !!
From there it was the usual Portland activities of eating .... I could not eat the heads of whitebait and was roundly abused by my colleagues and even referred to as a chutney ferret ... not a nice thing
From the cove ... fine meal .. to the Encyclopedia ... fine Guiness.. finally to our destination .. The "Hellmouth" aka Satans portal to earth where every night is halloweeen . Lots of alcohol served by the biactol kid behind the bar and a chance to watch Munster vs Toulouse ... not a great game but the beer was good . Sadly only one fighting lesbian turned up so no fighting as she was not a self harmer . Gangsta did comment on the rather aggressive skin tone on display but I managed to explain that the particular lady had just left the fish shop where she had been "Bobbing" for chips!!
gangsta and brush entering the "Hellmouth"
Gangsta is a hard drinking man who can cope with alcohol really well . Here he is having just sniffed a barmaids apron . At this time Brush and I were probably doing something manly!!
From here back home for a quick dinner and straight back on the lash ( No S&M reference intended) Back to Mars (Pub with 70s decor) for some organic hop beer whilst eating lentils and wearing arrans with the rest of the grateful dead clone clientele . From there we took in Gods waiting room (Legion) Whils in the legion we happened to notice that the guest ale would indeed be appropriate to the talking fox !!
It is now been firmly established that the Brushmeister is not fond of the taste of a frothy headed Foxes Knob !! Back to the Encyclopedia (more Guiness and then we thought drink sensibly so we set off for home .
As we walked back past Mars , Tina the barmaid shouted knightcap lads ?? Our ability to drink sensibly went into melt down and we drank more stuff !! Back home and The lads went upstairs to their rather cosy double bed complete with plastic woman .. A thoroughly enjoyable night of culture !!
To conclude a little hint to men everywhere on how to get your woman to dutch oven herself next time you uncork a bottom genie in the bedroom . You need to reply on the self defence mechanism all women have when threatened with attack from above .
1) Produce a silent but deadly guiness and kebab induced botty genie (nb !! do not follow thru and papper your own bed !!)
2) Shout watch out pet to your innocent and trusting partner before pretending to spit twice in the air .
3) In the style of the 300 Spartans avoiding arrows she will dive under the quilt for protection . As this is of her own free will I do not think that a divorce solicitor can count this against you ..... awaiting a test case !!
4) She breaths a sigh of relief before realizing she has been had by your superior intellect , surfacing and saying "Nice one lover ... got me there!!)
Alternative 4) She breathes sigh of relief , gags , Knees you in nuts and calls you a filthy bastard !!
Try it guys and give me your feedback .... My thanks to the "Lightening Boy" Northern man of culture for this handy tip .
regards
Shaun
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foxs nob?? i guess the bingo adds aren't too lucrative.Beckie x
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They look so tame in the photos, are you sure you didn't dream that?
Linda.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/lindaggeorge/GeorgeMansions/ -
You lads are an absolute handful. Oh dear! Bad wording... Don't thank me Shaun! lol. I once attempted fishing... hook tangled up tree and me trying to untangle hook for the fishing duration wasn't much fun. As for the last part. with a P. You boys are all mucky pups. I say this on a nightly basis In my house! lol. ;-) Love Pam xx
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Boys are so gross !!
Jaynee X
04/06/08 12:36
http://journals.aol.co.uk/zoe