Life, the Universe and Everything

All publicity is - supposedly - good publicity: yet some television commercials grate on my nerves to such an extent that I actively avoid the products that feature.

The major culprit here had to be the Wriggleys Orbit chewing gum advert where they dressed people up in a white tunic (I think they are supposed to represent teeth) to fight off plaque acid - which is invisible - whilst a man of vaguely Mexican appearance played a guitar. A pack of chewing gum is a handy item to be kept in that small change pocket of ones jeans. I used to chew Orbit as a child - it is sugar free gum, so it does not cause cavities - but that advert has made me so angry that I have switched brands.

Then there is the razor blade ‘arms race,’ which shows no sign of abating. I switched from single-bladed disposable razors to reduce the amount of plastic that I threw away: it was purely an environmental decision. Somebody - mum most probably - bought me a triple-bladed razor in the early days of the blade war before things got too mad. One of the more extravagant models has six blades: five on the front for comfort and one on the back for precision. The closest shave that I have personally experienced was with the old single-bladed disposable. Within my friends and family, the only shave that can top this is one with a cut-throat razor: one blade appears to be the best. The advert for that six-bladed beast even says that the one blade on the back is more precise than the five on the front for crying out loud! People still buy it even though the replacement blades are extortionately priced.

While we are on the subject of shaving, there is currently and advert for a brand of shaving creams and lotions that has the slogan: “makes shaving pleasurable." I am seriously contemplating lodging a complaint that this is in breach of the Trade Descriptions Act on the grounds that the only thing that can ever make shaving pleasurable is realising that you could actually get by skipping this odious chore.

The Halifax Building society has been using their own employees in commercials for what appears to be centuries. The original idea of counter staff singing a reworking of a popular record to illustrate why you should save with the Halifax was quite a good idea. The trouble is that it is now getting a bit old hat and needs a new approach; and boy did we get it. That new advert with Howard Brown - the original star of these adverts - and the cartoon talking fish is just sphincter-clinching in the embarrassment that it causes. Does the advertising agency that came up with this dross not realise that this Halifax advert is up against those brilliant Nationwide commercials? As somebody that finds financial matters so painfully boring, I will judge which building society is the best by the quality of the commercials alone: so the Nationwide would win that one.