blog of a disaster prone woman!

Today I'm angry!

I phoned the home where my Grandmother is and asked if there is anything she needs.....gawd....she has no clothes...she is wearing size 18 stuff and she is a 14!

But I did laugh my nana is about 5ft and has size 7.5 feet...thats where I get my huge plates of meat from...cos everyone else in the family has small or average feet!

She has no toiletries, her slippers are too tight, So today I am going "nana shopping" I will have to sneak into places like Bon Marche, Places that I dont frequent that often.. I need Nana vests nickers nighties trousers tops and cardigans...

It was quite difficult trying to have a conversation with the carer at the home she appears to have a Scottish Phillipino accent and there is me with the broadest suffolk accent "she said she needs underpants"  

Oh dear never mind wish me luck....

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I'm sure I'm one of those wimmin that just trundles from one disaster to another....or are they just lifes little crisiss and I create a bloody drama out of them...I dont know!

Last week started off fine...lovely weather.. felt great..Wednesday I clarked of to Norwich for lunch with a couple of strange women I know....and as I was in Norwich one must visit Pradamark! (PRIMARK) There household stuff is ok but some of their clothes...blimey I think they are made for stick insects..I bought some size 16 pj bottoms...got them home and they wouldnt even fit over my thigh! so they had to go back as did a so called silver ankle bracelet that turned out to be an ordinary bracelet!

I planned to return on the friday to exchange everything....

Thursday arrived and it all went downhill from there...it was my mums solicitor asking me if I knew that my nanas house was going on the market...had i given my consent ...to which I replied "no" the house is 2/3rds mine. Shits sake what ever is going on in Scotland now. which is where my sister step brother and nana live!

Detective maudie then gets on the case....i phoned every estate agent in Nairn...no one knows what I'm talking about...I then phone social Services and find that my nana was admitted to residential home in April...oh great so why wasnt i told? brother n sister ganging up on me again? So much speculating and reading up on care home fees, power of attorneys, and telephone conversations with family n friends....

Email sent to sister as yet no reply...she is one third owner of the property....I wonder if she is selling to bail my irresponsible brother out of debt...she is so protective of him its unreal!

Friday come off I go to Norwich...i was sitting on the train and suddenly without any warning i realised "god I really need a wee" usually Im one of those that hangs on for so long that when i do eventually go its like a pint of tango! Anyway dealt with that hobbled off the train crosslegged and crawled to the ladies...such relief! Done all I had to do in Norwich then was sauntering down road that leads to train station and I suddenly became aware of the way I was walking....sort of a lop sided limp slouch affair.....fgs woman walk properly! but felt awful discomfort in back..

Anyway went to work Saturday....was Safe holding a violent client when suddenly I lost my grip..ohhhhhhhhhh my back...on Sunday pins and needles across shin....and no warning when I want to go to loo! Sciatic nerve up the shoot I think...and now today.....my manky dental bodge up is giving me some discomfort.....IBUPROFEN Supplies required!

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Right well I've not kept you up to date with my maudlin ditherings lately but I have either been asleep, at work or away!

Had a few days away in London....went to the Supremes exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum....erm it was ok but shittin hell not worth £5...but I did spend next few days singing "ooooooooooooooooooooooooh baby love my baby love". Actually spent a lot of time in the local pub...so hence when I got home I slept for about 24 hours...Im not used to this drinking socialising malarkey! Also I walked along canal and up Primrose Hill...christ I needed a cigarette when I got to the top....and a bit of oxygen...I think I had altitude sickness!  Did have an amble around Camden Market .....a few bargains to be had there....These things just have to be bought.....Saw that Jodie Marsh there...talk about draw attention to yourself...shits sake who walks about in Gold skin tight leggins and furry ugg boots, on one of the hottest days of the year....actually it wasnt the leggings that caught my eye it was her makeup ......christ it was thick....her face was nearly orange! and her nose it looks like its been moulded out of playdoh! but anyway I was hossing into my chicken fahita sitting on a kerb with guacamole dip dribbling from corner of my mouth trying to look half elegant with my dress that held together with wonderweb I nudged my friend who was too busy trying to rescue their serviette from flying away, by the time i had managed to say who it was .." you know her from Big Brother, Page 3 etc " she had gone out of view! So back to guzzling! Then we went for a drink...at some bar near the lock...My friend said in not the quietest of voices "Ere can you smell something" I just looked gormless and said "Like what" Again in not the most subtle way they said "Wacky bacci" or something , me not being up on all that just looked about stupidly then saw the longest roll up ....think it needed a crane to be put to the individuals lips....Then I studied the individual well I say she was about 14 if a day..with bright pink hair with black roots....she had a skirt on well actually it was more a pelmet...that revealed more than it should....and she had on display a hairy navel...dr marten boots with no laces and some form of top ..looked like a bra to me but I actually think it was a tee shirt of sorts.....I think I'm getting old and im becoming either a grumpy old woman or just boringly normal! Or god forbid ....a frump!

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What I did omit was that I did climb up scaffold and was precariously balanced clutching a paintbrush and a large tin of exterior emulsion stuff. But I frightened myself and had to clamber down. I pretended I was cool calm and collected just in case neighbours just happened to spot me loitering with intent to paint a house!

The safer bet was to rig up linen line from scaffold!

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Its mended at long last! But now everytime I head outside I get hit on the head with bloody peashingle! Where it is drying off some of the small stones loosen and drop off! Just one problem I want the rest of the outside of my house done and I cant afford it! Im off to "real work" soon and I really dont want to go only about 8 more "real shifts" and I'm finished...I really have gone into shutdown now!

But one has to think money I suppose! Which reminds me I must stop spending bloody money...did I really need those brightly coloured dishcloths from Poundland or those smelly candles!

No I didnt ..must make note to myself ..praps if I put it on my shopping list (of things I dont need) it will stop me spending, but I doubt it very much! 

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Oh I went for an interview today and was offered post even before I had interview.

I'm retiring from my present job as I find it so stressful and I am not really management material which is what I am doing. I didn't do my Enrolled Nurse training donkeys years ago to be a manager I never asked to be a manager. I just somehow drifted into it...and I find it very difficult. I'm more of your "2nd in command type of person" That way you do a bit of office work but you can still be "hands on"

So I have gone to an agency and they welcomed me with "open arms" well I suppose they would really. 31 years experience working with people with Learning Disabilities!

So I had a quick natter about how I would prefer to work with folk with Learning Disabilities and Most embarrassing of all I had to declare my "Criminal Offence" I know its spent 29 years ago, but hell i nearly got refused house insurance because I was reluctant to declare my offence "Drunk and Disorderly in a public place" The Lady who was interviewing me laughed and said "You got caught, how unlucky" And I know someone who didnt declare a minor offence as she thought it was not worth the paper it was written on and it was seen as withholding details and she was not offered the job..that she was the ideal candidate for.

So anyway I'm quite happy now Ive got a part time job...Ive even doing NVQ Level 2 and an induction course! Should be interesting...Just got to learn to keep my mouth shut about "When I worked at so and so we done it like this!"

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 He has moved from teatowel basket to a basket for a cat that is half his size, I'm having serious concerns about this daft cat...I think he has mental health issues!

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Just a quick word to say thank you to all that have read my blog and left comments! I'm glad my disasters cheer you up! lolol And here follows another one! How did I just know there was a pending crisis!

I was up at 6am ready for the imminent arrival of builders at 7.30...so they all arrived at 0800! At one point there was about 8 men crammed into my little garden...Got to say it was all very organised, Scaffold went up within 40 mins albeit they had nothing to stand on and fell through one of my garden chairs! Then they were off...quick yarn and text and a discussion about what happened on Saturday night! Which I shall not divulge!

Then the removal of the render.....I did think it was all going too smoothly I could hear lumps of stuff falling on the patio floor...then came the knock at the door! Oh here we go ...."We have a bit of a problem" I just looked and "Really" I just knew it wouldnt be straightforward!  Bloke said how are you with ladders....I just gave him a glare...FGS I was wearing a denim skirt no way was I hiking up a bloody ladder to view my bricks! or lack of them as it turned on to be....If you look he said the bricks are crumbling and theres no mortar in between them they are soaking wet!  I just looked very complacent I think you get that "look" after several years of disasters...I mumbled an a bit an "oh dear" Then I went into action.... "So what has to be done then?"...At this point the boss turned up he speaks broad Suffolk or it could be norfolk..."Hell those bricks look loike as if they are held together with Soot n brick dust" Suddenly my brain goes into gear "So as this was unforeseen, is it worth contacting my Insurance company?" Which I duly did....after what seemed like 4 hours of listening to "Greensleeves" and "Sorry to keep you waiting, your call is in a queue" I got the builder to talk to her as I by this time was losing the will the live and was numb and greensleeves was whirring about in my head! Well it turns out that as it was unforeseen apparently I can claim, so photographs were taken by builder of the profuse lack of bricks n mortar....and I printed them off...unbeknown to me there was a picture of a "builders bum!" and the wet bricks had been removed and loads of roof insulation and polythene was now on display! So things progressed roof tiles were removed I then went off out returning two hours later to find my house covered in Green tarpaulin. I hope it doesnt blow a gale in the night.....I mite be like the house in the Wizard of Oz and go hurtling off into space wearing my new red shoes!

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This is where I am supposed to keep my tea towels etc one of those basket affairs you have instead of cupboards but as you can see it has been taken over by the "diabetic epileptic, half a tongue, age 15, cant possibly eat that hideous cat food you buy i want butterscotch instant whip, and if you cant buy me that I shall walk about swish my tail and I will starve until you do! Or failing that some of that very nice catmilk will do until you give me "proper human food"!!!! 

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