Do I Look Fat in This?

I hope this will be the beginning of a successful journey...one that will hopefully at the end find me looking healthier, fitter and definitely thinner!  I have had high blood pressure for about 10 years now and have been on medication for it.  These past few months have seen that blood pressure increase, despite the medication, and so they have had to double the dose I was once taking.  Now....I find...I have high cholesterol as well.  There is a family history of heart disease.  My grandfather died of a massive heart attack when he was only 54...sheesh...that's only a few years older than I am now.  My dad has several blockages in the arteries to his heart, but because of his advancing years they refuse to operate on him in Canada.....I guess if you are old over there...you aren't worth the money a by pass operation would cost.  My Uncles all have heart disease and have had heart attacks...and the younger ones are only a few years older than me.... and both my mother and my brother (who is five years younger than me) have been on cholesterol busting medication for awhile now.  (And THEY are both skinny) 

 My youngest son always said to me..."mummy, you're not fat...you're just fluffy."  But who am I kidding....I am fat...and that's half the problem...the other half the problem is I have a love affair with food and have had for years...and to top it all off...I am a Chef by trade...oh agony...where is thy sword...  I had a resting electrocardiogram last month and the heart tracing showed some minor changes...and now I have to go have a echocardiogram...is anything with the heart ever minor?  It feels pretty major to me....I lay in bed last night and all I could hear was my heart pumping.....and it sounded like it was racing to me......I lay there waiting for it to explode...I had a really hard time falling asleep and this morning I feel all drug out and beat.  It's time I stopped fooling myself...... I am a heart attack waiting to happen and it's too soon for me to go.....I'm only 51 and I have two new grandsons I have yet to see.  Time to give myself a big kick in the ass and make some changes......the treadmill has been ordered.....

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• #2 Comment from cindytessier 
  21/10/06 11:50 | Permalink

  good luck sis!  i will enjoy this blog as much as i do the others.  i'm sure you will be inspiring to many.  brother isn't really all that "skinny" nowadays and it is a real challenge for him to not gain weight.  i think we have a genetic pre-disposition to gaining weight and it doesn't help that our family is vertically challenged as well!  it's hard living in the shadow of a mother who only weighs 83 pounds soaking wet and who was obessed with her weight.  she was terrified of "letting herself go" after having three children and was probably bolimic....there, i've said it.  but what do you call it when someone makes laxatives a part of their daily diet and makes themselves vomit when they feel uncomfortably full.  her generation was uneducated about this stuff.  when i think back, she would frequently spend 20 mins. freshening up  in the bathroom after a big meal.  i too am weight obsessed.  tho still thin, i see everything i put in my mouth as a number in calories and feel tremendous guilt for indulging.  i learned as a teen to skip breakfast and lunch so that i could eat as much as i wanted in the evenings.  tho not bolimic or anorexic, my eating habits are not healthy.  i see myself as a fat person living in a thin body that someday will explode and expose me for what i really am.  anyways sis, i love you as you are and you are beautiful in my eyes no matter what, but i am behind you in your effort to maitain a healthy weight/diet.  i want you to be around for a very long time!  (((((((((((hugs))))))))))http://journals.aol.co.uk/cindytessier/cindi-loos-hoos/
• #1 Comment from bobandkate 
  19/10/06 14:28 | Permalink

  Marie,
  Good luck in your with your new blog and the weight loss. Although with all that delicious food you cook I don't know how you can resist it (LOL!). I'm rooting for you anyway!
  Kate.
  http://journals.aol.co.uk/bobandkate/AnAnalysisofLife/