Archives
December 2005
18/12/05
03/12/05
I REALLY should not be allowed to think
01/12/05
03 December 2005
21:11:00 o'clock GMT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Kelly Clarckson - Because Of You
Not much to say. I just feel kinda restless. It's that feeling; like I'm waiting for something, it irritaes me more than anything. Last night I had one of those moments I get. They usually come when I'm alone or vulnerable. It's like I suddenly realise that this is all real; life's not just some game. I WILL die some day, so will everyone I know, and it scares me that I dont know what comes after that. It's the worst feeling in the world and I would give almost anything to never feel that way again. It used to happen all the time when I was little, but as I grew up they became few and far between. But now that i've given up all beliefs it feels worse.
Last night I was thinking about when to 'come out' to my parents. Mostly just to get my mind off that horrible morbid pain. I was thinking, not before 14. I mean, there IS still a chance this is a phase. I've only technically been gay for like a year and three quarters. SO if I come out and then I turn straight itt'll be like all that bother for nothing, y'know? But then again, 14 is mebeh too young for me. I mean; worst case scenario they kick me out. Where do you go at 14? Slightly less dramatic than that, it changes the relationship forever. I'm extremely dependant on my parents and if they start treating me differently i dont know what I'd do. I'm a total 'mummy's boy', and my mother is at a higher risk of going into total freak out mode about it. -sigh- oh the trials of life. I tell you, I NEVER in my wildest dreams thought that life would be this complicated. And then there's my religious grand-parents. God, I don't know where they stand on the whole homosexuality 'issue' [-puke- that almost made me cry when that woman said that to the priest guy]. My gran on my mum's side should be okay with it. And then there's my brother. The typical straight guy. WHich means, when he finds out, he'll freak, then apologise, but always be awkward around me from then on. Should be pleasant, eh?
ah well. C'est la vie.
Written by kingmuzzy7 Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | 
digg this
21:11:00 o'clock GMT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Kelly Clarckson - Because Of You
I REALLY should not be allowed to think
Last night I was thinking about when to 'come out' to my parents. Mostly just to get my mind off that horrible morbid pain. I was thinking, not before 14. I mean, there IS still a chance this is a phase. I've only technically been gay for like a year and three quarters. SO if I come out and then I turn straight itt'll be like all that bother for nothing, y'know? But then again, 14 is mebeh too young for me. I mean; worst case scenario they kick me out. Where do you go at 14? Slightly less dramatic than that, it changes the relationship forever. I'm extremely dependant on my parents and if they start treating me differently i dont know what I'd do. I'm a total 'mummy's boy', and my mother is at a higher risk of going into total freak out mode about it. -sigh- oh the trials of life. I tell you, I NEVER in my wildest dreams thought that life would be this complicated. And then there's my religious grand-parents. God, I don't know where they stand on the whole homosexuality 'issue' [-puke- that almost made me cry when that woman said that to the priest guy]. My gran on my mum's side should be okay with it. And then there's my brother. The typical straight guy. WHich means, when he finds out, he'll freak, then apologise, but always be awkward around me from then on. Should be pleasant, eh?
ah well. C'est la vie.
Written by kingmuzzy7 Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | digg this
