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11 November 2005
20:51:00 o'clock GMT
Feeling Sad
Hearing Magic Numbers - Love Is Just a Game
i went out w/Melody for the first time today. Twas fun, we were trapped in LIDL lol. "i think you have to buy something to get out" "Wrinkle cream? no, i dont want wrinkle cream what are these? oh baby wipes!" lol.
School was vaguely eventful. Shelby was giving Melody shit so i told her off [lol], she was all 'you cannie tell meh what to say teh peepul' so i said more stuff and she said 'are yoo gay?' and i said 'yes' and they all swagger off laughing. cunts.
then lee was being a -deep breath- monkey fucking, attention seeking, cunt sucking, teacher bating, arsehole, holy mother of moses, moron of all morons. so i shouted at him so euan said 'shut it orr i'll start oan ye again!' what? you'll burst into tears and try to kill aimee with a stool? so i was pretty pissed off for some time.
it sucks. i can't talk to my parents about it, because most of the pain i feel has its source in my sexuality. i feel like shit. all the time but i smile and i laugh. people dont seem to understand that pain is an inward feeling. just because my cheeks are dry, it doesn't mean my heart isn't heavy with the burdon of life.
i could go on and on about my problems. i want to but you'l all get sick of me and i'll lose the only thing that's keeping me sane.
but i feel like i need to get it off my chest. i need validation, i need love.
okay, here goes. the biggest problem is the person i keep referring to as 'someone'. i know it's trivial. i know it's stupid and i know that i've most likely scared him off by talking about him so much. do i care? i don't know, i'm past recognising common emotions by now. i can't help how much this hurts. since nicola's already said it in her journal, i guess there's no point in denying how i feel. she was going to edit it out but i told her not to because i'm that screwed up. whether my thoughts are well-founded or not, it hurts so much, because there's nothing i can do about it.
and on top of that i've got the pain that i feel for no reason. doesn't it just call out 'wonderful life'?
ah well. please comment. i need validation, its an obsession and i'm not well if my obsessions aren't fed. what a pathetic arse i am.
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20:51:00 o'clock GMT
Feeling Sad
Hearing Magic Numbers - Love Is Just a Game
it returns
School was vaguely eventful. Shelby was giving Melody shit so i told her off [lol], she was all 'you cannie tell meh what to say teh peepul' so i said more stuff and she said 'are yoo gay?' and i said 'yes' and they all swagger off laughing. cunts.
then lee was being a -deep breath- monkey fucking, attention seeking, cunt sucking, teacher bating, arsehole, holy mother of moses, moron of all morons. so i shouted at him so euan said 'shut it orr i'll start oan ye again!' what? you'll burst into tears and try to kill aimee with a stool? so i was pretty pissed off for some time.
it sucks. i can't talk to my parents about it, because most of the pain i feel has its source in my sexuality. i feel like shit. all the time but i smile and i laugh. people dont seem to understand that pain is an inward feeling. just because my cheeks are dry, it doesn't mean my heart isn't heavy with the burdon of life.
i could go on and on about my problems. i want to but you'l all get sick of me and i'll lose the only thing that's keeping me sane.
but i feel like i need to get it off my chest. i need validation, i need love.
okay, here goes. the biggest problem is the person i keep referring to as 'someone'. i know it's trivial. i know it's stupid and i know that i've most likely scared him off by talking about him so much. do i care? i don't know, i'm past recognising common emotions by now. i can't help how much this hurts. since nicola's already said it in her journal, i guess there's no point in denying how i feel. she was going to edit it out but i told her not to because i'm that screwed up. whether my thoughts are well-founded or not, it hurts so much, because there's nothing i can do about it.
and on top of that i've got the pain that i feel for no reason. doesn't it just call out 'wonderful life'?
ah well. please comment. i need validation, its an obsession and i'm not well if my obsessions aren't fed. what a pathetic arse i am.
Written by kingmuzzy7 Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | digg this
