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10:24:00 o'clock BST
Feeling Worried
Things are going from bad to worse.
Paul got home from hospital on Friday afternoon and I've spent this week end catching up on my rest. You do not realise how much energy it takes visiting someone on a daily basis at the hospital. Paul was in the new Royal Infirmary in Edinburgh at Little France and it is about an 80 mile round trip and the roads you have to use to get there are the worst for traffic jams and hold ups. It takes about an hour and a half to get there and usually about 2 to 3 hours to get home depending on how much traffic is on the Forth Road Bridge.
We had a long chat with his Consultant and basically it was all about transplants. If my Hubby did not have Hep C there would not be any problems and a transplant would be a very effective way of treating his condition but as he does have Hep C it causes lots of problems. All his results are not back yet but according to his blood work there is a chance that he could develope cancer on the liver and also go into liver failure. Like all illnesses you cannot predict when or how long it will take this to happen. So! the plan at the moment is to keep him under close observation and leave the transplant until the last possible moment. It was explained to us that if they were to go ahead with the transplant now the graft would be attacked straight away by the Hep C virus and it could destroy the new liver very quickly and he would be back in the same position he is in now. Also because he has the virus he is only allowed one transplant and if it does not take or anything goes wrong they will not be able to help him in any way. For someone without the virus they would give them another liver but they have found over the years that with Hep C patients if the first one does not take none of the others will take either. After hearing that I was dead against my Hubby having a transplant but if he develpoes cancer or liver failure they will have to try and see if a transplant will work for him. His life expextancy if it takes will only be about 5 years.
This news hit me hard and I just can't seem to take it all in. Surely there must be something they can do to help him. I do not want to lose my husband and the way they are talking no matter what action they take the outcome does not look so good. My hubby has been very quiet as he now realises just how serious his illness is. I've been praying that his bloods remain steady from now until we are both in our old age but I know life is not like that and you just have to take what is given to you. We were both of the impression that a transplant would solve all his problems and to find out different has hit us both hard. He said to me yesterday that he feels as if he has a ticking bomb inside him and in a way he has as his liver could fail at any time or cancer could develope.
I know there is always someone worse off than yourself but at this moment I would gladly lay down my life to save my husband having to go through this but then he would still not be happy as he would not have me. I'm trying so hard to stay possitive and not panick everytime I look at him and see just how ill he is looking. I'm frightened to talk about it to him incase it upsets him more than it already is. I'm feeling totaly lost and don't know what to do to make thigs better or easier. For the first time in my life I feel as if I've hit a brick wall. I really don't know what to do and for me that is unusual. I usually always have an answer or an idea.
We are both religeous and thankfully that is one comfort we have. I pray daily to have this taken away from him but I strongly believe that there is a reason for everything and this must be what my Hubby has to deal with. The rest of his results should be back by wednesday. He has an appointment for 4 weeks but if the results are not good they will call us at home and get him to come to the hospital sooner. Everytime the phone rings from wednesday we will wonder if it is the hospital or just friends and family calling.
We have had to break the news to our son and daughter and we found that very hard. Our daughter wants to come home as she is a nurse and thinks she could be a great help to us both. Our son also wants to come home too but we've told them to hang on just now until we get all the results and know exactly what the position is. It is easier for our son to get home as he is in New York but our daughter is in Australia and she feels she is too far away. We have left things as they are just now until his results come through then a decision can be made.
I dread to think how this is affecting them as they are both very close to their Dad and living abroad it is not easy to get home at a moments notice. Paul was looking so well at Christmas time that they both must be in shock to get this news about their Dad.
Well till my next entry take care and God bless. I'm sorry I seem to have moaned all through this update but I cannot find anything uplifting or happy to say except that my friends dog had 10 pups and they are all doing well. So I think I will end on that happy note.
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Joyce I have just been reading back on your other entries ~ I am so sorry that you are going through such a bad time ~ do try and keep positive thoughts ~ I pray when those results come through they will be better than you thought ~ you are both in my thoughts and prayers ~ Ally x
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As I told you in an email Joyce, they always have to tell you the worst possible outcome. That is the law now. We are all praying that things will work out much better than you think. I can imagine how tired you must be. I was wondering if there are any help groups you can contact, people who are in a similar situation or that you can contact a counsellor. They do such good work. I spoke to a counsellor only recently and they do help. Knowing you have some back-up and someone you can really pour out all your troubles to and have a good cry if you need to is a blessing.
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Oh Joyce, I do feel for you, I can`t even imagine just what you`re going through. I suppose the doctor had to tell you worst possible scenario but there is always a good chance that things will not get that bad. Try to keep your spirits up and I`ll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
(((((((Hugs)))))))
Love Sandra xxxx
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Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww about the puppies.
Joyce I am so sorry that yall are going thru this. I pray daily for you to have the strength to bear what you have been given.
09/06/07 23:48