Hearing Friends

‘Deaf’ doesn’t tell you how differently I hear.

These words have a page to themselves early in my book ‘Hearing for John’. They are important because

they draw attention to the uniquely personal way in which hearing affects each one of us

they prompt us to think about ways of overcoming a difference rather than a disability.

We are all different in so many ways. None of us is exactly the same as anyone else. Many of the world’s most successful individuals have had to overcome differences. Just think how many ‘giants’ in business, politics and sport have in fact been surprisingly small people, dwarfed physically by their peers. The difference in size has given them an incentive to work harder at being more than equal to their larger ‘more normal’ peers. Differences help to emphasise our individuality, and allow us to recognize that we are special. This can usually be positive. But somehow it doesn't seem to work that way with hearing loss. We try not to be remembered for a disability. But that’s partly because we allow ourselves and other people to treat our problem as a negative. Why should we not do something different – work out how to spot advantages in the ways we overcome our different hearing? What’s to stop us feeling quietly confident, even proud of being able to show that we can connect with the world in our own  way?

If we want to promote this feeling of difference, rather than disability, there is one simple step we have to take.

We have to be more open. No point in doing everything we can to conceal our hearing loss – that only gives us a whole list of extra stresses to deal with. Being open, declaring without embarrassment or reservation that we have a hearing loss helps others who are trying to connect with us. If we try to hide our problems we give them problems – we make it difficult for them to know how to treat us. They may draw back, afraid to upset us. But being open puts all the cards on the table and allows us to play the game of connections in the way that allows us and them to express ourselves in a effective and relaxed way.

If you don’t already do it, why not give it a try? You will be surprised how many ‘doors’ it opens.

copyright John Marshall Mills 2007

all rights reserved

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