Make 'Em Laugh!

Subject: Zen Wisdom

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
me for I may not follow.  Do not walk beside me either. Just
pretty much leave me the hell alone.

  2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
and a  leaky tire.

  3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal
your neighbor's newspaper, that's the ti me to do it.

  4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

  5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

  6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

  7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

  8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

  9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

  10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

  11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

  12. If you tell the truth , you don't have to remember anything.

  13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

  14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

  15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

  16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

  17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark
side and it holds the universe together.

  18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

  19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

  20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

And last, but not least......

  22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

|  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this

• #4 Comment from krmprm 
  28/07/08 17:02 | Permalink

  Loved it!  Took me years to gain all this
  wisdom on my own.   Thanks.  Pat
• #3 Comment from jeanno43 
  19/07/08 22:03 | Permalink

  Loved this posting
• #2 Comment from helmswondermom 
  17/07/08 04:33 | Permalink

  These are wonderful!
  Lori
  http://journals.aol.com/helmswondermom/DustyPages/
• #1 Comment from lsfp1960 
  14/07/08 06:28 | Permalink

  those are great words to live by.   Linda in Washington http://journals.aol.com/lsfp1960/LindasWorld/