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The Sum of the Parts
A grey and cold Sunday afternoon brought me a real treat this week in the shape of the film Hidalgo. It’s not one I’d taken any particular interest in before, apart from admiring the general hunkiness of Viggo Mortensen. Given that I’m largely immune to the charms of action films, it came as a charming surprise to find myself totally absorbed in this tale of an American endurance rider who became the first outsider to compete in the Ocean of Fire, a 3,000 mile race across the Arabian desert.
That’s what it appears to be about on the surface, but the subtext is all about the plight of the Indian race and the wild Spanish mustang and – more importantly – Frank Hopkins’ need to come to terms with his own mixed-race heritage. Haunted by witnessing the massacre at Wounded Knee, he turns to the bottle and ends up in Buffalo Bill’s sideshow, until challenged to enter the race which will change his life.
Perhaps it struck a chord more than I would have expected because I’d just had a few lengthy conversation on the theme of unaccepted parts of ourselves and how we can be paralysed by our inability to integrate them. We all know the mechanism of projection, where we project qualities on to other people because we cannot see them within ourselves. Often these are negative traits, but in reality we’re also projecting our positive qualities on others as well. These disowned parts of ourselves are the things we despise and admire in others until we learn to accept that they lie within us, not just outside of us.
We’re all merrily projecting away all the time – one look at the gossip mags will prove to you how much we do this on a societal level as well as an individual level. What’s a little sadder than straight projection is where we’ve become incapable of accepting and utilising a natural talent, so it simply lies dormant within us. It becomes very difficult to live anything approaching an authentic life if you cannot make use of your gifts and be comfortable expressing them.
The reasons behind such choices – and they are choices, even if they don’t feel like them – are that we feel those talents are not acceptable to others and that expressing them will bring us shame or humiliation. Some of us will be fortunate in having others who will recognise those talents and be kind enough to woo us out of the places where we’re hiding from ourselves. Not everyone is that lucky.
Over time, parts of ourselves become alienated because they weren’t acceptable to authority figures in our lives or because peer pressure halted our individuation when we simply didn’t want to be different to anyone else. That kind of repression can cause us to become so distanced from our talents and skills that we don’t even recognise we have them any more. It doesn’t always have to be a traumatic cause, either – even the habituation of a long-term relationship or becoming a parent can cause you to forget what made you tick before you became more accustomed to addressing other people’s needs rather than your own.
The process of rediscovery is an exciting one, but it can also be quite scary too. If you’ve forgotten you had a talent, then it’s hardly surprising that you may not feel too confident about it once you begin to unveil it again. Part of the process is coming to understand that it’s safe to express yourself in that particular way, by unravelling the fears that have held you back.
This week take a look at a skill you have that is under-utilised. If you need more insight, ask a friend what they think is your most under-used talent or pay attention to the one form of expression that scares you the most. Start looking at how you might be sabotaging yourself or under-valuing what you have to offer. Notice the self-criticism you have about it and the ways in which you shut yourself down. Think back to how others responded to you when you expressed yourself in that way and what decisions you made in response to that. Then decide to take action – stretch yourself, do something you’ve never attempted before, set aside some regular time to develop your skill. Break through the self-imposed barriers and choose to enjoy your talent, regardless of what anyone else thinks about it.
In the words of a prayer by Ste Thérèse of Lisieux, “May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you ... Let this presence settle into your bones and allow your soulthe freedom to sing and love.”
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All material © 2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.
Tags: Self-Confidence, Projection, Hidalgo, Ste Therese of Lisieux,
iamfabulousco at 19:22:00 o'clock GMT Blog about this entry |
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Absolutely - equal opportunity quoting all the way. If it works and gets the image/idea across, it shouldn't matter who said it.
But the fact that it did matter to me is a gift - it showed me I need to take a look at my issues with St Therese and around my perception of her using weakness to manipulate others - which reminds me very much of my mother.
So it's all good, really!
x -
You know, it's fine to feel that strongly about the way the church institutionalises disempowerment. One of the reasons I take a multifaith approach is because I just can't bear the 'we're not worthy' approach that pervades orthodox religion. However, I am an equal opportunity employer when it comes to inspiring words, hence the St Therese quote. It matters less to me who said it than whether or not the quote evokes the message effectively.
And thank you for your feedback. Life would be altogether too dull without intelligent debate!
Ax -
What a wonderful entry until you added a quote from a woman who excelled at manipulating others by playing the victim - "OH, I'M SO WEAK. God forbid I should be responsible for my own spiritual development, so JESUS will take care of it for me!"
Yes, I know it's one of the big triggers I need to look at, but I *hate* people, and women in particular, who won't take responsibility for their lives.
Therese of Lisieux represents the limp-wristed woman the Catholic Church sees as ideal. It's actually deeply disturbing to see how worshipped she is by the clergy, most of whom are terrified of strong women.
End of hobbyhorse - I've actually proved your point that what makes us angry or scares us the most is what we need to look at.
So let's end on a positive note: fabulous entry. xx
23/03/08 10:46
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