I Am Fabulous

We live in crazy times.  Most days I tend to ignore that fact, but then something bizarre rises up and slaps you about the head and shoulders until you finally have to accept that frenetic behaviour is now the norm.  We don’t seem to be capable of simply sitting still for even a few minutes – read moments for some people – without desperately seeking some form of outside entertainment.  A friend of mine, Robert Holden, calls this modern phenomenon the ‘manic society’. 

 

When I first heard that term I could see that we all seem to be frantically busy and overwhelmed with emails and mobiles – busy, but not necessarily productive – yet there’s a whole other layer of mania developing that I’d not witnessed before.  Culturally, we are developing into a society of people utterly incapable of simply being still.  Let’s face it, who among us doesn’t start sending texts when we have a few idle moments at the restaurant table when our friends are all congregating outside for a quick nicotine hit?  They might only be gone a couple of minutes, but we’re nervous of even a few moments alone with our thoughts.

 

While that might be what passes for normal behaviour these days, this week I saw something that quite alarmingly demonstrates just how deep this aversion to dealing with our own thoughts actually can be.  On a routine trip to the doctor’s surgery, flipping idly through the traditional selection of ancient fashion magazines with curled edges and strategically missing pages, my reverie was disturbed by the unmistakeable sound of a computer booting up.  Assuming that there was no way anyone would bring a laptop to a doctor’s surgery, I figured this had to be just another new kind of ringtone.  This assumption appeared to be borne out by the sound of a woman droning away on a business call on her mobile, directly under the sign which politely requested all visitors to the surgery to turn their phones off.

 

Mildly annoyed at her lack of courtesy and bored by looking at out-of-date fashion pics, I decided to just sit quietly with my thoughts.   A man sat down opposite me as I closed my eyes and, with the droning woman as a faint hum in the background, I managed to grab a few moments of peacefulness.  Then came a sound that can only be described as what I imagine a gorilla would sound like if given free rein to pound away on a keyboard.  I glanced up to see the man across from me bashing away at his laptop as if he were trying to beat it into submission.  Blinking in disbelief, I looked to my right and there was the woman pecking away at the keyboard on her computer in a gingerly fashion, her typing facility somewhat impeded by her 2-inch nails.  I was in the midst of duelling laptops – in stereo.

 

Now, if I lived in New York, that might be acceptable behaviour, but a doctor’s surgery in west London – are you kidding me?  Since when have we been so alienated from our own inner world that we’ve become incapable of sitting in a room without a laptop for the few minutes it takes to wait for your doctor’s appointment?  That really scares me way more than the mobile/text thing.  Occupying yourself with a phone is opportunistic – you already have it, so it’s an easy distraction.  Lugging a laptop into a surgery is a major statement that you feel you have to occupy every single available moment in order to feel worthy.  Very, very scary.

 

So what would I rather they do?  Quite frankly, pretty much nothing.  Allow a few random thoughts in.  Look around them.  Muse on an idea they’re developing.  Check out other people’s style.  Maybe not even think at all.  Yeah, I know that’s a tall order, because our manic minds love to be occupied, so here are a few suggestions to occupy you in the bank queue, while waiting for the bus or as an alternative to the vintage mags at the doc’s:

 

·         Get a moment of peace by closing your eyes and simply focusing on your breath as it goes in and out over your upper lip.  When your mind wanders, return it to that sensation of feeling the air go in and out.  This is a simple relaxation/meditation technique to use when you need a quick burst of tranquillity.

·         Go on what Esther Hicks and Abraham call a ‘Rampage of Appreciation’.  Start listing what you appreciate about your life right now and what you’ve really enjoyed in the past.   It’ll really perk up your energy, leaving you feeling happy with what you have.

·         Pick a quality that you’d like to have more of in your life – for example peace, joy, love or creativity – and try to focus for a couple of minutes on what your life would be like if you had more of that.  This helps to build mental focus and elevate your mood.

·         For a confidence boost, do a quick success blast from the past.  Think of as many times as you can where you’ve achieved something, got a job you really wanted, had a project well received or got together with the person of your dreams.  Focusing on how you’ve done well improves your self-image and self-confidence.

 

This week, give yourself some down time.  Stop trying to occupy every waking moment.  Resist the temptation to send a text or an email rather than sit with your own thoughts.  Muse a little.  Turn off the iPod and find out what thoughts are lurking in your own mind.  Look around you.  See what inspiration you can draw from your surroundings.  Smell the coffee.  Breathe deeply.  Be present in your own life.

 

 

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com.  

For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk.  To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk.

All material © 2008 Alison Porter.  No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

iamfabulousco at 23:28:30 o'clock BST Link to this entry | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

Cultural references are fascinating.  Just when I think we’re all sharing the same reference pool thanks to global communications, something rolls around to remind me that we all have our own stories.  As you probably know, whenever I need a bit of downtime you’ll find me trawling through the star-studded frocky horrors on www.gofugyourself.com, which occasionally includes the sartorial slips of male celebrities as well. 

 

Today’s fug comes to us courtesy of the MTV Australia Awards, where Wyclef Jean appeared wearing some curious plastic headgear that the Fug Girls quite rightly slammed.  Unfortunately they failed to realise that he was paying homage to the famous Australian bushranger, Ned Kelly, who wore homemade armour – thereby laying claim to an early Derelicte range a la Zoolander – to protect him in his chosen line of work.  While Wyclef wasn’t exactly rocking bushranger chic, at least knowing the reference makes appearing in public like that vaguely understandable, rather than certain grounds for sectioning to the nearest mental health clinic.

 

Just having that cultural reference meant that a story lay behind what seemed like a straightforward fashion faux pas, imbuing it with meaning.  OK it was still a bizarre outfit, but at least it had a story behind it!  The point is that stories are embedded in our lives and they will resurface when we least expect them.  We are the sum of all the stories we have absorbed and believed to be true.

 

Through story we share experience, learn new skills, express emotion and connect with others.  Christine Baldwin, author of Storycatcher, reminds us that “It is only in the past 50 years, and only in industrialised countries, that we have turned to machines, instead of each other, as the primary sources of entertainment and education.  Most of human history people have sat around the fire, sat around the kitchen table, sat around the front porch and offered ourselves and our ordinary insights to each other.  We’ve talked and listened, laughed and cried, and passed along incredible amounts of information about our families, traditions, beliefs, skills at problem solving, and resiliency, all buried in story.”

 

We’re still doing that, but in ways that are less personal – every time we experience music or a film with a friend, we’re sharing stories.  If we’re blogging, we’re story-telling, but to an unknown audience.  But it’s the personal stories that matter the most – the ones we tell ourselves every day.  When they’re good ones, they have a positive effect, making us feel more confident in ourselves.  When we re-tell negative stories, however, we erode our self-confidence and limit our possibilities.

 

Self-awareness brings us the freedom to let go of our old stories and create new ones that serve us.  We set ourselves free from the prison of our own beliefs about ourselves when we create new stories, opening up to infinite possibility.  One of the great Indian sages, Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, said of this kind of non-attached awareness “Freedom from self-identification with  a set of memories and habits, the state of wonder at the infinite reaches of the being, its inexhaustible creativity and total transcendence, the absolute fearlessness born from the realisation of the illusoriness and transiency of every mode of consciousness, flow from a deep and inexhaustible source.  To know the source as source and appearance as appearance, and oneself as the source only is self-realisation.”

 

To the sage, when we learn to dis-identify with appearance and story, then we can become who we truly are.  What makes this incredibly difficult is the amount of emotion attached to the stories we hold to be true about ourselves – the ones where we’ve been betrayed, failed or suffered loss, as well as the ones where we’re loved, successful and happy.  When the story is a sad one, we can hold on to the story relentlessly to reinforce a negative belief about ourselves or to hold blame against another.  Even seemingly positive stories can have a shadow if we use them to reinforce an identity that is inauthentic, for example success stories in a career that we don’t actually want to pursue can keep us locked in the holding pattern of living up to other people’s ideals.

 

This week, let’s do a story audit on your life.  What kind of stories do you tell yourself on a daily basis?  Is the balance generally positive or is it tipping over into the negative more often than not?  What’s one story or belief about yourself that you could let go of that would make an immediate difference?  To help you out with that one, look for stories that prove that you’re no good at something or that you can’t have what you want.  Dig out the unhelpful tales to make space for ones that uplift you.  Now ferret around for positive stories that illustrate how you’ve overcome obstacles in the past, been a success or simply had good luck.  Write them down so you’ll have those positive memories to hand when you have a bad day.  Share them with friends when they need a little uplifting too.  Stories are powerful motivators, so make sure yours are fabulous ones.

 

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com.  

For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk.  To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk.

All material © 2008 Alison Porter.  No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Tags: Story, Christine Baldwin, Storycatcher, Wyclef Jean, Ned Kelly

iamfabulousco at 21:44:58 o'clock BST Link to this entry | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

 

It’s been a pleasure to tap away on my laptop today, looking down at the intricate beauty of the peacock-influenced henna patterns swirling up my hands to my wrists.   After an afternoon at my friend Kate’s pre-wedding Mehndi get-together, we’ve all been adorned with stunning original designs drawn freehand by a Mehndi artist.  As rituals go, this is a pretty cool one – it’s fabulous fun, as well as an opportunity for the bride to spend her wedding eve with her good friends doing girlie stuff to mark the passage of her life from single to married woman. 

 

Of course that got me thinking about the importance of ritual – not that my mind is ever far away from that kind of subject – and how rare it is that we mark the major events of our lives with ritual any more.  Culturally, as many of us move away from formalised religion, the rituals drop away too.  Yet that leaves a void where we fail to honour a natural desire to celebrate or reverently mark transitions and passages in our lives.

 

In essence, ritual provides recognition – like a psychological line in the sand – and support for both the uplifting and challenging times of life.  We gather together to acknowledge our shared experience and to offer our love and friendship in the good times and the bad.  It offers us comfort when we need it most.

 

Beyond the classic spiritual sense of ritual, there are also the everyday rituals that offer us support and bring us joy.  There’s the morning coffee that wakes us up and signals a mental shift into the working day.  Or the Sunday morning brunch over piles of newspapers that sets the scene for a leisurely day.  Maybe it’s a Friday night with friends that makes you feel connected with life outside work or family, or a regular meditation that keeps you de-stressed and on the straight and narrow. 

 

The point is we all have rituals in our lives, whether we choose to see them that way or not.  I’d put money on the fact that you have a particular order for the way you put your make-up on, clean your teeth or even put credit cards in your wallet.  We humans are creatures of habit.  It makes us feel safe.  Ritual activities also helpfully signal that we’re ready to move into a different state, for example whatever preparation you make before going to bed at night is a cue to your mind and body that it’s time to start shutting down.

 

Doing the same thing repetitively sets up pathways in the brain that pave the way for you to enter that state more easily each time you do it.  That’s why it helps to use the same physical position each time you meditate – after a while, your body and your mind start quieting down as soon as you assume the position.  You can use this to your advantage by anchoring that feeling to a small movement and a ritual saying, so that every time you perform that action you’ll feel as peaceful or joyful as you did when you first set up that association of emotional state and movement.

 

Try this next time you’re feeling particularly relaxed and peaceful – pinch your thumb and index finger together, while saying a phrase that reflects that feeling, for example ‘I am at peace’.  Keep repeating the phrase as you put your fingers together and over time just the motion itself will begin to induce a sense of peace.  Then you can use that motion to help you calm down in times of stress.  The body has memory that can be tapped into to help you re-create any emotional state you want to experience more often.

 

This week, take a look at the role ritual plays in your life and ask yourself if the rituals you’re unwittingly creating have a positive association for you.  If you’re caught in a round of regular activities that feel a bit stale, start building some positive routines.  Shake things up a bit.  Think about where you can turn small daily acts into greater pleasures.  If there are bigger transitions taking place, consider getting a few friends together to create your own special ritual or simply do something yourself that helps you to mark the occasion.  Get creative – and you might even want to treat yourself to a henna tattoo for a slightly more permanent marker!

 

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com.  

For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk.  To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk.

All material © 2008 Alison Porter.  No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

iamfabulousco at 22:30:58 o'clock BST Link to this entry | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

We all have our trials and tribulations.  As my father says, some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue.  What helps us get through our ‘statue’ times is a deeper sense that there’s a greater purpose at work.  If you feel that you’re the victim of a random universe – or of a pigeon on a mission – it’s hard to take refuge in the idea that what you’re experiencing can offer you anything in terms of wisdom or growth.  Even more frustrating, when you’re in the midst of a difficult issue, justice and fairness can appear to be well and truly absent.  However, when you lift yourself up to a higher perspective and are willing to let go of the need to know why things occur, comfort can be found.

 

Of course, when you want to get a message across, there’s nothing more powerful than a good story.  You’ll see this used to great effect in the new book by the astrologer, Robert Ohotto, Transforming Fate Into Destiny.  He advocates raising our perspective from ego prayer to soul prayer when petitioning the Divine for what we think we need in our life.  In his view, “Ego prayers originate mainly out of what we think  we want … sometimes these are things we’re told are important by the media and our culture, parents and peers”. 

 

To illustrate the concept, he gives a fictional example of an ego prayer by a character called Mike, including this passage – “I hate my current boss, He’s always criticising me  and never appreciates the hard work I do – he totally reminds me of my father.  This new book I’m reading says prayer and visualisation are powerful, so I’m going to visualise making a million dollars by next year through this new internet gig – could you give me a hand with that?  It would be great if you could help me manifest it!  Then I could quit my current job, get some cool clothes, buy a house, lease a new BMW and have money to travel to the Bahamas next fall.”

 

Ohotto goes on to imagine God’s response as “Let me give you a glimpse of things from my perspective: First of all, before you were born, you made an agreement with your boss that he would come into your life at this time to help you heal your issues with your father and how his criticism wounded you.  This means your boss must treat you much like your Dad did in order to trigger your old wounds so that they can surface again and can be dealt with now that you are an adult … This is very important to accept, because where you are going next in your life, you will need to learn how to validate yourself in ways your father could not.  You are going to be running a major company in the years to come and will need to be a true leader with authentic soul-esteem.  Since that is not done yet, you need to stay in the same job … Now about this financial request, you are not yet mature enough to handle a million dollars.  That amount of cash would exploit current flaws in your character that you are not aware of and hinder your spiritual development.  At this point, you are not able to handle the choices that come with that amount of money.”

 

To show the qualities of a soul prayer, Ohotto creates a fictional character named Victoria, who prays “All of my previous requests to be a breakout success as a fashion photographer here in New YorkCity seem to have been ignored.  I’m having a really hard time in my life right now; my heart is very heavy.  I know I’m meant to be learning things and with your grace I can get through this period.  You know that I’m currently in a job that I can’t stand.  I hate waiting tables when I have a Master’s degree in art and photography – it’s so humiliating.  I feel like such a failure.  How am I going to continue to get by as a waitress living here in New York?  Although I came here two years ago to explore creative opportunities in the fashion industry, nothing is panning out, and I feel lost and invisible.  Am I on the right path?  Is there another way I’m meant to use my talents and skills?  Waiting tables can’t be all there is for me in this lifetime – right?  Please show me what I need to learn so that I can go on to the next part of my journey.  I’m willing to look at whatever I need to within myself in order to heal and move my life forward.”

 

In this dialogue, the Divine responds to Victoria’s soul prayer by telling her “I know that you have been having a hard time and that things have been tough, but it has all led you to this point of authentic surrender.  Although you came to New York City wanting to be a fashion photographer, that is not really your dream, but only what you thought you wanted in order to belong and ‘be somebody’.  Things have not worked out over the past two years so that you would begin to clarify what your soul truly wants to create in this lifetime.  You are just about done with this lesson, my dear.  I will sustain you through this time of difficulty as your ego’s desires burnout and your heart ignites.  You were never meant to work in the world of fashion and you wouldn’t have been truly happy there.  But you are indeed meant to be a professional photographer.  When you are finally ready, I am going to help you to become incredibly successful.  For now you must learn the lesson of humility and surrender.  When you can feel just as good about yourself as a waitress as you would being a famous photographer, then you will be ready for the next steps in your journey.  Until then, you must stay in your current job.”

 

If you have a problem that’s bugging you right now, try lifting your vision to a higher perspective and formulating a soul prayer to help you see what qualities this might be strengthening in you or what old wounds might be coming up for you to heal.  Assume that there’s a purpose in what you’re experiencing – rather than bemoaning your circumstances, turn your assumptions upside-down and see what good might be obscured by what you have decided is bad.  There’s no guarantee you’ll figure it all out right away, but at least having a sense of soul purpose will lift you out of victim mentality and into a much more creative frame of mind, knowing that there’s meaning to whatever you’re going through.

 

Use soul prayers to help you to open to the guidance that will get you on track.  As Ohotto says, “Soul prayers ask of the Divine: Please infuse my contribution to this situation with your deepest wisdom and my highest potential.  Show me, dear Universe, where I am afraid to hear your answer to my prayer, where I am blocking my own clarity, and why.”

 

To find out more about Robert Ohotto’s work, he’s regularly interviewed for the I Can Do It show on www.hayhouseradio.com and his personal website is www.ohotto.com.  If you really want to get out there, post your prayer on www.dear-god.net – the latest non-denominational online bulletin board for prayers brought to you by the founder of Cool Hunter.

 

And here's the aptly-named New Soul video from Yael Naim.  It's the catchy one from the Mac Air ad ...

 

 

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com.  

For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk.  To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk.

All material © 2008 Alison Porter.  No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

 

Tags: Robert Ohotto, Transforming Fate Into Destiny, Soul, Prayer, Vision

iamfabulousco at 19:56:41 o'clock BST Link to this entry | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Curiously – particularly as I Am Fabulous was born out of a bottle of prosecco – and without any rhyme or reason, I find myself on the wagon.  It started about a month ago after a bit of a fizz-fuelled evening.  I’d been doing quite a bit of meditation at the time and was feeling pretty in tune.  Then I managed to throw myself a curve ball with the rather injudicious application of a large quantity of alcohol.  To be honest, it wasn’t a major decision to never drink again, but I just didn’t like how it had made me feel.  So here I am, four weeks later, still somewhat surprised by the turn of events, but finding abstinence very easy to uphold.

 

That’s the odd part.  Every time I’ve tried to give up something before, it’s always been a bit of a battle.  Yet, when the time is right, the bad habits just slip away without any effort.  The same thing happened when I struggled to give up smoking many, many moons ago.  I tried everything – cutting down, scare tactics, ear acupuncture, even smoking menthols because I loathed them, which only resulted in a big-time St Moritz habit for a few years.  Even when I managed to give up for brief periods through sheer grit and will-power, I would still crave cigarettes.  Then, one day – again during a period when I was doing a lot of meditation practice and feeling more in tune – I got up in the morning, smoked the one cigarette I had left, thought to myself that I really didn’t enjoy it, anddecided to give up.  I never smoked again and never wanted to either. 

 

This time, it’s less of a conscious decision, but it seems to be working beautifully.  I have absolutely no desire for alcohol and find it really easy to say no when others keep asking me to join them in a drink.  I don’t feel deprived or that I’m missing out on anything.  I do suspect that I shall fall off the wagon at some point, but for now it suits me and I’m very happy with the way things are – I’m enjoying my current clarity and all the other benefits that come from dropping that particular indulgence, such as improved sleep and a bit of weight loss to boot.  Can’t be bad, can it?

 

So here’s my theory of the week – when we are in resonance with our higher purpose, what no longer matches that will naturally fall away.  Take this ‘on the wagon’ business, for example.  I didn’t set out with that intention, but having put a lot of energy into working on my own personal purpose and spiritual focus lately, I’m noticing how the things that do not resonate with that are simply dropping out of my life.  Consider it the ‘spin cycle’ of personal development – when you make a personal shift, what’s around you either shifts with you or gets cast out of your orbit.

 

Try it for yourself.  While I was working on a spring feature for the rather fabulous women’s site www.ivillage.co.uk this week, I came across the idea of taking an ‘addiction break’.  That’s where you pick an addiction like coffee, cigarettes or booze and replace it with a healthy option like fresh juice, walking or swimming.  You can do it for a day, a week or a month.  At the end of the experiment, you just might like how you feel enough to make it permanent. 

 

Super-charge the change by linking the ‘addiction break’ to something positive you want to create for yourself, like focusing on a health goal or finding more personal clarity so you can up the ante on your career or life purpose.  Spend time daily immersing yourself in the positive feelings that this new focus gives you.  When you genuinely enjoy making a change, there’s no will-power required.

 

Never underestimate the power of clarity.  As Marianne Williamson says in her book, The Gift Of Change, “I’ve noticed in myself that if something small and ultimately meaningless has gone wrong – I can’t find a file I left on top of my desk, my daughter failed to do what I asked her to do before going to a friend’s house – I can easily get rattled.  But if someone calls to inform me of a serious difficulty – someone has been in an accident or a child is in trouble – I notice a profound stillness come over me as I focus on the problem.

 

“In the former case, my temptation to become frantic does not attract solutions, but rather hinders them.  There is nothing in my personal energy that invites help from others, nor do I have the clarity to think through what I need to do next.  In the latter case, however, all of my energy goes toward a higher level of problem-solving: my heart is in service of others and my mind is focused and clear.  When I am at the effect of the problem, I become part of the problem.  When I am centred within myself, I become part of the solution.”

 

Become part of your own personal solution this week, by dropping whatever gets in the way of finding clarity on your own purpose.  For a little extra help, HarperCollins have generously made the full edition of The Gift of Change: Spiritual Guidance For Living Your Best Life  available to read online for the next 30 days at:

 

http://browseinside.harpercollins.com/index.aspx?isbn13=9780060816117

 

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archives by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com.  

For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk.  To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk.

All material © 2008 Alison Porter.  No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

iamfabulousco at 18:56:34 o'clock BST Link to this entry | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

If you know me, you’ll probably be aware that whenever I can’t sleep I listen to the online radio spiritual talkshows I’ve downloaded to my iPod – it doesn’t require getting out of bed, doesn’t overstimulate the brain and generally you learn something new.  That seems like a good deal to me – maximum gain for minimum effort!  I love the inspiration I get from those programmes and every now and then something will set off a train of thought that ends up on the pages of I Am Fabulous.  This time it was a single sentence about manifestation by Doreen Virtue, saying that in order to attract a particular circumstance, the caller would have to be “on the frequency of joy”.

If there’s one space that very few of us manage to hang out in on a regular basis, it’s got to be the frequency of joy.  It’s almost sacrilege to answer ‘fabulous’ if someone asks you how you are or to wander around looking too perky, lest someone may attempt to wipe the smile off your face toute de suite.  We’re not a culture that does joy particularly well.

However, that’s a habit that needs to be broken.  If we want to draw opportunities to us, rather than struggle to make them happen, creating a new emotional habit of joy is what’s needed.  Now, you’re probably not going to go from a mediocre level of enthusiasm for life to a high-octane one in a single leap, but here are a few clues on how to up the ante on your emotional level and make that stretch towards joy – and ultimately towards attracting what you most desire into your life.  The universe has a way of mirroring your own attitude, so it’s a pretty safe bet that feeling  good about yourself and life is going to bring you more of the same.

Do What Appeals To You

You’d think it would be a no-brainer, but we tie ourselves up in knots trying to fulfil other people’s expectations or do what we think is the right thing, rather than doing what we intrinsically feel is right for us.  Alan Cohen, author of Joy Is My Compass, tells a great story about inviting his 8 year-old god-daughter to his ordination in Hawaii.  When he explained what the ceremony would entail, she responded with disarming honesty “I don’t think I’ll be there.  I’ll be bored.”  OK, so you don’t have to be that blunt, but admit it – I’ll bet that’s something you’ve been dying to say on many an occasion.  Next time you feel like that, turn down the invitation.  Turning up and being miserable won’t do anyone any favours.

Don’t Speak For Your Limitations

How often do we put more energy into talking ourselves out of something we want to do than talking ourselves into it?  Next time you feel really drawn to something and keep coming up with reasons why you can’t do it, put more energy into finding the reasons why you can do it.  It’s amazing what you’ll be able to make happen when you stop filling your head with self-imposed limitations and start having some faith in yourself and your own creativity.

Make Everything A Choice

No word is more depressing than ‘should’.  There’s absolutely no joy in feeling that you ‘should’ do something and there’s nothing uplifting in feeling that you ‘have to’ do it.  Try this trick to shift you out of burden and responsibility and into more joy – no matter what it is, if you genuinely need to go through with it more from obligation than inspiration, then at least decide to choose it.  If you’re stuck in a dead-end job, stop focusing on everything you hate about it and remind yourself that you’re choosing this because it pays the bills until your creative work begins to pay for itself or because it’s teaching you a new quality or refining a skill.  Get the Pollyanna vibe going and choose what you’re faced with – it’ll make you feel more empowered and when you feel that way you’ll be more likely to take the steps that will get you out of there.

Live Your Passion

Again, a no-brainer.  Unless, of course, you’re so divorced from your own joy that you don’t even remember what your passion is.  Luckily, there’s a little more wisdom from Alan Cohen on the subject, in response to the question ‘What do you do if you have no passion for anything in particular?’.  He replied, “You have just been trained from a young age to live in ways that are socially appropriate, to the extent that you forgot who you were when you were in touch with your passion.  A good way to get back in the flow is to notice how everything you do feels.  Does it light you up or shut you down?  You have to be impeccably honest about this, especially with yourself.  Then begin to engage more in the activities that make you feel warm and fulfilled, and let go of activities that leaveyou feeling cold or empty … As you build your skill of staying in touch with your true desires and living from then, you will start to feel more and more alive and also sense where your life force guides you at any moment.  When you are honest and real about the little day-to-day decisions (which are really not so little) you get connected to your overall sense of passion about life and your purpose here.”

 

Follow Your Intuition

 

No matter how odd it may seem to be.  Really.  You have no idea where you might end up.  I have plenty of stories to uphold that one – paying attention to inner promptings has brought me many serendipitous encounters, leading to new friends, work opportunities and fresh inspiration.  I’ve learned that if there’s a strong pull to do something – even if I can’t work out why – the smart move is to just do it, knowing that the purpose will eventually reveal itself.  It’s less of a leap of faith these days, rather than a sense of trust that acting on strong intuitive impulses is always well-rewarded. 

 

Take Pleasure In Small Things

 

The more you put your attention into appreciating the small joys that  make themselves known to you every day, the more likely you are to attract the bigger joys to you.  It’s the attitude of gratitude that does it.  Ifjoy is a frequency, then keeping your attention on the joys in your life – however small – will attract more of the same, as you’re already resonating to that quality.  Keep your focus on appreciation for what you have.  That will lead you to the next step, which is …

 

Hold A Positive Expectation

 

When you appreciate what’s already shown up, you’re more likely to hold a positive expectation for what you’d like to draw into your life.  Focusing on lack is not a joyful attitude.  Creatively focusing on how good it would feel to have what you desire is a vibrational match for the frequency of joy. 

 

You can use any and all of these techniques to build the habit of joy.  Drop the habit of collecting evidence as to why things won’t work out and start creating a life where they will.  As Alan Cohen says, “To grow, you must be willing to let your present and future be totally unlike your past.  Your history is not your destiny.”

 

 

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All material © 2008 Alison Porter.  No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

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For a change, let’s start with a bit of Rumi to get you in the mood.  This one’s called The Guest House …

This being human is a guest house.  Every morning a new arrival.  A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!  Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honourably.  He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

In essence, Rumi reminds us that if we really want to live an authentic life, we have to learn to embrace all the diverse parts of ourselves, no matter how unattractive they may seem.  Real danger lies in the decision to repress the parts we don’t like – or that are not appreciated by others – and only embrace those we consider worthy.  When we do this, we split away from our true self and create a persona of acceptable characteristics that is ultimately unsustainable.  It takes an awful lot of energy to maintain that charade.  Inevitably, at some point we will end up self-sabotaging, as those suppressed qualities rise up to the surface, creating havoc in our perfect world.

Nowhere is this dynamic more rampantthan in the spiritual arena.  It’s the home-from-home for people who want to latch on to the light and pretend the dark doesn’t exist.  It’s a lot easier to delude yourself that you have no shadow when you’re focused on the light.  Yet, the truth will out, and we have seen countless examples of spiritual leaders with feet of clay in recent years.  But this isn’t just an issue for those in authority, it’s one for all of us as individuals. 

Just recently I’ve seen this tendency in living colour again, watching someone with soi-disant spiritual leanings behaving in a manner that was anything but.  It’s what I call faux zen – professing to be spiritual, giving lip-service to having an enlightened awareness, but acting in ways completely out of integrity with those beliefs.  It’s so easy to talk the game of higher awareness these days, but so much more difficult to actually live it. 

Being able to quote a few new age platitudes is not a sign of depth.  Real spirituality shows itself in the way you treat yourself and others.  It’s about kindness, integrity and a deep connection to life.  Some people find it through organised religion and others carve out their own paths.  A genuine sense of the spiritual is humble and all-embracing, allowing others the freedom to find their own way and honouring their choices with a profound respect.  You know it when you see it because there’s a humility and vulnerability about people who have that connection – they’re secure in what they believe and above all they’re not trying to play God.

Life is so complex these days, it can come as a relief when we think we’ve found someone with all the answers.  Yet unless what we’re seeing is someone who embodies humility, chances are we’ve just met another Wizard of Oz.  A grounded person will encourage you to honour your own wisdom, not pull the superiority trick.  It’s too easy to give our power away to those who we think have more knowledge or wisdom than we do, but that’s just another pothole on the path.  Ultimately, it’s about gaining your own awareness, not parroting received wisdom from someone else.

This week, help yourself along the path to authenticity by embracing whatever comes up for you, however lousy that may feel.  If you notice some sadness or a feeling you’d rather avoid, let it be OK.  Don’t push it away.  Just notice it, feel it and let it pass.  Don’t hide from the characteristics in yourself that you find unattractive – if you do, you’ll only project them.  Accept that there are times you behave in a less than perfect way.  Look for signs of faux zen – where in your life are you pretending to be something you’re not?  Do you have people in your life who act like authorities, but who don’t walk their talk in an authentic way?  Where might you need to knock someone off their pedestal and take back your power? 

Seek the real treasure that the darkness hides, as Debbie Ford addresses in her new book Why Good People Do Bad Things.  She recounts “It was my own journey through darkness that helped me build an intimate relationship with my authentic nature.  It was not my good self but my evil twin that lead me to heal my emotional wounds and ultimately launched my career … In fact, it was my inability to function well in the world that forced me to strengthen my spiritual connection and learn how to thrive, even after devastation.  It is the very darkness that I didn’t want to be or experience that has driven me to become the woman I always longed to be.”

Viva vulnerability! 

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