Diary of a podgy poof!

20:40:21 o'clock BST
Feeling Frustrated

Ok, so I said you wouldn't hear from me for a while, but ya just can't imagine how boring it get's in a hotel room while your away.

Get this right? Last week, I was in the Hilton hotel, sorry, but what a rip off. £7.50 for a glass of wine? I mean WTF! That's $15 people, and we're talking Pinot Grigio here, not Moet!

Internet access £15 for 24 hours, not a month, 24 HOURS! You even had to pay £3 a night parking. I was at the end of the freaking M4 in Newport Wales, not bloody Knightsbridge!

This week? A shit hole outside Manchester called Prestwich, with people walking around getting pulled along by pitbulls the size of elephants and where have they put me? In the Premier lodge.

For those of you dear readers who have never graced the lobby of this fine establisment, it's known as the premier dodge, you have to pay up front, in case anyone does a runner.

If you want to spend the night with builders or lorry drivers, this is a dream come true (I love it lolol). The only place to eat is a TGI Friday's. What a dump! I've had to eat here two nights running as I daren't venture further than the car park.

Tonight, I was served by a bird with the biggest tits I have ever seen. Her badge proudly displayed the name, Pat. Trust me, if I was a straight man, I would have been tempted. These things would have made Jordan look like she had two fried eggs on an ironing board!

I realy tried to concentrate on the menu, but I just could'nt take my eyes off those jugs. I was even starting to think I was going straight. Lordy, can you imagine the news papers?

Gay man hipnotised by giant tits, now he can't get enough of em!

Trust me......... That ain't gonna happen ;-) I had to laugh though, for my American readers, the food portions for our main courses look like your appetizers.

Everytime I go to the States, I have just a main, or two starters (apetizers) asI can't manage your portions, but you guys over here? Forget it, you would starve to death. I think we'll all agree something though, TGI's does not represent real food, either American or English.

Oh well, back to dreaming about Pats tits. Lets just hope she's not serving breakfast tomorrow, or I may just be tempted to ask for a squeeze to see if they're real!

 

Love yas........ PP xxxxx

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19:05:41 o'clock BST
Feeling Worried

I have to say goodbye for a while, I’ve tried to keep up with blogs since I have been back but it’s been total chaos since our return.

We’re moving house as you know. It looks like we need vacate our house by Monday and I have a feeling our buyer will pull a fast one, so have not slept a wink since my return from Spain. You know what solicitors are like, so watch this space ok cos it may drag on.

To say I am shitting myself is an understatement and am not licking the old testicals so much at the mo!

I still love married life and still feel 35 ish lolol, but am up to my £$%^&*” eyeballs in boxes as I have been packing every night since we have been home.

 

I go away tomorrow and come back Sunday, then off again Tuesday through Saturday. Thank God it’s a holiday weekend next weekend. Then I am in Belfast for a week, so you can see, no time for blogs.

 

We will be living in a rented apartment for the next 8/10 weeks and am not sure if it’s broadband enabled.  The house should be ready at the end of July…ish. I have to say AOL have been brilliant, they are suspending the payment on our account (remember Americans, it’s a different system here) then they will re en state it at either the flat we are renting or the new house.

As for Sky……….. Well, they can go $£”& themselves. They want £16 a month to keep the account open or we pay double when we move. WELL STICK YOUR SATTELITE DISH UP YER ARSE!!!!

I TOLD Phil, he’d have to open an account with them and pay for it not me. He’ll get all new, for nothing. What a cheek huh?

I will miss you all. I just want to say a few words. For those blogs I have not read, it doesn’t mean I am not thinking about you ok?

Millie, I hope your daughter is doing ok.

MJ, I read your note to me but have not replied, I am sorry, I really hope you’re ok, ok? xxxxx

Cin, Cathy and all of the other people that sent me e cards for my B/day ta ever so…grins

 

Erin and Mary thanks for your cards in the post. Mary, I hope your Dad is doing ok too. xxxxx

Monica, I got your photo's, ta doll!

 

Lyn, ya got me number ok? Ring me when you’re in Blighty ok?

 

Marty, Dawn, D, Indigo, Teresa, Holly, Keep writing, I will have to catch up on my return.

Alison, Phil, Jimmy and Ben keep well.

 

Russ, what can I say? Give a big kiss to lump for me.

Stewie, let Leigh organize the wedding, you can’t get married in a brewery he won't allow it. Tell him Cubby ok?

Tracy, Julie, Susy, Marie I love ya girls.

 

CHRISTOPHER, GO TO NY, DO IT, JUST GO MATE! You'll regret it all your life

 

My brains so fried I can't remeber everyones names but only their blog names. I love you too!!!!

The list goes on and on………. Why have I got a tear in my eye? Cos I’ll miss ya all.

Pics on my return, loads of em ok?

 

Love ya……… PP xxxxxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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22:39:56 o'clock BST

Well, Hellooooooooo,

I need a holiday as I feel like I’ve been on club 18-30 for 10 days. Talk about party every night……….. We both came back shattered.  

  

 

From day one when we were over in Spain, we had a full house and had rented another too.

Every night, for 10 days we were out and partying…. We are both knackered on fine wine, fine food and lots of farting!

 

On the Saturday we had 30 people over for a BBQ and the best thing was that I didn’t have to do anything except make some shish kebabs in the morning…. Total joy.

As usual, still no photo’s I’ll sort some out for ya…. Promise.

 

Anyway, bring good tidings, but am worried if I mention it, I’ll will cock it up.

WE SOLD OUR HOUSE WHILE WE WERE ON HOLIDAY!!!!!

Yup, I am so pleased, the guy that was interested in it before, is back on the scene.

Sod’s law, now I’ve mentioned it, it’ll go tits up.

 

The only thing is, we have to move into a rented apartment for 8/10 weeks till our house is ready and have to put EVERYTHING, in storage. I have spent all day packing today as I’m away from Thursday, till Monday, then away for another week and then to Belfast after that.

When exactly, I’ll move is anyone’s guess!

Oh well, it’s all worth it as we can reach our dream even sooner.

 

I want to thanks everyone who sent me an e card for my birthday and everyone who sent me a card at home too. You know who ya are.

I’m still licking those testicles too, I LOVE MARRIED LIFE!

 

Love yas……….. PP xxxxxx

  

 

 

 

 

 

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20:22:35 o'clock BST
Feeling Chillin'

Well, still no photo’s, but to be fair, our mate who took them went straight back to landscaping his garden, so hasn’t had time to down load and edit them.  

       

 

So we're packed, and I am sitting here with a nice cold glass of chardonnay. I was up at 4.30 am for work today and Monday.  I’m a little fazed, I feel like I’ve got jet lag.

 

We are off flying at 6 am, off to very sunny Spain and we have rented a house up the road to accommodate shifts of our friends to come and celebrate my birthday over a 3 day period…………Love it! I’ve been told, 50 is the new 30, so I’ll let ya know ok?

People, by the time we get back, there will be wedding photo’s and of the birthday bash too.

  

 

I’ve had e mails galore asking ‘how’s married life?’ Well let me tell ya……….. I’m still licking those testicles!!!

 

Now after giving you that thought, I just wanna say, I will try and read a few blogs tonight ok?

 

Love ya……….. PP xxxxxxx  

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20:52:02 o'clock GMT
Feeling Mischievous

Hello Groovers,  I’m alone tonight for my first night in over a week. Phil has now returned to work.

I have no pictures yet, no comments, but I have just mixed the best sounds I have ever done in my life. I’ve done them for my 50th birthday for April 10th and I am now going to transfer  House party disco mix and people, let me tell ya ‘IT’S STOMPIN’, onto my new black 160g ipod.

 

I have a huge shit eating grin on my face, I feel like a dog who’s just licked his testicles after a shag with the local poodle.  

 

I LOVE MARRIED LIFE………………. PP xxxxx

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14:50:29 o'clock GMT
Feeling Quiet

Hello Peeps,

Today I had a mole removed. I went to the see the specialist last week and this morning I was in surgery for 45 minutes.

I was greeted by a a jolly Nigerian nurse called Hyacinth. Yup I kid you not! She had the biggest smile I have ever seen and her laugh was so infectious.

I filled in the forms and when it came to next of kin I put Phils name. As she was filling her part in, I noticed she put Phil in, as Phillis. I nearly pissed myself. She then turned to me and said.

' You know Gari, if theh wus effa a nem I wanted to be culled it was Phillis. Luveley name, I bet shis pritty too huh?'

Well that was me off. I didn't have the heart to ruin her dream and tell her 'she' was a 16 stone geezer with a number two crop. I thinked she would have had appaplexy! Oh and by the way Hyacinth, she's becoming my husband on Thursday LOLOLOL.

Anyway. After that, I was in surgery for 45 minutes and I now have a one inch scar on my shoulder blade, NICEEEE! The anaesthetic is just wearing out now. ARGHHHHHH.

As I was laying on the table in surgery and couldn't work out why I was stripped to my undies and socks in a theatre gown, when all I was having was a dodgy mole removed from my shoulder. The surgeon appeared, and looked like he was flying to the frigging moon with this mask on and his face and his head shrouded in a some blue thing. He looked like a dodgy drag queen wearing a burka! He snapped those rubber gloves and my heart skipped a beat as I thought oh no, not an internal in front of these nurses! ;-)

I've been told not to lift a thing. Not even the iron, so those wedding shirts are gonna look like we've been dragged through a hedge backwards! I've also got to avoid driving. So I don't know what to do about my 250 mile round trip to Leeds tomorrow to meet my new boss.

Oh well, such is life! Phil has been wonderful, I had  brunch made for me and he then did me some chicken soup. I didn't have the heart to tell him I was still full, so now I feel sick too. He's now force fed me a custard tart. What evers coming next?(no such luck)

Oh well, off to Costco to buy some champagne for Thursday before I start screaming the house down in agony.

Love yas

PP xxxxxxxx

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08:52:31 o'clock GMT
Feeling Happy

Morning Groovers!

There are two questions I’ve been asked recently and thought I could answer them here as so many people have asked me.

1, Do I feel any different?

 

Well, yes, I do. For some reason ever since the ‘proposal’ I feel like we are more of a team, a couple. Ok, so yeah, we’ve been together for so long it’s hard to remember that time before we lived together but I can honestly say with my hand on my heart, I would not want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else.

 

Since we’ve been together, I have always thought of Phil as my protector, the one that looks after me. Weird I know, but we have spoken about this before and he see’s him self that way too. I now feel the same. I would kill for him like a mother would kill to protect their child.

He’s warm, sensitive and makes me laugh my head off, even after all this time. He’s very tactile and we, unlike a lot of people I know, sleep wrapped around each other all night.

 

A friend of mine said the other day, ‘what do you talk about when you go out for dinner?’ Well everything. We also giggle at those couple’s who just sit and stare into space and shift about uncomfortably in their chairs, you’ve seen em haven’t ya?

It turns out my friend is one of those, POOR COW! LOLOL.

 

2, Will we post photo’s?

 

Yes, I will, but it is a very quiet affair. There will be six of us. My brother, his wife and their two children. Oh and us of course!

 

Both girls will be doing readings I will also post them with the photo’s.

Well that’s the questions answered.

 

Yesterday, I bought the shirts and ties. Both of us in Navy suits with crisp white cotton shirts and Navy ties with White red, green and orange stripes. Very now you know!

The button holes (flowers) are white too.

 

Onto more pressing issues. AOHELL went tits up on me last night AGAIN. They are migrating over to their own telephone lines. I think AOL works differently here to in the States as we get our phone service from them too.

The only good thing is from the 7th April I can phone 36 countries and all UK numbers for free on my call plan which is £5.99 a month!

 

I want to apologise to all of you who’s blogs I have’nt got around to reading yet. I try and do block readings, as some of you will know.

Indigo I haven’t forgoton you, your entries are all waiting to be read, and Marc, I will get to you too. Jimmy, I know you haven’t posted too many blogs recently and WE WANT CIN BACK! Please start writing Cin.

Lyn’s been low, because of the lurgy. I could go on but I do try to read them all.

 

Lastly. Thank you ALL so much for your comments on my shower page, even the one about us Brits all being permanently drunk. It’s St Patrick’s day, tomorrow, so lets see if that’s true.

 

Keep well and I will try and post again before the big day. One more thing, I keep getting comments about some guest editor thingy, what's that all about?

 

PP xxxxx

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09:40:44 o'clock GMT
Feeling Anxious

Did I tell ya I got myself a lap top? Well I did. Last month was bonus month, so it was a little treat to myself. I can now sit anywhere in my home and tip tap away to my hearts content! I'm at my dining table as I type.

This entry isn't coming from my normal chirpy self.  It's coming from the side that does'nt often show it's face, but it's there, niggling away in the back ground all the time. This is why I'm so emotional, I think.

Let me tell you where I am at the moment.

1, Getting married, or the technical term, having a civil partership.

I am elated, truly elated at the moment. Yesterday, I went to collect the rings and was shaking in the shop as it dawned on me what was happening. I just wanted to throw up all over the poor sales assistant, I mean, can you imagine if I had? LOL.

2, Work has been shitty, but it's sorting itself out slowly, but I feel I need to cut back on the early starts cos belieive me, it's slowly killing me.

3, Next month is my 50th birthday (gulps) I mean fkin 50? I still feel like 25 in my head.

I got such a shock when I was in Belfast last week as I caught sight of myself in my underpants and socks in the mirror and stood up and screamed out as though there was a stranger in my room. Was that realy me in the mirror? Yeah......... What a fkin mess!

4, We are looking to our long term future and I am house hunting AGAIN! I ain't saying too much but I think we have found what we are looking for. Our mortage will be cut in half and we can pay it off in 6 years, if we keep our payments the same. This will then enable us to rent out our property and we can piss off to Spain and have a good income. I just hope the mans figures are right as I am shit at all that stuff. I'm just creative dahlinks!

5, I've been to have some moles checked out and was told to see a specialist immediatly. I had a dodgy one removed about 15 years ago, when no one worried about them then and have the scar to prove it. It's the size of an orange in the middle of my back! The nurse checking them out said to me that I obviously never went to a plastic surgeon. Well I did, but that darn thing had spread right into my muscle hence the scar......... Yeah, I am worried as I don't want to go through all that crap again. My appointment is next Wednesday.

Anyways........ I feel sorry for myself. Things are happening to my body that I presume is just because I am hitting 50. Everything, EVERYTHING, is heading south. I've even got tits, I mean WTF?

I was caught at Belfast airport looking at the anti wrinkle cream by L'Oreal for men, cos I'm woth it ya know?

Sod the anti wrinkle cream. I need an extreme makeover!

Enjoy your Sunday.

PP xxxxx

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19:15:19 o'clock GMT
Feeling Ecstatic

I am very emotional this week, to say I am tired, is an understatement. I was up at 4.30 this morning to get to Leeds. Still, cant grumble, I did get to leave at a decent time.

Why is it, just the sight of a puppy dog or baby, makes me want to blubber?

OMG, is it because I am turning into an old Queen, my biological clock is kicking in? Do I want to have children?……. It’s a bit late now at 50. Well April 10th, the big 50 day.

 

Everything else seems to be happening at the mo and of course, I’M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!! GO GAZZA, GO GAZZA. I am busting inside. We may have some other news soon too, and no, I am not pregnant!

 

Since I have been blogging, I have chatted, aimed, e mailed and made some awesome friends. Ok, so we ain’t met (yet), some of us never will. It don’t mean to say we can’t still be mates on here though does it?

 

Two things have happened this week, a guy called Marc, who’s blog I have not read for a few entries (got em saved though) sent me a pic of me and the man with hot bods., He super imposed us onto these hunky hersuit  bodies, I won’t put it on here cos last time I did it with a hairy bollock in an egg cup for Easter, photo bucket banned it!

Those who want to see it, mail me………. LOVE IT! If only my bum was that good!

He has a wicked site, where for a small fee will super impose any photo of you on famous art. (Marc, send me the link and I’ll post here if you like?)

Secondly, the lovely Cin and Ms Holly have done a wedding shower blog for me.

I bust when I saw it, I mean for moi?

 

Check it out and leave a comment or entry if you wish. 

Orgazmicblissaweddingshower

I also want to say thanks for the numerous e cards and real cards that have landed on my matt.

Not many days to go now then……….A slimmer PP xxxxxxxx

 

 

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19:58:26 o'clock GMT
Feeling Chillin'

I was up at 3.45am on Monday morning for work. I drove for two and a half hours to get there and didn't get home till 8.30pm! I foolishly went out to dinner to relax. The man said to me today, it'll be good to go out with our friends on Sunday for lunch. I don't even remember the conversation, I was so tired. You know what though?

ON THE MARCH 20TH AT 11.30 AM I AM MARRYING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!! YIPPEEEEEEE.  

 I'M SO EXCITED, AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT, I DON'T WANNA LOOSE CONTROL COZ I THINK I'LL LIKE IT .... OH YEAH!  LOLOLOL

John Lewis vouchers gladly accepted for the wedding shower.

Have a great week all you luverly people in J land

Love yas, PP xxxx

PS, I am trying to get through your blogs, but am now in Belfast till Thursday night.

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