The Life & Times of an Essex Girl

Hello everyone J

Hope you’re all well and happy and not getting too done in with all the festive preparations J

Anyway bad news and more bad news about my foot! I went back to the hospital on Tuesday and the first bit of bad news is that it’s NOT broken!!!! I couldn’t believe that was bad news but apparently, according to the Doc, it would have been MUCH better if I had of broke it!!! How d’ya work that out? I cry, gob smacked for once!! What I’ve done is far worse, says he…..the tissues at the top of my foot are torn in half “like a piece of paper”. Great. Not. I immediately came over sweating hot and felt sick. So, to cut a long story short, I’m back in plaster ~ a slightly lighter one ~ for another FIVE weeks!!! Not good news. I’ve been told no Romford, no Lakeside, basically no shopping and NO walking on it. I miss work, I miss going out when I want, and I miss shopping!! I’m even missing the bloody housework! Poor old Mart and Kaylee have got to do all the Christmas shopping, because, as usual I haven’t got anything yet J Oh well, there are people far worse off than I, but NO shopping, that’s not good!

I’m still doing the cooking even though I’m not supposed to. I’m incredibly selfish with my kitchen and it irritates the life out of me watching anyone else cooking in it. I have to keep sitting down though, so it takes forever to get dinner ready, but I’d go completely mad if I couldn’t at least do a meal every night!

Thanks for all your advice on using my crutches. I’d like to be able to report that I’m getting on fine with them. But I’m not. As you know I’m not easily defeated but I had a hissy fit the other day and slung one up the hallway. Narrowly missing Mart’s wonderful display of my Christmas treasures on the hall sideboard J I must grow up and get over myself and keep practising!

I’ve put some various photo’s on today. A right hotch potch and in no particular order ~ hope you enjoy! I’ve got so much time on my hands I thought you might like to see them! To be honest I didn't realise how many I had that you haven't seen! I’ll be back soon, in the mean time, take care all of you!

Lotsa Love

~xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx~

Hi ya all J

Thought I’d drop in and say hello ~ it’s already been over a month since my last entry!!!!!!!! I just don’t know where the time goes ~ definitely MUCH quicker the older you get J

I hope you’re all well and happy and getting in the Christmas spirit!! Mart put our tree up today, it looks great as usual, the perfectionist he is J Sadly I wasn’t much use ~ I’ve gone and broken my foot and I’m in plaster from toes to knee ~ it’s driving me absolutely NUTS ~ I’m a terrible patient, bored to death sitting around all day not being able to do anything grrrrrr!!!!! And it bloody hurts!!!!! I was at my work’s Christmas do last Saturday and tripped over coming out the restaurant ~ and NO I wasn’t drunk lol!! I thought I’d just twisted or sprained it but after 8 ½ hours up our local, new “state of the art” hospital ~ on quite possibly the busiest night EVER , I was shocked to see the x~rays and a bone floating about at the top of my left foot ~ lovely J Anyway I’ve got to go back on Tuesday and they’ll x~ray it again to see how it’s coming along. In the meantime I’m reading til my eyes are nearly falling out my head and going slowly insane with daytime tv ~ and that includes a trillion or so equally mind numbing sky channels. Even the cats are fed up listening to me moaning J Mind you there are some advantages ~ no cooking, cleaning, hoovering, washing, ironing, shopping or getting up at 4.30am for work J J J Mart and the girls CAN’T WAIT for me to get better!!!!

Talking of the girls, bless ‘em, they’ve been great ~ just shows they can do it when they have to!! Seriously they are fine, doing well, happy and healthy and with Christmas lists longer than the River Thames J

Ok I’m off now. I have to practice using the crutches the hospital have loaned me. I have never in my entire life had such trouble coming to grips with something that’s meant to help you. I’m absolutely hopeless on them and have already fallen over once trying to conquer them. I can’t get my balance for love nor money and I’ve got aching muscles that I never even knew I had!!!!!! And you should see me getting up and down the stairs ~ my poor bum is nearly as sore as my foot!!!!!!!! It doesn’t help that my feeble efforts reduce everyone else to fits of laughter J Of course they’re all experts and keep showing me how it should be done ~ let’s just hope none of them ever need them he he!

Anyway, you all take care, especially staying upright after your Christmas do’s and I’ll write again soon. Hopefully sooner rather than later, especially if I’m off work much longer J

Bye for now, lotsa love as always, Debbie ~xxxx~

Helllloooo everyone J Sorry I’ve been away so long and THANK YOU to all my friends who’ve emailed or left “missing you” comments ~ much love to you and sooo appreciated too J

It’s been hectic to say the least so this will be an hodge podge of an entry updating you on all the news here in this mad crazy Essex nut house of mine!! J

First of all, hope you all like the Christmas/New Year photo’s! As I hope you can see I’ve put on some weight ~ had various blood tests done in December ~ a couple came back a bit dodgy but on the whole I’m ok. I did find out though, through a trip to the opticians that I have cataracts in both eyes….not great news ~ I’ll need operations ~ and worst of all, even though I hate driving ~ I now can’t drive at all ~ more a pain in the bum than anything else! But hey-ho it could be a whole lot worse!!

Great news re Kelsey’s lump ~ absolutely nothing to worry about ~ just general lumps and bumps and hormonal womanly type crap we have to deal with! The relief was unreal let me tell you!!!

Still waiting to hear about Kaylee’s op ~ she has an appointment on 1st Feb ~ so will keep you informed.

Dad also has two eye appointments ~ 22nd and 24th Jan at two different eye hospitals ~ they will tell him then if they can operate and restore his sight ~ fingers crossed please my friends J

Mart is fine, bless him, putting up with everything going on around him with no complaints at all. And trust me, at times, I can moan and whinge for England!!!!

We have lodgers at the moment!! As if I don’t have enough on my plate, Mart’s friend at work, and his girlfriend (who are both Lithuanian sp???), are waiting for the sale to complete on a property they have bought. In the meantime they didn’t have anywhere to go! So….me being me, said “no worries“, they can come here!!! OMG I can’t get in my spare room (where I keep all my going out clothes and, more importantly, my shoes!!!!!), I can’t get to my washing machine ~ she seems to have LOADS, and I’m feeding them too!!!!! I’m worn out but happy, I’m doing them a turn, and it’s always nice to help people out. Plus of course ~ I’m not completely daft ~ they’re paying us and we’ve booked this year’s holiday with the money already! Going back to Rhodes (same place as last year) but great news ~ Julie, Howard and Charlie are coming too!!! Should be great fun ~ me and Julie haven’t been away together since we were 16 ~ and I’m not even going there ~ it was a mad, crazy time!!!! Of course we are older, wiser and MUCH more sensible now so we’ll have heaps of fun I’m sure!! A bit of a wait though, we’re not going til 22nd August, but will be well worth it I know J

As I think I mentioned before, Mart’s boys came down on the 27th December and stayed with us til New Year’s Day! I also had Kelsey’s best mate Claire staying and Kaylee’s best mate, Lucy!!! So seven kids for me to look after and cook for ~ pretty manic for me but WELL worth it to see such happy kids, having such a wonderful time!!! The boys are struggling a bit, but doing ok, all things considered. Don’t get me wrong I still miss Julie, but I’m not having such awful morbid thoughts about her anymore. Just missing her. But I tried to make it a happy, memorable time for them and we played cards and games, ate loads, drunk more and partied New Year’s Eve like you wouldn’t believe ~ they enjoyed themselves, which was what I wanted but it was horrible when they went home. We’ll see them February for Tom’s 18th, and of course, we speak to them regularly on the phone. They know that I love them, that I’m here for them and that I will do anything I can for them.

Anyway tomorrow will be one year journaling for me ~ I know just lately I haven’t been too good at updating and reading, but life’s sometimes a bit mad here, but I still love it, still want to do it and I know I have good friends out there who’ll be there no matter what ~ that’s what makes it all worthwhile for me ~ the wonderful friends I’ve made in all of you J

So, on that note, I have to go ~ cooking for us and our lodgers ~ a good old traditional Sunday roast ~ and my chicken will wait for no man (or Essex Girl) so I’ll say goodbye til next time

And, as ever, MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi everyone J I’ve been away far longer than I intended too, but it’s just been so hectic. As you know I’m back at work, it’s mad there ~ we do a Christmas Dinner and you wouldn’t believe the amount of men who don’t eat Brussels!!!!!!! I said we shouldn’t have them on the menu ~ it’s mostly men who come in as you know and we’re inundated with left over Brussels! J Oh well, I’m full of them (and wind, I might add J ) I’ll eat anything ~ even if it is a struggle just now J

The girls are ok, I’m still waiting to hear about Kaylee’s appointment ~ you have to wait ages here, and they know it’s urgent but I just have to be patient. Kels still has her lump ~ they are doing a biopsy in January ~ I am absolutely dreading it ~ she’s coping ok with it ~ the gift of youth eh? She’s settled down too ~ at her dad’s ~ but she’s been over lots, which has been great fun and it certainly takes it off a bit for me.

We have our decorations up ~ Mart is a perfectionist and the place looks great ~ lights everywhere, garlands, two trees, sweets, biscuits ~ everything to get us in the Christmas spirit.

I’d like to tell you I’m coping ok with Julie’s death, but I’m not really. I can’t get some really awful thoughts about it out of my head ~ I’m really trying, but they won’t go away no matter what. Ah well, time is a great healer I’ve been told, and I know that really. And while I don’t want to wish my own life away I wish time would march on a bit so I could think about some other stuff some of the time. I’m considering going to the docs ~ my weight is ok ~ I’m forcing myself to eat (something other than bloody Brussels) but deep down inside I know I’m not ok really.

Good news about Dad ~ he is on steroid drops ~ on the hour, every hour, for the next two months and there is a very small chance that after this they may be able to operate again ~ and he might regain his sight in that eye ~ everything crossed please, wouldn’t that be great!

We dohave a fantastic night out coming up ~ Saturday 16th December. There are a group of 8 of us (from Mart’s work) going to a Portuguese restaurant and then on to a casino! I have never been to one before, but have always wanted to go, so I’ve bought a new outfit (that cheered me up a bit) and I am really looking forward to it. I will take pics for you to see, and do an entry all about it.

Thank you to all of you who have emailed me, or left lovely comments, asking about me ~ I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know ~ it really does help, thank you J

I’m sorry though, if I’ve upset any of you, if I can’t get to your journals, it’s a difficult time I’m having just now, I really hope you can understand. I do think of all you, often, but would hate to think I’ve hurt or upset any of you.

Anyway, that’s me just now, this Essex Girl is going to leave you with a funny ~ just to let you know I haven’t lost it completely !!!!! J J J

Bye for now

Love & Hugs Always

Debbie

~xxxxx~

J

Hello my friends. I went back to work today. I was hugged, cuddled and welcomed back with open arms. And I cried buckets. For all the lovely kind people that were so sorry, but so pleased to see me. It was lovely and it was horrible, if you can understand ~ I think you will. You should see how builders react to a woman crying ~ it would make your heart sing. Your comments have been balm to my soul, they have definitely helped me, whether it be to cry or smile, to know you’re there is wonderful, marvellous and comforting, and I love you all, and thank you all, from the bottom of my somewhat dodgy heart. I’ve got round to a few of your journals, I’ll get to you all in time, I promise.

Anyway I wrote to Michael today, and sent him a fun package ~ I’m sharing the letter with you ~ in a way it’s so you can tell me I’m doing the right thing? Mart and Kaylee think so, I hope you do too?

Fluffy, Baggy & Thumper are Michael’s hamster, cat and rabbit respectively. They are very important to him and I want him to know I care about them too. Star Wars is a game I bought him for his Playstation last week.

Ok, I’m off to do dinner now, life goes on, I must eat even though I’m not hungry. I’m losing too much weight which is yet another worry. I’m going to work in the morning but will leave early to come home and get ready for Auntie Jeanne’s funeral (which is at 2 o/c). Mart has polished my bangle up beautiful. It is engraved “Deborah Ann, 19th September 1965” which is the day I was Christened. I shall wear it with pride tomorrow.

HUGS

Love Always

Debbie

~xxxxxx~

Thank you Donna for the beautiful graphic

Hello my friends. I’ve used this graphic lots of times before, it’s one of my many favourites, but the words on it are so important. Life’s so short sometimes, you never know what’s round the corner. Believe me I know it’s not always possible to live by these words alone, but this last fortnight I’ve realised how very precious every day is. My life hasn’t always been easy, as I know a lot of yours haven’t either, but I’m still here, I still have my loved ones around me, I have every opportunity to live, love and laugh everyday. I know that motto isn’t going to happen overnight, it was heartbreaking leaving the boys, it still hasn’t sunk in, that their mum is never coming back, and somehow they, and Julie’s parents and sister, her many friends and relatives have to find the courage to carry on, keep going, and live, love and laugh again. Thank you all so much for your comments. When I was in the church, listening very hard to the Vicar, I was also thinking of you all, your lives, how you’ve touched mine, and your words of comfort and kindness. It all helped give me the strength to get Mart through this day that was so hard for him, it helped give me the courage to say comforting words to his sons and Julie’s family. I’m so worried how I can be there for his boys, they are so far away. I know I can phone them, email and text them, but it won’t ever be the same for them again. I hope what I can do for them will be enough. They know I love them, I’ve always told them that, especially last week but it doesn’t feel enough, it feels so inadequate.

On another note, news about my dad, he is doing well although he has been told his sight will not be restored in that eye. But in the scheme of things, to me anyway, it’s still good news. He’s still here. Sadly Auntie Jeanne is not and she is to be laid to rest on Tuesday, so that’s where I’ll be Tuesday afternoon with my mum and dad. Auntie Jeanne was my Godmother and I still have the bangle she gave me on my Christening Day (and it still fits!). That always made her laugh and I’ll be wearing it Tuesday.

Some quick news about the girls and not all good I’m afraid. Shortly before Julie died Kelsey had a lumpcome up on her breast. We went to the doctor who assures us it’s nothing and has given her a month’s supply of tablets to take. We have to go back after that to see how it is. So far it’s still the same, it hasn’t gone down at all. How can it just be nothing??? I’m worried sick. And now Kaylee. She has been to the clinic while I was away. Her hearing has gone down another 7%. She’s to have another operation, probably within the next couple of months, so they can have a better look and give her ears a good clean out. Kaylee as always, bless her, has taken it all in her stride. I, on the other hand, feel absolutely awful that I couldn’t be at the clinic with her. I was at the funeral 300 miles away.

Some days I feel like I’m drowning in all this upset and worry and just want to be “normal” again. I can’t believe so much has happened in such a short space of time. Just a couple of months ago, I was going here, there and everywhere, everyone was well and happy, healthy, all with so much to look forward to. I so don’t want to get depressed (I’ve had it before) but I do feel a bit desperate at the moment.

Anyway I don’t want everyone else getting depressed and desperate, you’ve all been wonderful. So, many congratulations to the winners of the VIVI's ~ very well done. And also many thanks to Jackie and Chris, and all the other helpers ~ for all their hard work. I’m going to try really hard to get round to visiting you all, but I still have a lot to sort out, but I’ll do my absolute best ok.

Take care all of you

Live, Love & Laugh as MUCH as possible

Love & Hugs

~XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX~

Many thanks to JillMarie and Donna for my lovely tags

Hello everyone J I’m so sorry I haven’t been around much lately. It’s been hectic to say the least and I hope you can all understand.

I’m having a bit of a stressful time just now. Kelsey is at her dad’s at the moment, she was going off the rails a bit and I’m too soft with her. Her dad seems to be the only one to sort her out, which makes me feel a bit of a failure as a mum, I can tell you. I miss her so much it hurts. I miss her crazy ways, her laughter, our chats and cuddles……everything, and I’m finding it hard to deal with. It’s just not the same.

Kaylee is just about ok, missing Kels obviously, even though half the time they fight like cat and dog, I know they love each other really. One of her little friends (Kaylee’s) is having a terrible time at the moment. He’s only 12 and he tried to commit suicide last Saturday. In a truly awful way too, he tried to drown himself in a river. This obviously has upset Kaylee no end, and me too, and the poor kid, who’s mum is very, very ill, is beside himself. I don’t know what to do for the best on that one, I can hardly think straight.

And now, to top it all, my dad has to go in hospital tomorrow for an operation on his eye. For those of you that know me well, know how VERY close I am to my dad. I’m really worried about him. He’s had this eye infection for five months, and various doctors, drops, medication hasn’t sorted it out. So, this morning he took himself to the emergency eye clinic and they phoned Moorfields straightaway and got him booked in for 9 o/c tomorrow morning. Hopefully it’ll only be a day job, but they’ve told him to take the appropriate stuff just in case he has to stay in. He has a stitch, from a repaired detached retina 18 years ago, stuck between two layers in the back of his eye. Please, please say prayers for him, I’m really anxious and worried and I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over.

Which brings me onto Mart. God bless him too as it’s his birthday tomorrow and I really wanted a happy, jolly day for him. We’re supposed to be having a party Saturday night and I’m hoping and praying my dad will be able to come, even if only for an hour. I’m cooking a special meal for Mart tomorrow night but if my dad is still in the hospital I’ll want to go see him, of course, so everything crossed that dad comes home and Mart has a happy birthday. I promise to keep you posted about my dad, and everything else. I miss you all, but I just can’t cope with much at the moment, I’m sorry, but I’m thinking of you all, all the time.

Hugs & Love

Always

~XXXXXXX~

Many thanks to Roxy & Missie for my tags J