Why Me?

I've done a spot of decorating by papering over the cracks........it'll do for now!

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:35:37 GMT

Well, here I am perched in front of an old friend, and it's as though I've never been away, no awkward pauses or staring at the ceiling, or nervous smiles. Let the verbal diarrhoea commence..............

My quiet year that I had been planning for, has been shelved, along with running off with a millionaire and becoming the next best thing since Elvis! Did I say shelved I mean burried - in concrete! Anyway, Yes it's been tough, but I'm healing and have found that by creating myself even more stress, that I deal with things alot better, although my body may disagree! I did the one thing that rides on the top of the list of top stressful things. I moved house! I am finally free from the neighbours from hell, the electric guitar and accoustic drums were just too much (and a list of other niggly issues which are just too long and frustrating to mention - besides it is (skippy'd do dah) history!).

We handed over the deposit and moved in within 28 days! Oh and had a fortnights holiday in between! Did I ever boringly mention how irritatingly organised I am - NO? Are you sure? (No need to be polite! - I know it pisses people off) - I smile smuggly! Anyway - If you know me well, you know moving house is a hobbie for me, it's the new wardrobe syndrome on a huge scale. It's theraputic and cleansing. You don't realise how much crap you keep 'just in case'. Take the garage for instance - there were tons of wierd stuff from god knows where - bits of pipe and odd attachments that now have no logic or reason - so why were they even kept? Before you scold me for moving house in (yes I'm going to say that cheesy current 'in' phrase) a credit crunch, I got a good (excellent) deal and I'm as pleased as punch. (What a wierd phrase - mental note to google).

What else have I been upto?.....(taps chin and thinks). Work is going ok - off to pastures new soon. I think this is a long overdue move as I've been with my current team for over two and a half years and had 4 bosses (oops should rephrase that!). What scares the hell out of me - is I have no plans to leave (unless some stomping diva moment occurs again) but do I really see myself there until I collect my pension - another 32 years???????????????? (I feel slightly ill at the prospect). I read a line in a Sophie Kinsella book today - which made me chuckle, as I guess most people have this secret thought (me included!!) ''I've always had this deep down conviction that I'm not like everybody else, and there's an amazingly exciting new life waiting for me just around the corner''. I also read far too much chic lit! - lol. Ask yourself the same question - I bet you too think there is something else around the corner? Anyway back on track - new job should be good challenge - will let you know....

My birthday came and went with out too much drama (except a huge row over flat pack furniture - charming). Again those that know me well, know I go under lock and key for that one day a year. Even wierder this year, not having a card from Mum. I woke on the morning feeling ok about the day - thinking I could get through it. Then 10 minutes later I opened my cards and promptly burst in to continuous eye leak for the rest of the day. My sisters card was so lovely I sobbed (and sobbed and sobbed) - then ended the day putting up flat pack furniture with no instructions and him indoors (not the most romantic of combinations). Still it's over for another year!

Something to look forward to - I'm off to see Madge at Wembley in September. Been my idol for many many many years - all thanks to my sister making me write down the lyrics to Holiday (when I was alot lot younger!) so we could sing along to them on our 'record player' !! Me and (older) Sis were so cool back then in our Ra Ra skirts and cheap make up off the market - oh yeah! Strangely she never remained a fan!

Dribble over for now - don't want to over kill! Feeling a little more human again.

Hugs and Kisses

Chrissy x

Intervention needed

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 20:16:54 GMT

Considering the year I've had so far, you'd think I'd be in for a period of quiet and nothingness (if there is such a word - can't be bothered to investigate). Well, no such joy.

Sunday - after a mamouth-ly long day, (a) as clocks went forward, which meant technically instead of getting up at 5am, I was in actual fact getting up at 4am (Insanity, for voluntary work shift - and on flat rate!!!). (b) I worked through till 4 pm but didn't get home till nearly 9pm. Just as I was packing up to leave - my mobile goes. Eldest boy had been playing football and fell and hurt his arm. Hubby taking him to Hospital to check it out.

Not being the kind of mother who could simply go home and wait for them to return, I followed on to meet them. Got there, and they had been waiting for over an hour at this point (not because I'm some slow sunday driver, but I had to cross county to get there). Sent hubby and youngest home, as the A&E dept for a 6 year old is no playground - Plus hubby had said that, my boy had been shouting very loudly about the hideous smell which was lingering - which turned out to be the family sat directly behind us (mmmmmm nice!!!! picture Hyacinth Buckets sister and Onslo and you won't be far off the image we saw, only dirtier) and he had also been asking very loudly about the man sat in just his pants! - sharp exit required!!!

So..... taking over the waiting reigns - we sat for another 2 and a half hours watching more and more people cram themselves into the waiting area, adding to the body heat and increasing the odour factor!! And watching the expressionless woman behind the counter, increase the sign for estimated waiting time to 4 hours!! My lad was extremely brave, sat in his football kit, caked in dried mud, with a bandage applied by a 'first aider' - which was so tight it was cutting off his circulation. He said he couldn't feel any pain, probably because his arm was nearly dead!.

We finally get the call and go through to what you would expect - see nurse, go to X-ray and return. Although on return to the dept, we got sent to a new waiting room. On this basis we assumed he was going to be ok. Guess what?? We had to wait and wait some more, just short of 45 mins!!! Until, by pure chance, the nurse who sent us to X-ray walked past and said - oh I didn't know you were back. She went away to see Doctor and returned and said 'want to see your pictures?' - Well would you say no??, so we followed. We walked into a side room and directly in front of me on the desk was a computer screen with an X-ray image of his arm. I didn't need a Doctor to tell me it was broken. A very clear lump and jaged line showed straight through his bone - ouch. I can't believe that even my son thought it was only just going to be sprained.

He is devastated - He broke the same arm 3 years ago (.....AT SCHOOL - before you report me to child welfare!!!) so he knew what was ahead. Last time he was in cast for 4 weeks. This time it's going to be for 6! So no football, no clarinet, no putting on your socks (for a week or so), no DS, no cutting up dinner - even had to buy new jogging bottoms so he can pull his trousers up easily. Also major blow for him - he's got to drop out of the school french trip, even though it's the week after his cast is due off, it's going to be an activities week - OH HAPPY DAYS. Sod's Law is still cursing me and the family!!!

Must tell you another story about my youngest, which happened a few weeks ago. I had just picked him up from school and we went to wait for his brother at the bus stop. This is our usual time to de-brief the type of day we've had. I usually lie and say I've had a very hard day cleaning, shopping, working etc when I've usually been catching up with friends, shopping (female variety, not food). He tells me about he's been playing and who's been naughty and how many tokens he got for sitting smartly etc. After this his bottom lip began to quiver and I said 'what's wrong' - he replied 'Isn't it terrible what's going on in Tibet' (remember he's only 6!!) 'I saw lots of people crying and cars being pushed over - that's not nice is it mummy?'. I melted and felt guilt for letting him see the news, thinking he doesn't really pay that much attention!! How wrong am I.

Well.......to draw to a close, I'm feeling brighter, still confused and at times wiery but I'm well aware that life does indeed go on. My children remind me daily.

Love as always C - x

Simply - MUM

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 16:49:53 GMT

(My Mum with my niece and nephew - just after she was diagnosed - summer 07)

I’ve written very little about my mum on my blog, as she used to read every word I wrote. I find the blog a frustrating medium at times, as it’s so public and somewhat sensors me to write what’s going on in my life.

(Mum in between me on the right and my sister on the left)

However, last Sunday (24th) my mum lost her battle with lung cancer. Aged only 57. More sudden than any of us could have anticipated. I have never seen any one deteriorate so quickly, especially when we were all under the impression that she was going to be one of the lucky ones. Yet she was in some ways even more beautiful towards the end, despite her lack of hair and changes that had occurred she still managed to shine through and smile. I admire her courage and bravery.

(My wedding day)

I did manage to get to spend some time with her on the Saturday before she passed away, along with my children – moments which I will cherish forever, along with many other memories. When we arrived she was lying in bed but held on to me and said she was sorry, as did I (our relationship has been turbulent over the years).

(Mum just after xmas - 07)

They say people know when their time has come, and I believe she did too. She told us she had been hanging on to see us – it was the first time in over 12 years that myself, my sister, my brother and my aunt were altogether by mum’s side. It often takes tragedy to bring people together.

I miss her terribly and loved her dearly and always will.

My Mum – x x x

https://donateinmemory.cancerresearchuk.org/(zygffk45wm121cvplu30s1ez)/DesktopDefault.aspx?tid=2&iid=3194

The truth behind the mask

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 21:58:17 GMT

Well, I'm still on the tracks of the grief train. Appears to be a slow service from Scotland to Devon - Via Australia! Totally alien to me - but I'm informed everything I'm experiencing is 'Normal'. Now, anyone that knows me well - knows 'normal' simply isn't normal (make sense??).

Still doesn't feel real and I still have a shed load of unanswered questions - which I guess will have to remain there and collect dust. As I can't see me having a clear out without help - cause I don't know the best order to hang hoes and shovels. I find myself holding it together for everyone else, but have the lack of ability of dealing with my own issues and would rather shelve them to help others (also known as denial). But I am dealing with that (I promise) before the white coat brigade appear at my door. It is getting easier - I'm able to use the scaffolding to put on a brave face - as no one likes to see a permanent misery guts! But every day is a hurdle - but I'll be Olympic standard by the end of Spring (as usual my use of methaphors is essential).

Can't believe it's a year this week since I had the spine operation. I remember thinking afterwards that I hoped that life would calm down for a while - this wasn't to be. You only have to look back over the journal to see and there is still no signs of things changing. So I have decided to no longer expect things to improve - then I can't be disappointed - fair?? I'm hoping for some small print, to which I am yet to discover - that I can file a law suit against what is 'Sod's law'. I sent my Mum my lady luck, only it appears 'Sod' went with her, as no sooner did we think she was doing ok, but she was robbed from us.

I owe huge thanks to my close friends (D in particular) - to whom without their sanity, support and ample shoulders to cry on, I couldn't have remained so .......... well .......... sane! Thanks also to those who left kind comments and to those who simply dropped by. I'm still here although spirit is somewhat damaged - but recovery is in progress. Will be back soon.

Love Chrissy - xx

Day 83 - Up to my elbows in it.

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 17:55:23 GMT

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Where to start – First off weird dreams. I often have long dreams that I can remember in vivid detail (including colours). But what gets me the most is that at the time (whilst asleep) they’re so logical and when you are in the depths of unconsciousness you don’t question it. I’ll set the scene. (Dream sequence – squiggly fade out into non reality)……

**Team night out, at a buffet style restaurant (chic not cheap!!). I can remember all of my colleagues dispersing into rooms within the restaurant, with their clean white plates, off to fetch the meals from where the lovely smells were coming from (I could even smell the food!). I for some reason was behind the rest and watched them slowly disappear (like those silly computer car racing games, when at the starting line, all the others whizz off leaving you standing. (May have something to do with recent Nintendo DS addiction!!) I tried in vain to catch them up and hunt down something lovely to eat. Only every room seemed to be empty of food (also each room had different moods and themes) but people came past me with loaded plates. I eventually found some roasted onions in gravy (why???).

I loaded my plate and made my way back to my table, only to find when I got back that I had lost my food except the remains of the gravy! So I went back to find more, but seemed to spend hours (probably a nano second) trying to find something left, with various colleagues passing me saying ‘ooh you must try this’. I eventually found a curry room, loaded my plate and headed back to my table (this is where I lost the plot – or my head did). I returned to the table to find everyone had finished and gone home. I asked the waiter if I could finish my meal and he said ‘Not without paying for a new table’ so I said I’d leave it and go. He pipes up ‘You can’t go out the way you came in that’s for paying customers and you madam are not one of those. You’ll have to leave via the turnstiles’. (Confused??).

I huffed and sighed and made my way to the turnstiles, only to find that to get through them you needed to audition. There was a pirouetting man to my left, who said ‘My main aim is a part in Billy Elliot’. On my right was a singing ten year old (How did I know she was ten??). I began to panic. If I sang they’d never let me out and there was no way I was dancing, not in heeled boots anyway. SO I jumped them (still with a plate of curry in my hand!!). I ran following the signs for the exit. This turned out to be a water slide (I can’t swim). So I’m on a water slide with a plate of curry getting very wet. The water slide was made from blue and white tiles and on the very steep parts had a chicken wire enforced glass screen, to stop you falling out (I’m guessing). Only I can recall that it was green with silt. I thought to myself (bearing in mind my current state) it’s gonna take more than Mr Muscle to shift that (I mean come on as if???). (I’m nearing the end now….) I end up, after a series of twists and slides in a pool, standing still holding the plate, in perfect condition. Then a life guard comes charging over, frantically blowing a whistle, saying ‘Sorry, no food allowed in the pool’. Then I woke up.!!***

If you can get your head around it fell free to comment – But I think cut down on the tea, get earlier nights and leave the DS alone!!!

Well, if telling you about my weird dream wasn’t embarrassing enough, I’ll tell you about my Sunday. My eldest (12) had a football match. Which I was praying to the gods to be off, as anyone in the UK would know it was soggy beyond wet. But wasn’t to be. Hubby had landed a cushy number in the dry at work. So I had the football run, so I went prepared – so I thought. His football pitch is at the bottom of a hill and the car park is at the top. The field / open space between car park and pitch were in three steep steps carved out of the hill. Son runs down, as walking isn’t an option. I stopped at the top and considered it for a second and said, ‘You run along, I’ll find a less steep option’ – as one trip and my new neck would snap and can of worms etc etc. So I’m in wellies so I can brave the thick muddy narrow path which winds its way down the hill. I’m walking VERY gingerly, with every foot it slides beneath me. I eventually make it to what I perceived as levelish ground and regain confidence. Oh how very foolish!!! One more step and I’m a gonna!! Entire left side from elbow to toe is covered in thick, brown, sticky, grass splattered mud. NICE!!! Quick composure and scan of the area to make sure I wasn’t seen. Trouble is you couldn’t miss me covered in mud. I had to make my way to the match, only to receive titters and comments from parents. So I then stood for over an hour in the pouring rain covered in mud. AND to top it all, I had to get back into car only to remember that I had cleaned the seats only last week. It wasn’t my day yesterday.

On the bright side…….I’ll let you know when I think of one.

‘Words of caution, if you open doors to let others in, be sure you have an alternative exit, incase you are let down by their visit’

Love as always – C x

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Day 82 - Sincerely a Happy New Year..???

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 21:00:12 GMT

I’m waving a white flag at the door………Just poking my arm around and hiding my cowering self around the corner. It’s my way of apologising for my absence. – I’ve been busy! (Doing WHAT I don’t really know!) I’ve been nagged at, for my lack of entries of late (more a kind nudge really! – Cheers Shaun – encouragement welcome!). I bow gracefully and return!! (Whether it’s worth reading is another matter – I’ll let you (oh readers) be judge……and jury……and executioner…...(oh I’ll through them all in) and……grave digger?? – no insults intended – honest!).

RIGHT!!!..... Get the formalities out of the way. ‘Happy New Year’ – said with as much warmth and affection as dead trout (not saying I’ve ever been in a situation to confirm that). I’m a bit of a ‘non – happy new year-ier’ type of person. Not because I’ve had a rough time (although, that’s not strictly true – however, I don’t apply it in this instance) or that I don’t wish you well. But it’s the old goat lines of ‘Oh, I won’t see you till next year now’ – says someone in the latter days of December – oh! stop it my ribs hurt, as that issuch an original joke that I’ve never heard a zillion times before! I mean at the end of the day, its simply another day (or a sign that your self mileage clock has moved on a notch and is further away from being an up to date model) – ouch! (Slap me!! I’m sounding bitter!!). I see the 1st of January as a day to take down the decorations and give the place a dam good dusting – (bloody tinsel – static electricity and dust – not great combo) – Oops, Slap couldn’t have been hard enough.

Update on life so far…..erm…..it’ll come to me……urh? Nope, not a lot going on. Although to be perfectly honest – it’s fantastic!!! Been wishing for a quiet life and for once (oh, here we go, tempting fate – I’ve heard he’s not always a good guy to have around!) I seem to have my wish. Might all be down to having a Wii in the house, which keeps kids and adults amused for hours – although my light fittings won’t agree! Trouble with me is I’m a pessimist and see it as the calm before the storm – yet another left in the hands of fate!

Well, in true Anthea Turner style – Christmas 2008 is well and truly under way – Let me be the first to wish you all a very merry Christmas (for 2008 – just incase you weren’t on my train of thought!). I have the wrapping, the cards, the crackers, some presents and even a pudding tucked neatly away for next year (I mean this year! – still in that writing 07 instead of 08 mode – bloody New Year!!). Sad, insane, obsessed or even square? Maybe are the thoughts that are currently floating through the matter between your ears – but I refuse to pay full price for stuff that gets thrown away!

Christmas was fab (few iffy gifts – won’t elaborate – and don’t ask – smiles all round!!). Peaceful, stress free, happy laughing contented children, full bellies and blurred vision from bottomless glasses. Who could ask for more? I know I’m not a New Year person, but in hind sight, glad to see back of ‘07’ too many stressful, tearful unhappy days (small recap – Major Op, Diva Day, kitchen appliance fiasco etc etc – {{shudder shudder}}).

Aren’t I the cheerful one?? I’ll leave it be there for now I think, as the verbal splurge has begun again – and you can have too much of a good thing (apparently so I’m told!)

Love, Hugs and sincere New Year wishes (honestly) - C xx

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Day 81 - It's December - so that means only one thing........It's all gonna end in tears!

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 16:21:02 GMT

You’d think that I worked full time, if I were to tell you that I simply don’t have enough hours in the day to achieve anything. Usually, by now I’m packed wrapped and trimmings sorted and planning the next Christmas beyond the one that hasn’t even happened yet. Anyone that works full time simply has no sympathy for the likes of me. What do they know!!! Yes, I know I have managed to find the time to sit and deliver waffle on my blog, which is probably a waste of my time and yours! But hey…..Tis the season!

The reason I have no time – is because I’ve become an unpaid Taxi service. What with Nativity plays, Carol Concerts (and flaming rehearsals!!! – Not for me I must point out – I’ve not run off to join the holy crowd just yet!) – Christmas Fayre’s – Plus the usual gift shopping (which is a very physical sport of sharp elbowing, wrestling and scrums – where I usually win I must add! – Well, would you mess with a 6 foot blonde??). On top of that I am working an extra day (you needn’t sigh – you full timers!!). AND at this time of the year, you have to do a marathon run around the country, fitting in as many relatives as you can. We have a whole 12 months to see people but we try to cram everyone in, in the last month, just incase the world ends on the 31st December. When you say your goodbyes, to the relatives, you always promise that next year will be more organized and it never happens!! I must not also forget its Hubby’s birthday coming up. I know I have moaned in the past at his, shall we say ‘lack of thought’ in the gift department, but I have thought and thought about a gift for him. He is the most difficult guy to buy for – he’s not into gadgets, or DIY (because I do it all!! – tut – don’t get me started again!!) His hobbies are his job, which revolves around football. Looks like it’s yet another watch!!! – Original huh? (I hope he no longer reads this or else that’s the surprise element gone!! Ha!)

I’ve managed fame at last!! I managed to get my ugly mug on the front of the local rag last week. My family will be so proud (she says gazing skyward with her hand on her heart- sigh!!). Bet you’re wondering what for (Don’t pretend you’re not). Have I won a prize or contributed to a local government project or maybe been found guilty of a crime? The latter is the closest. I attended an event in our local town centre last week and got caught in the act – ‘YES GUV’ I attended the local Christmas light switch on. As for getting my face on the front of the local paper – it’s more like a print from a ‘Where’s Wally?’ book. You can just make out 2 heads in the crowd, which, if you squint and hold upside down, resembles my son and me. Our town could be such a lovely place if only we could to eradicate the surplus Burberry and bling. You know what the older I get the snobbier I sound.

Well, the week after next I’m on holiday. I need to plan the week carefully as I have about 10 episodes of Heros to catch up on (I’m planning to watch whilst wrapping mountain of gifts and supping on a seriously large glass of something alcoholic!!). Plus have to fit in lunch with friends (Top of my priority list!!! – Of course!!). Also the final elbow shove to the supermarket for those all important ‘sprouts’ – oh, also not to forget hair and nail appointment. I know I’m not winning any points on the sympathy front but….. (Well, I’m not going to justify myself any longer). I deserve the odd pamper with the year I’ve had. Bring on the New Year!!!

I am, however, a little ahead on the planning front – as I’ve already booked my summer holiday!!! (Yep, I’ve still got the Anthea in me!!! – she says smoothing down her apron, after popping the mince pies in the oven – LOL)

Love as always – C – X (Christmas Kisses All Round!)

Day 80 - Riding the wave, hoping the wind changes

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 19:30:38 GMT

Been away, not sure why, but I had a falling out with words. Nothing I tried to write of late felt right or justified (my heavy tone hasn't changed - you may have gathered!) and I almost felt gagged by my own blog. But like a bad penny, I'm back to tell another tale. One of these days it will be a story of excitement, luck, hope and fortune. Just wish I knew when that day will be, so I could mark it on the calender and count down the days. Perhaps, this explains my extraordinary obsession with Christmas. I said it!!! That word that everyone hates to hear before the 1st of December or in my brothers case 24th of December at around 3pm (after session in public house - following work wind down - who can blame him) CHRISTMAS!! Well take a sharp in take of breath when I tell you the big prep begins 1st September in my house and is nearly complete (has been known to start 1st Jan - but I don't want to get big headed or appear freak like!!)

When you come from a large family and then marry into one, planning in advance is your only hope. (I just know that D is gonna make some comment about Anthea Turner AGAIN!!! - It's not that extreme, I don't make my own dried fruit decorations or anything - well for a start it's bloody expensive!! - teasing!). Pleasing so many children (and their parents - for whom study every purchase - in miniscule detail!) is no easy task and one slip up takes years to shake off (experience talking!!). The one year, I thought it nice to buy the In Laws, a posh cutlery set (Stay with me - I was young and yes, ok, the error was perhaps obvious) I thought they may like to use it on the occassions when the extremely large family gather together. To my horror and to my embarassment they hated it - and were quite open about it, in front of the rest of the family. Cutlery, why would we want more cutlery? I was heart broken - I was trying to impress and what ever happened to 'It's the thought that counts'. From that day on I vowed never to make the same mistake again. I simply ask what they'd like and buy it.

You may find this either sad and tragic or just not normal! But ..... every year I buy my own christmas presents (yes for me!!) and I wrap them too!. WHY???? I'll tell you why. This way, I get what I want, in the colour I want, or size or fragrance and spend what I think I'm worth (could have made some sad remark about 'just a pound then' but will get slated for it - so thought better). The early years were the worst as hubby just simply isn't skilled in the art of shopping. First christmas together I got the most awful jumper (too big and more suited for an OAP - and come on A JUMPER??? - honestly!). I smiled nicely and thought 'can I stomach christmas mornings like this for the rest of my life?' - answer No - so either he needed educating or he had to go. So I opted for education, which follwing a few long and painful years, failed miserably (by this time of course I'd fallen in to deep - so could hardly dump and run - there was a child in the package by this point) so hence the reason why I buy my own. Although, he is after 15 years picking up a trick or two. As I did get the diamond ring earlier this year for our anniversary. I'm finally reeping my rewards.

Work has settled (sigh!!). I have slipped quietly back onto the hamster wheel and more fool me, I'm staying on it for longer. As, yes, I went an increased my contract hours. So I can't hate the place that much. It's just been such a difficult year and I don't at the moment see the horizon being any brighter. Have big intentions to slip into drunken state on new years eve and swiftly forget the last twelve months. The only part I don't want to forget are the friends who carried me through it and the fact that I survived - just (although it's not over yet - so I'm not counting chickens). At least this Christmas I don't have surgery looming over head, in my always following dark cloud.

I promise to return - although I am slowly being dragged to the devils retreat (also known as facebook), but promise I won't abandon my duties here.

Love as always - C -x

Day 72 - Got my toes in a rather large gerkin.....

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 11:28:01 GMT

Roughly translated.... I got myself in a bit of a pickle. Thursday not a good day for me. In fact I look back now and laugh at my bizarre over reaction - but I'd opened the flood gates and couldn't stop. Work was the feather that landed on the straw that broke the camels back. I don't react well if I make a mistake and no one punishes me more than me. I made a silly error, which was resolved quite easily but on top of everything else that's going on in my life - I turned into a blubbering wreck. Which I have to say is not a good look at work. I then punish myself further for appearing weak - when this is sooooo not the case. I've held it together for so long that something had to give. Just wished it hadn't happened at work. DOH!!! They must think I'm a complete nutter - well they'd be right. I am considering converting to a brunette to loose the dippy blonde days - but then I'd have no reason to blame for my dippy days - best keep to what I know.

Was greatful that we went away for the weekend - went to vist my Dad. He's back living where I spent the first 13 years of my life in Andover. It was good to get away and do something other than the usual. Had a nightmare of a journey - no thanks to our friend Ms Sat Nav. Flaming thing - you would have thought I'd have learnt my lesson after my trip to Lincoln, but no. Stupid thing loves the Toll Road and I'm sure it is on commission. So after ignoring it's guidance we end up heading for the M40 only to be told it's closed - so an hour into our journey and we're 20 minutes from home. We arrived eventually. My Dad's address isn't on the sat nav (what a shock!) - ironically we drive into town and I start to remember places - 'Oh look there's my old dentist' (like anyone's going to be interested) - after driving around in a circle we pull over and call - he say's 'Our house is on the dentist car park' - how bizarre!! I remember watching Charles & Diana's wedding in the dentist waiting room. It's amazing what useless info your brain stores.

Got to see my Bro on Saturday - I know he likes a mention (you can visit his blog too - it's listed on the right - 'Where it goes nobody knows' - he's a newbie, so be gentle). He made my weekend, although me beingme I'm always suspicious. I haven't seen him in a while - infact struggling to remember when I last saw him (that's terrible!). Anyway, he said I looked younger!! I reckon Dad called him and said 'be nice to your sister she's looking a little weary'. He's as humourous as ever - if you're not easily offended!! - Flip flops!!

Had to tell my Dad off - as I know it's been a while since he's been able to have us to stay - due to evil ex!! (she's so yesterday!!) He has a lovely girlfriend now, but both of them are intent on spoiling us and the boys in particular. Had to stop his girlfriend on many occassion from fattening them up with icecreams and milkshakes - tut! (bless). Felt like we had eaten them out of house and home by the time Sunday came - but they wouldn't accept a penny. Although my Dad is morphing into my Aunt!! She's famous for laying on a spread for visitors (ironically - my Dad moans about that kind of hospitality!! - Lol) - Battenburg anyone? Nuts? Crisps? Some chocolate? - perhaps a drink then? - Ok what have you got? - You name it!! - Lol - Loves ya Dad!

Went looking at houses on Friday - in a bid to add yet more stress to my very stressful life. Although a move may also mean I need to look for new job to be able to afford new property. I think I'm trying to self destruct (or is it distruct? - hmm?) However, house was beautiful and on the edge of the countryside yet located in a small but stunning city. Could see fields from the front and the spires of the Catherdral from the back. Maybe a little beyond our reach - we'll see. Kids utterly bored of walking around houses - so I fetched some goodies from the bakery and sat by the local river in the rare sunshine - bliss. My perfect world. Then home to reality.......

Work tomorrow - may leave pickle jar at home along with Lady Luck (who I haven't mentioned for a while - Cause she's still not here!) and Sod's Law (who is still here, but I'm sick of talking about him!!) - Two weeks till Cornwall and counting!!

Love as always - C - x

Day 79 - The show must go on and on and on....

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 17:14:33 GMT

Well, just as the ‘Fat Lady’ came on to sing, a little old bald man ran on stage and shoved a doughnut in her mouth – she swiftly proceeded to down the cake in one and was simply unable to sing no more!!! (If you are wondering what the hell I’m talking about, well……..)

I had resolutely decided to resign my position at work (re previous entry) – I’d had my ‘cooling off’ period and I still believed strongly in what had happened (still do, I must add!!), so to me it was case closed – It was over!!! I had sent in my letter of resignation and applied for numerous jobs – I have been in serious discussions over a new job and been offered an interview for another. AND NOW I find myself still being asked to go back. I have mellowed and chilled a little (probably because I’ve not had to work – irony!!!) and I have decided to return (like one of those dodgy soap lines – just when you thought I was dead, I resurface!!). I can’t say I’m over the moon at the prospect of going back, but I owe it to myself to try again, it’s in my make up unfortunately (must get new mascara!!!). I had to make the point though that, discussions still required…… Am I insane????? Deranged???? – Well I’m keeping my options open – I shall pursue the applications, whilst seeing how the land lies back at the office. So as I say the ‘Fat Lady’ she hasn’t quite sung yet……..!

I think maybe it’s time I changed my philosophy on life – as the more I seem to moan about how hard done by I am – the more the rubbish heads my way!! As on my door step yesterday morning (in a very unsuspicious white envelope!!) arrived more bad news. The first word I saw when I opened the envelope was ‘Police’!!! Its official, I am a criminal. They got me ‘banged to rights, Guv’ – I got a speeding ticket, from one of those white vans that park on the side of the road. I mean I saw him and promptly slowed down, but they still got me. Oh well, there is no excuse other than last week was ‘mega pants’ and I am now a further £60 down and my subsequent squeaky clean licence is now a little heavier. {{{{{Sigh}}}}}

End on a positive……My mum who has been ‘under the weather’ lately and receiving lots of medical treatment, has had some good news with regards to the results – so I’m pleased as it appears she has her very own lady luck that has set up residence. I still have a vacancy here and will consider applications from any back ground as long as they have a good track record.

Also a thank you to those of you who sent hugs – It was proven this week that hugs are good therapy – so I’m returning the favour {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} – mmwah!!!

I need to wipe the corners of my mouth as I have delivered the usual dribble.

Love as always - C - X