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08/11/07
Day 80 - Riding the wave, hoping the wind changes
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08 November 2007
19:30:00 o'clock GMT
Feeling Anxious
Hearing Madge - every track! Got time on my hands - sort of!

Day 80 - Riding the wave, hoping the wind changes

Freedom of Speech - Gagged by ...

Been away, not sure why, but I had a falling out with words. Nothing I tried to write of late felt right or justified (my heavy tone hasn't changed - you may have gathered!) and I almost felt gagged by my own blog. But like a bad penny, I'm back to tell another tale. One of these days it will be a story of excitement, luck, hope and fortune. Just wish I knew when that day will be, so I could mark it on the calender and count down the days. Perhaps, this explains my extraordinary obsession with Christmas. I said it!!! That word that everyone hates to hear before the 1st of December or in my brothers case 24th of December at around 3pm (after session in public house - following work wind down - who can blame him) CHRISTMAS!! Well take a sharp in take of breath when I tell you the big prep begins 1st September in my house and is nearly complete (has been known to start 1st Jan - but I don't want to get big headed or appear freak like!!)

When you come from a large family and then marry into one, planning in advance is your only hope. (I just know that D is gonna make some comment about Anthea Turner AGAIN!!! - It's not that extreme, I don't make my own dried fruit decorations or anything - well for a start it's bloody expensive!! - teasing!). Pleasing so many children (and their parents - for whom study every purchase - in miniscule detail!) is no easy task and one slip up takes years to shake off (experience talking!!). The one year, I thought it nice to buy the In Laws, a posh cutlery set (Stay with me - I was young and yes, ok, the error was perhaps obvious) I thought they may like to use it on the occassions when the extremely large family gather together. To my horror and to my embarassment they hated it - and were quite open about it, in front of the rest of the family. Cutlery, why would we want more cutlery? I was heart broken - I was trying to impress and  what ever happened to 'It's the thought that counts'. From that day on I vowed never to make the same mistake again. I simply ask what they'd like and buy it.

You may find this either sad and tragic or just not normal! But ..... every year I buy my own christmas presents (yes for me!!) and I wrap them too!. WHY???? I'll tell you why. This way, I get what I want, in the colour I want, or size or fragrance and spend what I think I'm worth (could have made some sad remark about 'just a pound then' but will get slated for it - so thought better). The early years were the worst as hubby just simply isn't skilled in the art of shopping. First christmas together I got the most awful jumper (too big and more suited for an OAP - and come on A JUMPER??? - honestly!). I smiled nicely and thought 'can I stomach christmas mornings like this for the rest of my life?' - answer No - so either he needed educating or he had to go. So I opted for education, which follwing a few long and painful years, failed miserably (by this time of course I'd fallen in to deep - so could hardly dump and run - there was a child in the package by this point) so hence the reason why I buy my own. Although, he is after 15 years picking up a trick or two. As I did get the diamond ring earlier this year for our anniversary. I'm finally reeping my rewards. 

Work has settled (sigh!!). I have slipped quietly back onto the hamster wheel and more fool me, I'm staying on it for longer. As, yes, I went an increased my contract hours. So I can't hate the place that much. It's just been such a difficult year and I don't at the moment see the horizon being any brighter. Have big intentions to slip into drunken state on new years eve and swiftly forget the last twelve months. The only part I don't want to forget are the friends who carried me through it and the fact that I survived - just (although it's not over yet - so I'm not counting chickens). At least this Christmas I don't have surgery looming over head, in my always following dark cloud.

I promise to return - although I am slowly being dragged to the devils retreat (also known as facebook), but promise I won't abandon my duties here.

Love as always - C -x



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