Why Me?

21:16:54 o'clock BST
Feeling Surprised
Hearing the call of my bed.

Considering the year I've had so far, you'd think I'd be in for a period of quiet and nothingness (if there is such a word - can't be bothered to investigate). Well, no such joy.

Sunday - after a mamouth-ly long day, (a) as clocks went forward, which meant technically instead of getting up at 5am, I was in actual fact getting up at 4am (Insanity, for voluntary work shift - and on flat rate!!!). (b) I worked through till 4 pm but didn't get home till nearly 9pm. Just as I was packing up to leave - my mobile goes. Eldest boy had been playing football and fell and hurt his arm. Hubby taking him to Hospital to check it out.

Not being the kind of mother who could simply go home and wait for them to return, I followed on to meet them. Got there, and they had been waiting for over an hour at this point (not because I'm some slow sunday driver, but I had to cross county to get there). Sent hubby and youngest home, as the A&E dept for a 6 year old is no playground - Plus hubby had said that, my boy had been shouting very loudly about the hideous smell which was lingering - which turned out to be the family sat directly behind us (mmmmmm nice!!!! picture Hyacinth Buckets sister and Onslo and you won't be far off the image we saw, only dirtier) and he had also been asking very loudly about the man sat in just his pants! - sharp exit required!!!

So..... taking over the waiting reigns - we sat for another 2 and a half hours watching more and more people cram themselves into the waiting area, adding to the body heat and increasing the odour factor!! And watching the expressionless woman behind the counter, increase the sign for estimated waiting time to 4 hours!! My lad was extremely brave, sat in his football kit, caked in dried mud, with a bandage applied by a 'first aider' - which was so tight it was cutting off his circulation. He said he couldn't feel any pain, probably because his arm was nearly dead!.

We finally get the call and go through to what you would expect - see nurse, go to X-ray and return. Although on return to the dept, we got sent to a new waiting room. On this basis we assumed he was going to be ok. Guess what?? We had to wait and wait some more, just short of 45 mins!!! Until, by pure chance, the nurse who sent us to X-ray walked past and said - oh I didn't know you were back. She went away to see Doctor and returned and said 'want to see your pictures?' - Well would you say no??, so we followed. We walked into a side room and directly in front of me on the desk was a computer screen with an X-ray image of his arm. I didn't need a Doctor to tell me it was broken. A very clear lump and jaged line showed straight through his bone - ouch. I can't believe that even my son thought it was only just going to be sprained.

He is devastated - He broke the same arm 3 years ago (.....AT SCHOOL - before you report me to child welfare!!!) so he knew what was ahead. Last time he was in cast for 4 weeks. This time it's going to be for 6! So no football, no clarinet, no putting on your socks (for a week or so), no DS, no cutting up dinner - even had to buy new jogging bottoms so he can pull his trousers up easily. Also major blow for him - he's got to drop out of the school french trip, even though it's the week after his cast is due off, it's going to be an activities week - OH HAPPY DAYS. Sod's Law is still cursing me and the family!!! 

Must tell you another story about my youngest, which happened a few weeks ago. I had just picked him up from school and we went to wait for his brother at the bus stop. This is our usual time to de-brief the type of day we've had. I usually lie and say I've had a very hard day cleaning, shopping, working etc when I've usually been catching up with friends, shopping (female variety, not food). He tells me about he's been playing and who's been naughty and how many tokens he got for sitting smartly etc. After this his bottom lip began to quiver and I said 'what's wrong' - he replied 'Isn't it terrible what's going on in Tibet' (remember he's only 6!!) 'I saw lots of people crying and cars being pushed over - that's not nice is it mummy?'. I melted and felt guilt for letting him see the news, thinking he doesn't really pay that much attention!! How wrong am I.

Well.......to draw to a close, I'm feeling brighter, still confused and at times wiery but I'm well aware that life does indeed go on. My children remind me daily.

Love as always C - x

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21:58:17 o'clock GMT
Feeling Anxious

Well, I'm still on the tracks of the grief train. Appears to be a slow service from Scotland to Devon - Via Australia! Totally alien to me - but I'm informed everything I'm experiencing is 'Normal'. Now, anyone that knows me well - knows 'normal' simply isn't normal (make sense??).

Still doesn't feel real and I still have a shed load of unanswered questions - which I guess will have to remain there and collect dust. As I can't see me having a clear out without help - cause I don't know the best order to hang hoes and shovels. I find myself holding it together for everyone else, but have the lack of ability of dealing with my own issues and would rather shelve them to help others (also known as denial). But I am dealing with that (I promise) before the white coat brigade appear at my door. It is getting easier - I'm able to use the scaffolding to put on a brave face - as no one likes to see a permanent misery guts! But every day is a hurdle - but I'll be Olympic standard by the end of Spring (as usual my use of methaphors is essential).

Can't believe it's a year this week since I had the spine operation. I remember thinking afterwards that I hoped that life would calm down for a while - this wasn't to be. You only have to look back over the journal to see and there is still no signs of things changing. So I have decided to no longer expect things to improve - then I can't be disappointed - fair?? I'm hoping for some small print, to which I am yet to discover - that I can file a law suit against what is 'Sod's law'. I sent my Mum my lady luck, only it appears 'Sod' went with her, as no sooner did we think she was doing ok, but she was robbed from us.

I owe huge thanks to my close friends (D in particular) - to whom without their sanity, support and ample shoulders to cry on, I couldn't have remained so .......... well .......... sane! Thanks also to those who left kind comments and to those who simply dropped by. I'm still here although spirit is somewhat damaged - but recovery is in progress. Will be back soon.

Love Chrissy - xx

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16:49:53 o'clock GMT
Feeling Sad
Hearing This Used To Be My Playground

 

(My Mum with my niece and nephew - just after she was diagnosed - summer 07)

 

I’ve written very little about my mum on my blog, as she used to read every word I wrote. I find the blog a frustrating medium at times, as it’s so public and somewhat sensors me to write what’s going on in my life.

 

(Mum in between me on the right and my sister on the left)

 

However, last Sunday (24th) my mum lost her battle with lung cancer. Aged only 57. More sudden than any of us could have anticipated. I have never seen any one deteriorate so quickly, especially when we were all under the impression that she was going to be one of the lucky ones. Yet she was in some ways even more beautiful towards the end, despite her lack of hair and changes that had occurred she still managed to shine through and smile. I admire her courage and bravery.

 

(My wedding day)

 

I did manage to get to spend some time with her on the Saturday before she passed away, along with my children – moments which I will cherish forever, along with many other memories. When we arrived she was lying in bed but held on to me and said she was sorry, as did I (our relationship has been turbulent over the years).

 

(Mum just after xmas - 07)

 

They say people know when their time has come, and I believe she did too. She told us she had been hanging on to see us – it was the first time in over 12 years that myself, my sister, my brother and my aunt were altogether by mum’s side. It often takes tragedy to bring people together.

 

 

I miss her terribly and loved her dearly and always will.

My Mum – x x x

 

https://donateinmemory.cancerresearchuk.org/(zygffk45wm121cvplu30s1ez)/DesktopDefault.aspx?tid=2&iid=3194

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17:55:23 o'clock GMT
Feeling Loopy
Hearing squelch!

Where to start – First off weird dreams. I often have long dreams that I can remember in vivid detail (including colours). But what gets me the most is that at the time (whilst asleep) they’re so logical and when you are in the depths of unconsciousness you don’t question it. I’ll set the scene. (Dream sequence – squiggly fade out into non reality)……

 

**Team night out, at a buffet style restaurant (chic not cheap!!). I can remember all of my colleagues dispersing into rooms within the restaurant, with their clean white plates, off to fetch the meals from where the lovely smells were coming from (I could even smell the food!). I for some reason was behind the rest and watched them slowly disappear (like those silly computer car racing games, when at the starting line, all the others whizz off leaving you standing. (May have something to do with recent Nintendo DS addiction!!) I tried in vain to catch them up and hunt down something lovely to eat. Only every room seemed to be empty of food (also each room had different moods and themes) but people came past me with loaded plates. I eventually found some roasted onions in gravy (why???).

 

 I loaded my plate and made my way back to my table, only to find when I got back that I had lost my food except the remains of the gravy! So I went back to find more, but seemed to spend hours (probably a nano second) trying to find something left, with various colleagues passing me saying ‘ooh you must try this’. I eventually found a curry room, loaded my plate and headed back to my table (this is where I lost the plot – or my head did). I returned to the table to find everyone had finished and gone home. I asked the waiter if I could finish my meal and he said ‘Not without paying for a new table’ so I said I’d leave it and go. He pipes up ‘You can’t go out the way you came in that’s for paying customers and you madam are not one of those. You’ll have to leave via the turnstiles’. (Confused??).

 

 I huffed and sighed and made my way to the turnstiles, only to find that to get through them you needed to audition. There was a pirouetting man to my left, who said ‘My main aim is a part in Billy Elliot’. On my right was a singing ten year old (How did I know she was ten??). I began to panic. If I sang they’d never let me out and there was no way I was dancing, not in heeled boots anyway. SO I jumped them (still with a plate of curry in my hand!!). I ran following the signs for the exit. This turned out to be a water slide (I can’t swim). So I’m on a water slide with a plate of curry getting very wet. The water slide was made from blue and white tiles and on the very steep parts had a chicken wire enforced glass screen, to stop you falling out (I’m guessing). Only I can recall that it was green with silt. I thought to myself (bearing in mind my current state) it’s gonna take more than Mr Muscle to shift that (I mean come on as if???). (I’m nearing the end now….) I end up, after a series of twists and slides in a pool, standing still holding the plate, in perfect condition. Then a life guard comes charging over, frantically blowing a whistle, saying ‘Sorry, no food allowed in the pool’. Then I woke up.!!***

 

If you can get your head around it fell free to comment – But I think cut down on the tea, get earlier nights and leave the DS alone!!!

 

Well, if telling you about my weird dream wasn’t embarrassing enough, I’ll tell you about my Sunday. My eldest (12) had a football match. Which I was praying to the gods to be off, as anyone in the UK would know it was soggy beyond wet. But wasn’t to be. Hubby had landed a cushy number in the dry at work. So I had the football run, so I went prepared – so I thought. His football pitch is at the bottom of a hill and the car park is at the top. The field / open space between car park and pitch were in three steep steps carved out of the hill. Son runs down, as walking isn’t an option. I stopped at the top and considered it for a second and said, ‘You run along, I’ll find a less steep option’ – as one trip and my new neck would snap and can of worms etc etc. So I’m in wellies so I can brave the thick muddy narrow path which winds its way down the hill. I’m walking VERY gingerly, with every foot it slides beneath me. I eventually make it to what I perceived as levelish ground and regain confidence. Oh how very foolish!!! One more step and I’m a gonna!! Entire left side from elbow to toe is covered in thick, brown, sticky, grass splattered mud. NICE!!! Quick composure and scan of the area to make sure I wasn’t seen. Trouble is you couldn’t miss me covered in mud. I had to make my way to the match, only to receive titters and comments from parents. So I then stood for over an hour in the pouring rain covered in mud. AND to top it all, I had to get back into car only to remember that I had cleaned the seats only last week. It wasn’t my day yesterday.

 

On the bright side…….I’ll let you know when I think of one.

 

‘Words of caution, if you open doors to let others in, be sure you have an alternative exit, incase you are let down by their visit’

 

Love as always – C x

 

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21:00:12 o'clock GMT
Feeling Happy
Hearing My conscience giving me grief

I’m waving a white flag at the door………Just poking my arm around and hiding my cowering self around the corner. It’s my way of apologising for my absence. – I’ve been busy! (Doing WHAT I don’t really know!) I’ve been nagged at, for my lack of entries of late (more a kind nudge really! – Cheers Shaun – encouragement welcome!). I bow gracefully and return!! (Whether it’s worth reading is another matter – I’ll let you (oh readers) be judge……and jury……and executioner…...(oh I’ll through them all in) and……grave digger?? – no insults intended – honest!).

RIGHT!!!..... Get the formalities out of the way. ‘Happy New Year’ – said with as much warmth and affection as dead trout (not saying I’ve ever been in a situation to confirm that). I’m a bit of a ‘non – happy new year-ier’ type of person. Not because I’ve had a rough time (although, that’s not strictly true – however, I don’t apply it in this instance) or that I don’t wish you well. But it’s the old goat lines of ‘Oh, I won’t see you till next year now’ – says someone in the latter days of December – oh! stop it my ribs hurt, as that issuch an original joke that I’ve never heard a zillion times before! I mean at the end of the day, its simply another day (or a sign that your self mileage clock has moved on a notch and is further away from being an up to date model) – ouch! (Slap me!! I’m sounding bitter!!). I see the 1st of January as a day to take down the decorations and give the place a dam good dusting – (bloody tinsel – static electricity and dust – not great combo) – Oops, Slap couldn’t have been hard enough.

Update on life so far…..erm…..it’ll come to me……urh? Nope, not a lot going on. Although to be perfectly honest – it’s fantastic!!! Been wishing for a quiet life and for once (oh, here we go, tempting fate – I’ve heard he’s not always a good guy to have around!) I seem to have my wish. Might all be down to having a Wii in the house, which keeps kids and adults amused for hours – although my light fittings won’t agree! Trouble with me is I’m a pessimist and see it as the calm before the storm – yet another left in the hands of fate!

Well, in true Anthea Turner style – Christmas 2008 is well and truly under way – Let me be the first to wish you all a very merry Christmas (for 2008 – just incase you weren’t on my train of thought!). I have the wrapping, the cards, the crackers, some presents and even a pudding tucked neatly away for next year (I mean this year! – still in that writing 07 instead of 08 mode – bloody New Year!!). Sad, insane, obsessed or even square? Maybe are the thoughts that are currently floating through the matter between your ears – but I refuse to pay full price for stuff that gets thrown away!

Christmas was fab (few iffy gifts – won’t elaborate – and don’t ask – smiles all round!!). Peaceful, stress free, happy laughing contented children, full bellies and blurred vision from bottomless glasses. Who could ask for more? I know I’m not a New Year person, but in hind sight, glad to see back of ‘07’ too many stressful, tearful unhappy days (small recap – Major Op, Diva Day, kitchen appliance fiasco etc etc – {{shudder shudder}}).

Aren’t I the cheerful one?? I’ll leave it be there for now I think, as the verbal splurge has begun again – and you can have too much of a good thing (apparently so I’m told!)

Love, Hugs and sincere New Year wishes (honestly) -  C xx

 

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16:21:02 o'clock GMT
Feeling Silly
Hearing When Santa got stuck up the chimney.......(sing a long!!)

You’d think that I worked full time, if I were to tell you that I simply don’t have enough hours in the day to achieve anything. Usually, by now I’m packed wrapped and trimmings sorted and planning the next Christmas beyond the one that hasn’t even happened yet. Anyone that works full time simply has no sympathy for the likes of me.  What do they know!!! Yes, I know I have managed to find the time to sit and deliver waffle on my blog, which is probably a waste of my time and yours! But hey…..Tis the season!

 

The reason I have no time – is because I’ve become an unpaid Taxi service. What with Nativity plays, Carol Concerts (and flaming rehearsals!!! – Not for me I must point out – I’ve not run off to join the holy crowd just yet!) – Christmas Fayre’s – Plus the usual gift shopping (which is a very physical sport of sharp elbowing, wrestling and scrums – where I usually win I must add! – Well, would you mess with a 6 foot blonde??). On top of that I am working an extra day (you needn’t sigh – you full timers!!). AND at this time of the year, you have to do a marathon run around the country, fitting in as many relatives as you can. We have a whole 12 months to see people but we try to cram everyone in, in the last month, just incase the world ends on the 31st December. When you say your goodbyes, to the relatives, you always promise that next year will be more organized and it never happens!! I must not also forget its Hubby’s birthday coming up. I know I have moaned in the past at his, shall we say ‘lack of thought’ in the gift department, but I have thought and thought about a gift for him. He is the most difficult guy to buy for – he’s not into gadgets, or DIY (because I do it all!! – tut – don’t get me started again!!) His hobbies are his job, which revolves around football. Looks like it’s yet another watch!!! – Original huh? (I hope he no longer reads this or else that’s the surprise element gone!! Ha!)

I’ve managed fame at last!! I managed to get my ugly mug on the front of the local rag last week. My family will be so proud (she says gazing skyward with her hand on her heart- sigh!!). Bet you’re wondering what for (Don’t pretend you’re not).  Have I won a prize or contributed to a local government project or maybe been found guilty of a crime? The latter is the closest. I attended an event in our local town centre last week and got caught in the act – ‘YES GUV’ I attended the local Christmas light switch on. As for getting my face on the front of the local paper – it’s more like a print from a ‘Where’s Wally?’ book. You can just make out 2 heads in the crowd, which, if you squint and hold upside down, resembles my son and me. Our town could be such a lovely place if only we could to eradicate the surplus Burberry and bling. You know what the older I get the snobbier I sound.

Well, the week after next I’m on holiday. I need to plan the week carefully as I have about 10 episodes of Heros to catch up on (I’m planning to watch whilst wrapping mountain of gifts and supping on a seriously large glass of something alcoholic!!). Plus have to fit in lunch with friends (Top of my priority list!!! – Of course!!). Also the final elbow shove to the supermarket for those all important ‘sprouts’ – oh, also not to forget hair and nail appointment. I know I’m not winning any points on the sympathy front but….. (Well, I’m not going to justify myself any longer). I deserve the odd pamper with the year I’ve had. Bring on the New Year!!!

I am, however, a little ahead on the planning front – as I’ve already booked my summer holiday!!! (Yep, I’ve still got the Anthea in me!!! – she says smoothing down her apron, after popping the mince pies in the oven – LOL)

Love as always – C – X (Christmas Kisses All Round!)

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19:30:38 o'clock GMT
Feeling Anxious
Hearing Madge - every track! Got time on my hands - sort of!

Been away, not sure why, but I had a falling out with words. Nothing I tried to write of late felt right or justified (my heavy tone hasn't changed - you may have gathered!) and I almost felt gagged by my own blog. But like a bad penny, I'm back to tell another tale. One of these days it will be a story of excitement, luck, hope and fortune. Just wish I knew when that day will be, so I could mark it on the calender and count down the days. Perhaps, this explains my extraordinary obsession with Christmas. I said it!!! That word that everyone hates to hear before the 1st of December or in my brothers case 24th of December at around 3pm (after session in public house - following work wind down - who can blame him) CHRISTMAS!! Well take a sharp in take of breath when I tell you the big prep begins 1st September in my house and is nearly complete (has been known to start 1st Jan - but I don't want to get big headed or appear freak like!!)

When you come from a large family and then marry into one, planning in advance is your only hope. (I just know that D is gonna make some comment about Anthea Turner AGAIN!!! - It's not that extreme, I don't make my own dried fruit decorations or anything - well for a start it's bloody expensive!! - teasing!). Pleasing so many children (and their parents - for whom study every purchase - in miniscule detail!) is no easy task and one slip up takes years to shake off (experience talking!!). The one year, I thought it nice to buy the In Laws, a posh cutlery set (Stay with me - I was young and yes, ok, the error was perhaps obvious) I thought they may like to use it on the occassions when the extremely large family gather together. To my horror and to my embarassment they hated it - and were quite open about it, in front of the rest of the family. Cutlery, why would we want more cutlery? I was heart broken - I was trying to impress and  what ever happened to 'It's the thought that counts'. From that day on I vowed never to make the same mistake again. I simply ask what they'd like and buy it.

You may find this either sad and tragic or just not normal! But ..... every year I buy my own christmas presents (yes for me!!) and I wrap them too!. WHY???? I'll tell you why. This way, I get what I want, in the colour I want, or size or fragrance and spend what I think I'm worth (could have made some sad remark about 'just a pound then' but will get slated for it - so thought better). The early years were the worst as hubby just simply isn't skilled in the art of shopping. First christmas together I got the most awful jumper (too big and more suited for an OAP - and come on A JUMPER??? - honestly!). I smiled nicely and thought 'can I stomach christmas mornings like this for the rest of my life?' - answer No - so either he needed educating or he had to go. So I opted for education, which follwing a few long and painful years, failed miserably (by this time of course I'd fallen in to deep - so could hardly dump and run - there was a child in the package by this point) so hence the reason why I buy my own. Although, he is after 15 years picking up a trick or two. As I did get the diamond ring earlier this year for our anniversary. I'm finally reeping my rewards. 

Work has settled (sigh!!). I have slipped quietly back onto the hamster wheel and more fool me, I'm staying on it for longer. As, yes, I went an increased my contract hours. So I can't hate the place that much. It's just been such a difficult year and I don't at the moment see the horizon being any brighter. Have big intentions to slip into drunken state on new years eve and swiftly forget the last twelve months. The only part I don't want to forget are the friends who carried me through it and the fact that I survived - just (although it's not over yet - so I'm not counting chickens). At least this Christmas I don't have surgery looming over head, in my always following dark cloud.

I promise to return - although I am slowly being dragged to the devils retreat (also known as facebook), but promise I won't abandon my duties here.

Love as always - C -x

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18:14:33 o'clock BST
Feeling Worried

Well, just as the ‘Fat Lady’ came on to sing, a little old bald man ran on stage and shoved a doughnut in her mouth – she swiftly proceeded to down the cake in one and was simply unable to sing no more!!! (If you are wondering what the hell I’m talking about, well……..)

 

I had resolutely decided to resign my position at work (re previous entry) – I’d had my ‘cooling off’ period and I still believed strongly in what had happened (still do, I must add!!), so to me it was case closed – It was over!!! I had sent in my letter of resignation and applied for numerous jobs – I have been in serious discussions over a new job and been offered an interview for another. AND NOW I find myself still being asked to go back. I have mellowed and chilled a little (probably because I’ve not had to work – irony!!!) and I have decided to return (like one of those dodgy soap lines – just when you thought I was dead, I resurface!!). I can’t say I’m over the moon at the prospect of going back, but I owe it to myself to try again, it’s in my make up unfortunately (must get new mascara!!!). I had to make the point though that, discussions still required…… Am I insane????? Deranged???? – Well I’m keeping my options open – I shall pursue the applications, whilst seeing how the land lies back at the office. So as I say the ‘Fat Lady’ she hasn’t quite sung yet……..!

 

I think maybe it’s time I changed my philosophy on life – as the more I seem to moan about how hard done by I am – the more the rubbish heads my way!! As on my door step yesterday morning (in a very unsuspicious white envelope!!) arrived more bad news. The first word I saw when I opened the envelope was ‘Police’!!! Its official, I am a criminal. They got me ‘banged to rights, Guv’ – I got a speeding ticket, from one of those white vans that park on the side of the road. I mean I saw him and promptly slowed down, but they still got me. Oh well, there is no excuse other than last week was ‘mega pants’ and I am now a further £60 down and my subsequent squeaky clean licence is now a little heavier. {{{{{Sigh}}}}}

 

End on a positive……My mum who has been ‘under the weather’ lately and receiving lots of medical treatment, has had some good news with regards to the results – so I’m pleased as it appears she has her very own lady luck that has set up residence. I still have a vacancy here and will consider applications from any back ground as long as they have a good track record.

 

Also a thank you to those of you who sent hugs – It was proven this week that hugs are good therapy – so I’m returning the favour {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} – mmwah!!!

 

I need to wipe the corners of my mouth as I have delivered the usual dribble.

 

Love as always - C - X

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19:22:08 o'clock BST
Feeling Worried

The Diva is back and she’s got her heels on.

 

Talk about being kicked when you’re down (‘Public Stoning’ – anyone want a shot, shouldn’t take much more before we take her out for good!!!). I walked out of my job today. Some may consider this dramatic, or childish, or a moment of madness. BUT I simply couldn’t take anymore kicks.

 

Not a few months ago I was being thanked for doing an alright job (a difficult job at times) – trundling along quite happily ‘considering’. BUT (going to be a lot of ‘buts’ in this episode!!) my ‘considering’s!!’ have deteriorated lately and shall we say I’ve had more on my plate, than even a school lunchtime service could handle. Then the ice cream was served to which the diva flipped – turned on her heels and left!!

 

I admit I made a ‘process error’, for which I hold my hands up to (I am merely a human and not an office robot! – nobody is perfect). In my job (or maybe just in my case) there is no room for any errors – but there are ways in which people should be pulled up for their failings. I got told (just before the fatal blow) ‘I’m about to ruin your day’ – NICE huh? – from someone in a reputable position. I do also see the reasoning behind punishment – but should punishment be awarded if you were not aware it could head your way?????? I mean, not once had I been told that if I had made such an error that I could face bigger issues!! Also……(this gripes me) errors such as the one I had made have occurred in my department many times before, but no one until now (to my knowledge) has received this! I mean had our controls team done their job I would not be in this position (so what's the difference?). Perhaps to you (Joe Public) I’m coming across as someone who has thrown their toys out of their pram because I’ve had my legs slapped, but I’m a believer in principle and also for others to look at the bigger picture!!

 

Would it not have been wiser to assess individual cases and taken into account additional circumstances as to why this may have happened, before deciding on action. I hate using my personal life as an excuse for failings at work, as I do try to leave them on the doorstep when I leave for work, but sometimes it’s difficult to segregate the two. They could have tried the softly, softly approach, rather than gun boots with the grim reaper not far behind. Did they really think that a clip round the ear was going to help??? Me thinks me is a number and not a person.

 

It has been left that I’ve been given the week to ‘calm down’ (their words not mine!!). Trouble is, if I go back, I return with a swinging axe hanging over my head, one more foot wrong and then it’s a free fall – who wants to work in conditions like that? Still at least I’ve given the gossip mongers something to chew on for a few days – always one to keep the troops happy!!

 

Serves me right for finishing the tablets – I feel it maybe time to re address this issue too!!! (Doctors appoint in the morning – back on the NHS hamster wheel!!)

 

If you hear of any vacancies for an ex bank employee – please feel free to email me!!!  

 

To be honest I should have seen it coming as these were my stars for today which Iread in the Metro this morning - How apt!!!:-

 

 Cancer June 22 - July 23 : A busy Tuesday. You’ll be easily distracted by one crisis after another. Concentration is out of the question. Avoid making any life-changing decisions unless you like leaving such things up to the fickle finger of fate.

 

With love from a very unhappy, unemployed, tired, exhausted, stressed and down trodden sad female – x (hugs welcome!!)

 

Written by cshel727 Link to this entry | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 5 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

19:18:38 o'clock BST
Feeling Silly

Well, I’m back and I have calmed down (a little) but I’m trying my good friend Julchester’s method of blogging as I simply can’t go through writing my life’s sagas out 5 times again (good thinking hun!!).

 

I have some advice for the men folk today – whatever mood us women were in yesterday, you can be confident that it’ll be a completely different mood and perspective today. As not only does it confuse the hell out of you – but it’s beyond our control. I’ve often referred to the roller coaster metaphor, but it’s true – although I like to refer more to an iffy yo-yo (the ones that start off going up and down, but then end up just hanging at the bottom, and simply can’t be arsed to come back up again). I’m off the tablets (can you tell?? – I can!!) My fake high is now a deflated balloon – still on a positive note I’m discharged from the clutches of the NHS AGAIN!!!! Not holding my breath that it’s the end – as I’ll pass out!!

 

Some good news!!! My eldest is having a (very, very, very) short story published in a book, which goes to print in November. He obviously gets his flare for words from me (not)! Although, cynical me, I detect a con!! You get a very nice letter and certificate telling you that he’s to have his work published – but if you’d like to buy the book it’s only £13.99 ……… WHAT!!!!! (and that’s discounted by a whole £2) No disrespect to my son, but it’s hardly the Da Vinci Code – and you can guarantee that every parent will buy more than one copy, for relatives etc – so who wins here? It’s not like we’ll get royalties!! Still it’s a great achievement to have anything published. I can remember having some of my art exhibited in the City Arts fest years ago and I was proud as punch, but my parents never went to see it. SO the least I can do is buy the book for my boy – for keepsake and to show him how proud I am.

 

For those of you keen to hear the ‘stalker’ story – I’m sorry to disappoint you that it’s not that juicy or exciting!! I’m not one for hurting anyone’s feelings, as one of my biggest passions in life being in the company of other people. I’ll talk for hours to anyone about anything (politics, philosophy, debates, life and shoes (mainly shoes!!) – but one particular chap has taken a rather unwanted shine – He’s harmless and sweet enough, but when he openly admits to being my stalker and has tried to follow me home, it can get a little awkward at times. If he was a Greek Adonis – I wouldn’t be moaning (there’s irony in there somewhere!!). I just smile nicely and shrug it off, in vain hope it’ll go away – not working so far!!! I must give off the wrong signals as I like to think I get on with everyone – some obviously take me the wrong way.

 

As for ‘Cats’ the musical, night out – nothing to say other than it was cool!!! Great night out, good show, good company, good food, good weather – enough said!!! (but a hefty parking bill – which ended up in a scrum in car park, while friends tried to shove money in my pockets (they won)!

 

Another slightly insane moment is that I’ve agreed to increase my working week to 3 days from the 1st November (ok, so you full time workers out there may be thinking – so what you still get an easy life) but technically (for you mathematicians) it’s a 50% increase in my workload. I may regret it come the very dark mornings of 6 am, when I’m trying to park my car in back streets of the City, avoiding the menacing shadows – we’ll see!! (Oh no – just had another thought, that also means I require a 50% increase in my working wardrobe – bugger!!! another shopping trip needed!!!)

 

At least this time I managed not to lose any words – dignity restored.

 

Love as always – C - x

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