Totally Bewildered

12:47:38 o'clock GMT
Feeling Silly

Or, "Ardal's Banarnals", if, like my eldest daughter, you struggle to say those two words together!

Where to start with this one...tut. Well, to cut a fairly long story a little less long, I have followed the career of One Ardal O'Hanlon for over a decade now, he's funny and clever and an extremely entertaining author and stand-up comic...Okay, I will also admit to finding him very attractive, gorgeous in fact, but on the end of his list of attributes lies his very pretty wife and a few kids...there's the bucket of cold water I needed!!.

Anyway, there we were, the hubby, daughter and myself, off to Kings Lynn to see him do his stand- up performance, 25th of October to be precise. I must add at this point, that this was not the first time, oh no, I have seen him at this location before, and also at Peterborough. He was to appear at our own theatre in my home town on 26th October, but here we were , in Kings Lynn, just because our own theatre is...well, good at selling tickets to the chosen few without advertising a single thing! enough said.

Where was I?, yes, fabulous show, enjoyed it immensly and had decided to loiter with intent at the stage door this time. Went through all the thought patterns of, I'm a bit old for this sort of thing, what do I think I am playing at etc etc...but what the hell, it was high time I had his autograph.

The three of us made our way down the side of the theatre, and joined the end of a queue of people. Friendly bunch they were too, we nattered and chatted, borrowed pens, sussed out each others camera workings for that all important piccie, when suddenly there he was, the man himself, exiting from said stage door.

Hubby decided he didnt want to be in the pic, so he offered to take it, much to my relief as the camera was tempremental at the best of times and I didn't want to chance anyone else taking it. You may well have noticed by now, just how kind and understanding my hubby is...he taxi's us to these events, knowing full well that I have a distinct fondness for this particular Irishman, yet does he complain?, not one bit. He's truly lovely!.

I vaguely remember Ardal saying something about digital cameras and how technical it all was..while I was trying to help hubby find the right settings on ours!, but you know, I was starstruck! never replied to him much, must have thought I was a complete prick!. I suppose I was, standing there like, well, a complete prick, with my daughter the other side of him, waiting for the piccie. Hurrah!! hubby had got two "good ones" and we made our way back to the car , only to discover, we had two very out of focus piccies.

No amount of photoshop is going to put these right , I thought to myself, and once I got them downloaded, I discovered, that no amount of photoshop was going to put them right!. Now, I love my hubby dearly, but he was very quiet and I knew he was feeling a bit bad about things, especially when i got a text the next day from him, saying that he was going to take me down to our theatre that night, to loiter with intent yet again !!. ( I told you... he's quite fabulous!)

yes, we thought that too, it could come across as being a bit stalkerish... but it had to be done, so armed with my "Father Ted" book of scripts for him to sign, we made our way off into the cold night air for round two!. Our theatre, as unhelpful as always, informed me that, they "didn't really know from which door he would exit" and that there was "no access from the back of the building" I thought the next comment would be that he entered and exited the building via helicopter from the roof of the adjoining brewery!!. By now, I had been convinced that I was indeed, a stalker.

(to be continued...)

 

 

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12:29:24 o'clock GMT
Feeling Silly

Yes, I know this is my second entry this week! astounding. Just wanted to share a fabulous new word bought to my attention this week, by reading the blog of Pauline McLynn.

Bless her heart, it was a result of a gremlin in the works, but while writing the word "Whatsurname", she was appalled to find she had written "Shatsurname"!

Now, I for one, can use that word to describe quite a few miserable specimens whom I have had the misfortune to stumble across, mostly on a daily basis, thanks to the job. My eldest daughter, was equally as amused, and I am sure she is using this word to it's full advantage in the chilly climes of Aberdeen, as I type!.

Pauline herself describes it as "strong, but wrong".

I think it's fabulous, and apparently, she is " glad to have been a help" LOL

And on that note, I am about to go to work with Shatusurname, oh....and the other Shatsurname, on the shift after me

Have a great day everyone!

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15:32:32 o'clock GMT
Feeling Loopy

Hello again!!....especially Linda, who nudged me sometime this year ( I haven't checked my E-mail either LOL) I hope this finds you all well!

I have a lot to report...I suppose, all stuff and nothing on the vast scale of life, the universe and what have you. But, I will endevour to try and catch up.

Right, this year, I joined up to do a 2 year course in web design, I help run an internet forum, and soon to partake in another which will hopefully offer support to those who have suffered childhood abuse. I have been back into hospital with my heart, I have been busy with my artwork, even done a bit of celebrity chasing....and in my mind, already thinking of a blog entry which could be entitled " Ardal's bananas" so....look out for that one then eh? ( if you are still reading!) All the other stuff mentioned above, will have its own blog entry with which I can bore you with when you have a few moments to spare...the hospital episode, pretty humourous!!.

In short, I have just been unbelievably busy!!. Not always in a good sense...but definately busy. Have certainly missed all the writing, and especially you bloggers!. You were my main source of reading material but these days I seldom read at all!! shame on me.

I am amazed that I found my way on here at all to be honest, I managed to grab a few minutes as I have been at home all week on the sick! its a "domino" illness, I caught a cold from my youngest offspring, sneezed, and caused damage to my neck and shoulders in doing so!!. I only get paid statutory, so there u have it, the purse gets sick too!.

What else has happened?, oh yes,  we lost our beloved dog , Foxy, in July. We decided to have her put down, as she was an old and poorly little soul. It completely broke my heart, we are now a petless family, and the house seems very bleak without her. I have written a commemorative verse about her, which, I will happily blog when I have put one together for her.

We celebrated our tenth wedding anniversay in York, back in June, yes indeed, lots to write about there too...and knowing me as well as you do, None of this will be written entirely seriously, even though some of it should be.

Anyway, so sorry for my return entry being a boring few paragraphs, but  the writing bug is back, and so I shall returneth!

Take care, wrap up warm, and Happy pre-Christmas shopping mayhem!

Mandy x

 

 

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22:03:28 o'clock BST

Boo!!!!

still around folks, will add an entry shortly!

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21:35:38 o'clock GMT

Was thinking of adding some of those animated flowery pictures which I see on other blogs, they certainly brighten them up a bit, but then, none of my entries ever seem to warrant it. This one is no exception.

Been watching the darts lately?, well, a short time ago at least cos it's finished now, as you know.

It's all relative I know, cos dart players aren't  of a sporty build and their sport is the only one known to man , executed inside a veil of Benson and Hedges ( though I seem to remember people smoking on the snooker???) Anyway, I must seem like a prude but I'm not, I am an ex smoker of 40 cigarettes a day ( which probably makes me worse!) and I lived the pub culture for a good many years.....and I was part of a ladies dart team.

Still doesn't stop me wondering though, why dart wags look like the Bounty kitchen roll "ladies", I can just imagine them in the company of the ever-so-groomed footie wags!, one wrong word and posh's hair extensions would end up around her neck and tied in a reef knot!

Anyway, that's it really, just an observation I made while watching a sweaty old male dart match or two on the telly.....I like darts, honestly!!.

Now imagine a nice flowery graphic at the end of all that....doesn't really work for me does it? Must go and look for some Victor Meldrew graphics!

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20:17:21 o'clock GMT
Feeling Happy

This entry shouldn't come as much of a surprise to my friend and cousin Lisa, having spoken to her last night.

She and her her family moved to Milton Keynes at around the same time as we moved to Bury st Edmunds, and it's the first time we have managed to get in touch properly since, what a conversation!.

Despite is both having gone through a few changes, we had fun reminiscing about the time we worked together at what was then, a local plant nursery. many a time, we would get to work to find that we were on "peice" work that day....which meant we were paid by the plant!....I think the going rate was about 20p per completed pot ( depending on what we had to do to it, prune it, stake it, you name it!) We just had to go like the clappers to make a good day's pay.

On one particular day, we were sent to work on the conifers, which were situated along the old runway, the nurseries having been sited on an old airfield. Not only did we have to pick up secatuers, tape guns and the like from the store, but working in that area meant it wise to grab yourself a bike as well!, real bone rattlers they were, but at least they got you to the area on the same day as you left for work!.

Once there , you really knuckled down, otherwise it was pointless being there at all. Day rate was about £30 at the time, so once we had hit that mark, then any amount we made over that was a bonus...I think we used to make about £46 a day.

certain things, like needing the loo, would hinder your earning power considerably when on conifers, as it meant you had to cycle back to the main hub of the place in order to find a toilet, however, on this day, Lisa and I found ourselves as far far down that runway as anyone could possibly be...In fact, we were actually closer to the next village than the one we were considered to be working in!. Through a gap in the wire fence , we saw quite a number of the old upright wooden crates the company used to use to transport the orders to the designated garden centers around the country, they were now using open metal crates with shrinkwrap.

I desperately needed the loo,  was not prepared to miss out on any earnings by cycling back to the nurseries, and so decided to find somewhere to "go". Unfortunately, it was a case of open fields nomatter which way I looked, but a door to one of the crates was flapping open in the breeze. I took a peek inside, and was delighted to find half of a water butt in the corner ( the things you get excited about when doing that kind of work!!) I always carried toilet paper in my bag, because the stuff in the toilets was for tracing with, not for wiping yourself on!, and so, I was all set up!!.

It worked a treat! , we were down there every day for a week, and we lost no money due to nature's calls.

* * * * *      * * * * *     * * * * *     * * * * *    * * * * *    * * * * *

I can't quite remember if we were coming up to Mother's Day...it could have possibly been Easter, all I know is that it was that time of year when nurseries are going hell for leather.

Lisa and I found ourselves in the labelling shed, which of course is all very self-explanatory, once plants were labelled with a price and care label, then they were put into the crates, shrinkwrapped, and loaded onto the lorries for despatch.

Anyway, we were going about our work and chatting away. I vaguely remember someone calling for crates but thought no more of it.....but the sight that met me when I raised my head to look at the double doors as they swung open, will be with us both forever!... There, on the end of a forklift, was one of the old wooden crates!...we were so very swamped with orders that we had run out of the metal crates , and were having to resort to using the old kind!!.

One by one they arrived, and as each forklift trundled through the doors, I was having to relive the horror , and wondering 'is this one my toilet??'It was the longest afternoon ever!.

Thankfully, nothing really happened and I am assuming they either left that one down there, or just removed the waterbutt from the crate ahead of time......OR, it was a grizzly find and somehow I was thankfully spared the embarrassment of knowing about it.

In any Event, Lisa and I were simply crying with laughter down the phone about it!.

If you have enjoyed this read, look out for the next nursery installment of the pair of us being lost in a sea of Lavatera, Dr Hook and David Essex impressions, and generally arsing around in plastic tunnels!

You won't be dissapointed.

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14:25:35 o'clock GMT
Feeling Silly

 I wish, so very much, that I had pictures to add to this entry, but for all the tragic santas I have seen this past holiday season, I have not taken pictures of any of them, having not had my camera to hand. ( That and the fact, that we cannot just stop the car in rush hour traffic for taking pics! )

Dear God!, how I wish for Christmas past and the way I remember it to be, instead of the yearly rush of expense, and worse still, people trying to outdo each other in the decoration stakes and managing to make the front of their houses look like a complete abortion!.

The worst case of this, is the "guy Fawkes" style Santas. I don't know what suddenly clicks on in the brains of the creatively challenged at this time of year, but if an alien landed at this point, I am sure they would be thinking that the man in the red suit must be someone who committed a henious crime and was therefore hanged from the nearest building!/

In this town alone, I have seen ( and laughed at) the most horrendous interpretations of Santa.....who, let's not forget, is a jolly fat man who delivers presents via the chimney and brings joy to the faces of young and old alike, compare this, to the effigies I see hanging precariously by one limb from pieces of twine thrown over the roof and you can see where I am coming from.

It's bad enough, that you can actually buy these illuminated silhouettes...Santas climbing ladders and the like, which is ok if you must have that kind of thing in the garden for " charidy" puposes or whatever....suppose its nice for the kiddies. But what possesses someone to decide to make one?.

On the side of one building, someone has decided to dangle a giant homemade Santa, only, he's not in perspective with his 7ft legs and elongated body!. Mrs Santa has not been feeding him well as he is devoid of all his jolly fatness!, as usual, he is not well secured and the high winds of late just draw your eyes upwards to a madly flapping Santa of sorts who is being mercilessly beaten against the gable end!.....I'm filling up with all sorts of Christmassy feelings at the very sight of him of course!.

Another street, another santa. This time, we have decided to have his bum and legs hanging from a sash window.....well, he is held in place by the half open sash window, and, I can only imagine the drop in temperature indoors!....all in the name of Christmas. They vary in size and quality, but they are all tacky and.....somewhat strange, and only yesterday the hubby and me were laughing ourselves sick over a mess of red and black that had fallen from the roof and was clinging on for dear non-life from one of the tiles

If any of you, have any photographic evidence of a tragic Santa, then please send them to me so that I may add them to this entry, I would especially like to hear from you if you agree that we should be getting back to more traditional ways of decorating our homes at this time of year, in fact, just getting back to Christmas.

And for all those proud owners of weatherbeaten and poorly formed Santas?, please take them down, it's January, and they were crap to begin with!.

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16:33:56 o'clock GMT
Hearing telly

Hello all!

Hope this finds you all well after the Crimble festivities!.

Not sure about this part of it, the inbetweeny bit. A bit boring. I could go into town and blag a bargain but to be honest I'm just a bit fed up with being anywhere near the town center, or shops....and definately crowds of numbnutted people who insist on standing around in large groups conversing on an already spacially challenged pavement! ( get out of the way ffs!, I don't want to have to step into the road and get myself killed while you chat your lungs out!)

sigh!.....where was I, oh yes, finding something to do. Well, we had planned to spend a day in Felixstowe during the inbetweeny, just to get the dog out for some bracingly fresh air and hopefully walk off some of the calories we have taken in, which was enough to have saved a small country from starvation!.

The day arrived, and it rained, so we never went. Today we got up and decided to go....it started to rain on our way out of the door, but we went anyway, telling ourselves that it may be drier in other areas. Tee hee.....it wasn't, in fact, the heavens wept the whole journey, and we arrived to that kind of feathery light rain that soaks you through to the skin in no time at all........goody, so glad I only bought my lightweight jacket!.........it's a girl thing ok?, its a nice grey jacket which goes perfectly with my dusky pink baker boy hat and pure white fluffy scarf.

So........we park up, get a ticket good for four hours ( such optimism!) and take the dog towards the shelter of the arcade....her ears are pinned back against the weather, she is not impressed. We walked along the path surrounding the public swimming baths, as it affords some kind of shelter from the rain due to the overhang of the building

. It was quite busy.....loads of people in there splashing around, I then focus my vision from the crowds to my reflection in the glass. I was just about to comment to my husband, that I suddenly realised I was dressed as that gay character from the old Dick Emery shows ( honky tonk???) when................

Down I went!...........I mean, just straight down onto my arse with my left leg pinned beneath me!, hubby was so alarmed, was trying to tie the dog to the railings whilst having one eye on me and asking me if I was ok...could I get up?etc etc. But I knew I just had to sit for a little while on the wet ground, I was feeling a bit giddy, shocked, but quite amused really, giving out the odd chuckle while looking at the hole in my favourite jeans, the damage to the toe of my nice new black boots, and then, eventually getting to my feet.

By now, there were a couple of lifegaurds at the door, asking if I was ok, to which I replied I was with a numptyish giggle....what a fool I felt!

Everything ached!, my knee, my ankle, my shoulders even.....but then, I had landed on my right forearm somewhat. I just kept thinking that if I wandered about a bit so things would not seize up, then I would be fine, and I was.

We wandered the arcade for a bit, took the dog along the prom, took a couple of pics of each other just because we were laughing at this point for being with the dog on a hellish day at the coast!.........dog still not impressed so far.

I suppose, from her point of view, she had spent an hour in the back of the car, only to be taken for a walk in the rain and have me almost crush her bones under my weight a few steps later.......in fact, I don't know how she avoided me really, as old as she is, her reflexes are spot on cos she was standing over me as if to say " why are you on the ground?"........she's half lassie, but did she care?, did she buggery!. nothing at all like the real lassie.

Not surprisingly, we did not spend 4 hours in the town, maybe 45 minutes at the outside, and 20 of those were spent on the ground as far as I'm concerned. We returned to the car blue with cold, while my knee stung like hell.

I lifted my jeans to find I had lost a sheet of skin somewhere and my knee was pouring blood. no tissues in the car, however, there are always baby wipes.............aaaarrrrrggghhhhhh! how much do those things sting????, gave up on that idea, besides, it was clean as I had cut it through my jeans if you see what I mean.

Anyway, I am now sitting at home waiting for the hubby to return from the supermarket with some antiseptic spray of some sort, and large plasters!, I have managed to twist my ankle and it's as if my whole body now is protesting about this fall of mine.

I hope your "inbetweenies" are going better. It just proves though, that the old Christmasses we knew we much less perilous as the compendium of games, chemistry sets and the like kept us busy during this period. Don't get me wrong, I got some lovely gifts, but I'm bored and subsequently injured!....................

........and the dog doesn't care, she's back, sleeping on her mat ..again.

Wishing you all a Happy and prosperous New year!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

PS........my dog, not caring, pictured above

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20:09:48 o'clock GMT

Following Linda's imstructions in her journal "George Mansions, this is a piece from the intellectual book I had in my hands at the time "Body for Life"

 

aahem....

.....probably need is a set of adjustable dumbells that go as light as 2.5 pounds, and up to 30, 40 and 50 pounds each ( depending on your level of strength). You'll also need to invest in an adjustable excercise bench. Compared with most home excercise equipment, dumbells and a bench are a bargain. Take a look at some of the advantages of using dumbells.

 

This book is by Bill Phillips, and is worth it, just to see the before and after pictures on the inside front and back covers, its a book I borrowed from and American friend, and have no way of returning until communication returns.

erm.....rivetting.

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22:57:46 o'clock BST
Feeling Surprised

Well, I am no longer working at the large optical chain that we "should go to", quite simply, I shouldn't have gone there!, for the first time ever I ignored my gut instinct and took a job that just did not feel right for me , even at interview level, because I needed a job. Mistake.

Within a week of leaving, I found another job, part-time hours for full time money, a boss who is a delight to work for, and a working environment that suits me. Spot on!.

Anyway, this job is clean on the other side of town, so its a daily bus journey, and then the hubby picks me up at night....works brilliantly, however, this entry is about the fact that, I have been pampered in a "transport" sense for some time now. I have either had things within walking distance, or the hubby taxi's me around, so, the return to the buses has been something of an eye opener.

Hence, the kind of things I expected, screaming children, people chasing their loose change in the aisle, the elderly rummaging for bus passes, people who smell, people who look like they smell, tacky council-ish people ( don't lynch me for saying that, I know there are some respectable council tenants out there.........but the ones I'm on about are there for all to see and we all know it!...love-bitten and clueless! )

That last paragraph looks a bit angry...I don't mean it to cos I find it all very entertaining, people watching that is.

But , it's the unexpected stuff which , well, it's unexpected stuff! Every day,  it takes exactly 6 minutes to complete my bus journey, and costs £1.40 ( another story I know, but the weekly ticket is 50p more!...no savings for me then) Depending on the driver, I can get off at my stop providing I ring the bell before the stop, or, it stops as a matter of course. Sometimes I get a ticket, mostly I don't, but will always get griped at if I don't have the correct money. All rivetting....boring stuff.

Yesterday however, having reached the bus station a few minutes early as normal, I went to the loo, found myself a cubicle and set about my "business". There was rapid panting coming from the cubicle on my left......andin kicks the imagination, is she having a panic attack in there?, maybe its an asthmatic, maybe its someone who has gone into labour?....worse still, maybe there's a man in there and we are at the conception!, yes come to think of it, I can hear two sets of breathing!....time to get things over with I think!

So , hurriedly making my way to the hand basins, I hear the cubicle door in question open, and looking in the mirror I see one elderly lady come out........hmmmm......just one?, well, she's not bothering to wash her hands the dirty bint ( and other such ramblings of the mind), but, as she heads towards the door I look down to see a wiry haired terrier on a lead! Excuse me!, since when was that allowed??, I mean, had it been a guide dog, fair dues....but to drag a dog into a public loo?, it's just.....wrong.

By the time I came out she was seated in the station, and due to lack of seating, I took the only one available, which was next to her. I then endured a commentary on how this young toddler who was running around should be on reigns....blah blah.....if that child was mine I'd have a hat on it drone drone. She then got out her timetable and started complaining about the sevice and how useless it was for those who depended on it for work, was she depending on it for work?, " of course not! I'm retired!!" came the sharp reply. Time I made my way to my stand to catch my strangely designed bus to work!.

Where to sit?, gone are the days where everything faced forward, and if you had a pushchair the driver folded it for you and dropped it in the boot for you.....I think it was called public service. Now you have a choice of bizarre seating!, should I sit 3 feet higher than my counterparts, sideways , behind the driver?, or maybe opposite on the "billy no mates" seat....also sideways, facing those behind the driver who look ridiculous perched up there!, then there's a huge gap, for pushchairs complete with baby ( is that safe in an accident?) oh.....maybe I can sit on the next level, a few feet higher still, or maybe the back seat which is up there somewhere with the Gods where you are supplied with your own tank of oxygen!. All of this , and vertical bars to hang onto, bells to push so you don't end up in John'O'Groats....I'mtruly spoiled.

6 minute journey?, don't want to miss my stop?, well, that puts me in the "I look a complete knob! seats behind the driver......correction, I am hurled into the knob seats behind the driver while he pulls away from the stop before I have barely had time to decide wether I want to sit in the knob seat or not. having landed there, I discover it's a bit narrow and economical on comfort and I'm likely to fall when we turn corners, so I then clutch at the "handy" bars with all appendages until I am sitting in the knob seat, star shaped, and looking increasingly more knob-like until......is that my stop ahead?, can I afford to let go with one hand in order to ring the bell?....or do I continue on to Outer Mongolia?, my mind is racing now.....if I DO get off at my stop....will I be able to stand before the vehicle stops without being catapulted forward, much to entertainment of the menagerie behind me in the "upper levels"?

I've made it, I'm off the bus, and now able to meander the remaining distance to work. If you are exhausted reading this, imagine how I feel , AND , it's only a 6 minute journey!!. I have a sneaking suspicion though, that a lot of you out there Know only too well the perils of the bus jungle!!!!!!

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