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Rejection Translations
Everyone knows a writer's ego is extremely fragile, so it seems a little foolish at times to combine it with such a precarious industry in which rejection is so rife. I don't even know how many times I've been rejected now by various agencies, competitions or production companies (it's gone up radically in the last year, in keeping with my push forward writing-wise). I have a pile of paper in my office that could tell me, but if I were to actually sit down and count the individual letters I think the chances of my submitting anything ever again to anyone would be extremely slim!
Writers get rejected though, it's a fact of life. I don't believe there's a successful writer alive who has not been rejected at least one hundred times. I know very successful writers who still get rejected. Those of you in the UK who enjoyed the recent run of Life On Mars may be interested to know the Kudos production got shelved (albeit temporarily) at least twice and bounced back and forth between The Beeb and Channel 4 at one point, yet one its creators, Tony Jordan, has enjoyed considerable success, not only with Eastenders but his own series Hustle as well.
So, after consulting a variety of writer, editor and reader friends via MSN and a gigantic number of phone calls last night (I decided to take advantage of my likelihood of having the baby in the next few days - my husband will be so distracted he won't notice the enormous bill at the end of the month!), I have compiled the following list of "classic" rejection lines and what we think they really mean.
DISCLAIMER: Please note this has no basis in reality than in our own twisted minds! We spend far too long in front of PC screens drinking lattes...
"This is an intriguing piece" ...This script poses more questions than it answers - what did you learn on that freaking scriptwriting degree??
"This is an interesting piece" ...I don't like it and can't think of anything much to say about it. In fact, which script was this in my pile? Eminently forgettable.
"The marketplace is very competitive"...And you're finished before you even start, mate.
"This is an engaging script with strong ideas"...Shame you didn't do more development work on it before you submitted it, else I might have been tempted. D'oh!
"I didn't feel the characters really engaged me" ...I hated everybody's guts in this script, what were you thinking?
"I'm unsure of a market for this script" ...It's a load of tosh mate, nobody's gonna read it again, let alone make it!
"I felt your scene directions were a little distracting at times" ...You've gone against all the conventions, haven't you read a sodding book or at least looked at a website?? BOTTOM OF THE CLASS!
"You show alot of promise" ...But you're still below the standard I'd expect after you've been doing it all these years. BOTTOM OF THE CLASS AGAIN!
"I don't feel suitably enthusiastic about your work to represent you" ...You might have a large portfolio of spec work, but do you have any TV work lined up, where the real money is? No? Then GET LOST! (What are you whining about, "Catch 22"? Eh? Do I care?)
"I'm sorry to respond with disappointing news" ... I'm not, actually. In fact, as soon as I've typed this I have a manicure booked at 4.
"Please be aware that rejection is final" Do not darken our desks with your manuscripts. Ever. Again.
"I'm afraid your script/proposal/pitch did not meet the brief for the short list" ...Actually, this is just our "get out of jail free card": even though we posted the brief on the website and you thought you had followed it, you wouldn't actually know if it did or not as we can cite "subjective interpretations". Ha!
"You write with a lot of heart" ...So your characters are pretty good, but what about the rest of it, hmmm? There is such a thing as arena, plot, etc. Market baby!
"You write with a clear purpose" ...You've tried to exploit or pre-empt a trend in the market!Think I'm gonna fall for that, you cynical git?
"You write with a lot of heart and a clear purpose" ...You might think you're on to a winner with this one, but have you offered me blood or your first born son?? No?? Well get OUT!
How many of these have YOU had??
bang2write at 10:13:00 o'clock BST Blog about this entry |
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Thank you for leaving the word "recalcitrant" in my comment section.
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Hi Greg! Yes I'm English for my sins, but try not to hold it against me... though I'm sure if you traced it back far enough my family were against your family in the civil war or on The Mayflower or something ; )
Those rejection lines are great - though obviously not for you! Sometimes I think the only way to get ahead in this game is by writing at the PC naked whilst sacrificing a goat and prodding a voodoo doll of a development executive. The magic won't work, but once word gets out you'd be considered so mental it's gotta be good publicity!!
Hope to see you on here again! -
Hey! Thanks for stopping by my blog - and it's great to find another wonderful resource like yours... even if you are across the ocean....
Great stuff here... I will come back often.
One of my favorite rejections?
We love it - it's just that it's so far from the original idea - I don't know if we can go back to the studio with it.
Followed closely by:
Well... It's great... but it's so close to the original. We really hoped you would do something more creative with it....
Thanks for stopping by-
Greg
webofliesanddeceit.blogspot.som -
If I could go off on a tangent, my spouse and I have had similar translation problems. Just yesterday:
Spouse said:
”This place is a mess! C'mon,
you and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear.
if we don't do laundry right now!”
I heard:
”blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!”
ar
02/05/06 18:48